our beloved cg--- is gone

Message Topic Search Topic Options Post Reply Create New Topic Printable Version Translate Topic

My dear TNBC Foundation family-
deceased September 21, 2011 from Metastatic Triple Negative Breast Cancer. 

I awoke this morning to a message from Connie’s daughter telling me that her mom had passed on Wednesday. Connie is survived by her devoted husband, her loving daughter, and son My heart is with all of you today.

I would like to write a little bit about our friend Connie. She was a medical transcriptionist for over 40 years and when I first came on the board and started exploring the site I found her to be a wonderful wealth of knowledge about TNBC and a bright, supportive light to all here. She was a no-nonsense type of woman and expressed her opinions concisely yet you could sense there was always compassion underneath the words. She helped so many, many here better understand TNBC and spent hours posting about various studies and treatments. She was a huge, huge resource for all of us. She truly loved the TNBC Foundation forum, as do I. 

We formed a friendship. First via PM and then email and finally the phone. She had written about her metastasis and her love for her physician Dr. Rebecca Dent at Sunnybrook in Toronto. In January, 2011, she asked me to do her a favor, which was so unlike her to do because in Connie’s ideal world she would not want to ask anyone to do anything for her, yet she would do anything for a friend. I was going to the first international TNBC conference in London in January and she told me that she wanted to send a special box of Canadian chocolate to Dr. Dent and could I hand deliver it? So a few days later Connie sent the chocolate FedEx to my daughter’s house in Pennsylvania. The box was heavy, and Connie spent a good deal of money shipping the box and as luck would have it-it came late but just in time for my trip. I can still remember her laughter when I told her to call FedEx and give them proof of the late delivery from the on-line tracking and told her that she could get all the charges returned to her. She was very happy.

So, the conference was very small  and it was easy to spot Dr. Dent. I walked up to her, never having seen her before, carrying Connie’s box of chocolates, which was gift wrapped. She looked at me quizzically as I approached as I said “these have travelled a long way and are sent to you with Connie’s love.” A huge smile and then a hug “you must be Steve. It is so nice to meet you. Connie thinks so much of you.I feel like I know you.” “And I you. Even though you are in Singapore, now, you have managed to stay in Connie’s life and I wanted you to know that she loves you so very deeply and appreciates the fact that you have remained present in her life.” It was a short, lovely meeting and then other people came over to talk with her and I thought that might be the end of it. However the next day, Rebecca came over to me and we had a long, lovely chat.

When I came home I spoke on the phone with Connie. She was anxious to hear every detail about Dr. Dent and I shared my very positive thoughts about her talk at the conference and how it was accepted and also my personal impressions of her graciousness. “Yes, that’s her. Isn’t she beautiful? and sooo smart.” “Yes, she is, and most especially, I feel she is beautiful, inside, as are you, dear friend.”

As Connie started her decline I began to post on the board for her on the Metastasis section. She wanted me to be careful not to paint too dark a picture. “Women have enough to worry about without worrying about me. Please try not to upset anyone with my situation. Keep it light.” I tried my best to do that and I kept asking her if I could visit her. There was always some excuse, but the message was always the same “sorry, no.” Then I went to ASCO in Chicago in June and Dr. Dent was presenting again and I told Connie I would say hello to her and I did. 

Shortly afterwards, I asked Connie, again, if I could come up to to visit her. “no, someone just came to visit and I am exhausted. I thought it would be alright if you came but I am so tired.” “Connie, I can’t believe we will never meet. I find that incredibly sad, for both of us.” I guess that resonated with her because the next day I received an email suggesting that I call her husband and he would tell me how to get to their city and arrange a schedule.

I flew to Toronto and then rented a car and drove to my hotel and Connie and her DH came over to say hi. Seeing her was so naturally beautiful. It was as if we had met before somehow. After about an hour of talking together she said “you are exactly how I pictured you would be.” The next day, I switched hotels to one right on the Falls. We spent the whole day together and Connie’s DH remarked that Connie had more energy than he had seen her have in a long time. It was early July and very hot and I suggested we go to back to my room and relax together because I had found that the movie The King’s Speech was paying on the PayTV channel in my room. Connie had not seen the movie and I felt they would really enjoy it. I lay down on my bed and Connie and DH sat in a couch near my bed and we watched the movie. Interspersed with her laughter and keen interest, there were many catnaps. I watched her sleeping  and just rejoiced at being in their presence. It was just so beautiful that she was able to be herself with me and at the same time she was so sick. Now, I am crying, as I type.

We went food shopping together and we had dinner again. The next morning Connie’s DH drove me to Buffalo and I flew to the States from there. I had spoken to M., just once, early on in Connie’s illness and came to know him and like him, very much, on this trip. He had worked, on the assembly line, for GM for I think 30+ years and was totally devoted to Connie. M. perhaps you will read this and I want you to know, again, how much I admire you. You define what a husband/friend should be and it was done without fanfare...it was just done...and done, beautifully, with your love. My heart has been, is and will be with you. 

Connie’s difficulties were chronicled elsewhere on this board for over a year. I don’t believe it will serve anyone to rehash them(and Connie would not be pleased if I did) but I did want to say that Connie fought the battle with dignity, strength and intelligence. She rarely complained so when she confided in me, rarely, about how tough it was...in those moments I felt particularly close to her and was glad she could open her heart. I believe she felt ‘safe’ with me and I with her. I told her about my advocacy work and opened up my heart to her and shared things with her that I have not shared with others. Our meeting made our friendship even more intimate and strengthened it. And a new friendship with M. was formed.

Then my grandson came (a month ago today) and I sent her a bunch of pictures and she absolutely rejoiced. She and M. kindly sent a box of stuffed animals for Ethan and Connie was so happy for me/us.

So, our dear Connie- May you rest in peace, my wonderful friend. It was good to tell you that I love you and it was good to receive your emails ending in “your forever friend, Connie”

well you are our forever friend, too. You inspired me with your dedication to this forum and to the folks here. You graced us with your presence and I again am sending you..

my love,

Steve

Edited by steve - Sep 23 2011 at 4:42pm