deceased September 21, 2011 from Metastatic Triple Negative Breast Cancer. 

We formed a friendship. First via PM and then email and finally the phone. She had written about her metastasis and her love for her physician Dr. Rebecca Dent at Sunnybrook in Toronto. In January, 2011, she asked me to do her a favor, which was so unlike her to do because in Connie’s ideal world she would not want to ask anyone to do anything for her, yet she would do anything for a friend. I was going to the first international TNBC conference in London in January and she told me that she wanted to send a special box of Canadian chocolate to Dr. Dent and could I hand deliver it? So a few days later Connie sent the chocolate FedEx to my daughter’s house in Pennsylvania. The box was heavy, and Connie spent a good deal of money shipping the box and as luck would have it-it came late but just in time for my trip. I can still remember her laughter when I told her to call FedEx and give them proof of the late delivery from the on-line tracking and told her that she could get all the charges returned to her. She was very happy.

So, the conference was very small  and it was easy to spot Dr. Dent. I walked up to her, never having seen her before, carrying Connie’s box of chocolates, which was gift wrapped. She looked at me quizzically as I approached as I said “these have travelled a long way and are sent to you with Connie’s love.” A huge smile and then a hug “you must be Steve. It is so nice to meet you. Connie thinks so much of you.I feel like I know you.” “And I you. Even though you are in Singapore, now, you have managed to stay in Connie’s life and I wanted you to know that she loves you so very deeply and appreciates the fact that you have remained present in her life.” It was a short, lovely meeting and then other people came over to talk with her and I thought that might be the end of it. However the next day, Rebecca came over to me and we had a long, lovely chat.

When I came home I spoke on the phone with Connie. She was anxious to hear every detail about Dr. Dent and I shared my very positive thoughts about her talk at the conference and how it was accepted and also my personal impressions of her graciousness. “Yes, that’s her. Isn’t she beautiful? and sooo smart.” “Yes, she is, and most especially, I feel she is beautiful, inside, as are you, dear friend.”

As Connie started her decline I began to post on the board for her on the Metastasis section. She wanted me to be careful not to paint too dark a picture. “Women have enough to worry about without worrying about me. Please try not to upset anyone with my situation. Keep it light.” I tried my best to do that and I kept asking her if I could visit her. There was always some excuse, but the message was always the same “sorry, no.” Then I went to ASCO in Chicago in June and Dr. Dent was presenting again and I told Connie I would say hello to her and I did. 

Shortly afterwards, I asked Connie, again, if I could come up to to visit her. “no, someone just came to visit and I am exhausted. I thought it would be alright if you came but I am so tired.” “Connie, I can’t believe we will never meet. I find that incredibly sad, for both of us.” I guess that resonated with her because the next day I received an email suggesting that I call her husband and he would tell me how to get to their city and arrange a schedule.

I flew to Toronto and then rented a car and drove to my hotel and Connie and her DH came over to say hi. Seeing her was so naturally beautiful. It was as if we had met before somehow. After about an hour of talking together she said “you are exactly how I pictured you would be.” The next day, I switched hotels to one right on the Falls. We spent the whole day together and Connie’s DH remarked that Connie had more energy than he had seen her have in a long time. It was early July and very hot and I suggested we go to back to my room and relax together because I had found that the movie The King’s Speech was paying on the PayTV channel in my room. Connie had not seen the movie and I felt they would really enjoy it. I lay down on my bed and Connie and DH sat in a couch near my bed and we watched the movie. Interspersed with her laughter and keen interest, there were many catnaps. I watched her sleeping  and just rejoiced at being in their presence. It was just so beautiful that she was able to be herself with me and at the same time she was so sick. Now, I am crying, as I type.

We went food shopping together and we had dinner again. The next morning Connie’s DH drove me to Buffalo and I flew to the States from there. I had spoken to M., just once, early on in Connie’s illness and came to know him and like him, very much, on this trip. He had worked, on the assembly line, for GM for I think 30+ years and was totally devoted to Connie. M. perhaps you will read this and I want you to know, again, how much I admire you. You define what a husband/friend should be and it was done without fanfare...it was just done...and done, beautifully, with your love. My heart has been, is and will be with you. 

Connie’s difficulties were chronicled elsewhere on this board for over a year. I don’t believe it will serve anyone to rehash them(and Connie would not be pleased if I did) but I did want to say that Connie fought the battle with dignity, strength and intelligence. She rarely complained so when she confided in me, rarely, about how tough it was...in those moments I felt particularly close to her and was glad she could open her heart. I believe she felt ‘safe’ with me and I with her. I told her about my advocacy work and opened up my heart to her and shared things with her that I have not shared with others. Our meeting made our friendship even more intimate and strengthened it. And a new friendship with M. was formed.

Then my grandson came (a month ago today) and I sent her a bunch of pictures and she absolutely rejoiced. She and M. kindly sent a box of stuffed animals for Ethan and Connie was so happy for me/us.

So, our dear Connie- May you rest in peace, my wonderful friend. It was good to tell you that I love you and it was good to receive your emails ending in “your forever friend, Connie”

well you are our forever friend, too. You inspired me with your dedication to this forum and to the folks here. You graced us with your presence and I again am sending you..

my love,

Steve

 

Linda

 

"I stood watching as the little ship sailed out to sea. The setting sun tinted her white sails with a golden light and as she disappeared from sight a voice at my side whispered, "She is gone"

 

But the sea was a narrow one. On the farther shore a little band of friends had gathered to watch and wait in happy expectation. Suddenly they caught sight of the tiny sail and, at the very moment when my companion had whispered, "She is gone" a glad shout went up in joyous welcome. "Here she comes!"

 

Thank you for being in my life Connie

Mainsailset

May she rest in the peaceful splendor of heaven surrounded by the saints and angels. 

Love, 

Sue

There will, at Connie’s request, not be any services.

Connie’s DH and I had a lovely talk. He said, "I have a favor to ask..do you remember the TNBC Foundation pin you gave Connie? do you think you could send me a few? There are several people I would like to give it to.” 

I always wear a pin in my lapel and Connie, if I remember correctly put the one I gave her on her pocketbook and people would ask her about it and even suffering from various ailments she would tell folks about TNBC and the TNBC Foundation. Extraordinary, always. But that was Connie. Hard typing was. In fact, I believe, in various ways her spirit will always be here.

I am sending this thread to Connie’s DH so that he can show the family. Your expressions of love and condolences will be so very, very appreciated.

with my love,

Steve

 

My thoughts and prayers are with her family.

 

Ann

Rest in eternal peace and love, dear Connie.  

Kim

We have written back a forth for a short time and I will never forget the beautiful card she sent when she added my name to a prayer list that was world wide. I am not Catholic so I didn't understand it completely but I knew it was special to her and therefore special to me.

 

I know she is resting in the arms of Jesus...

Connie, I'll see you there when He calls me home!

 

 

Such a beautiful tribute to our dear Connie. 

what Linda said about your eloquent post..I say again...just beautiful.

To Connie-

Well, the truth be known I have been in a deep, dark funk all day thinking about you...and I hear your voice saying to me..”I worry about you.” This is one of those days, dear Connie, when your worry was justified, because I was truly a mess...

However, Connie, you will be happy to know that I looked into my grandson’s face today and I swear he smiled at me and I was ecstatic.  I am soooo soooo happy you got to see him and also happy that you got to see me holding him. I know you rejoiced with me. 

For the first time, in a very long time, tonight, a woman sent me an email with a question and I wrote back..."I am so sorry but I am just so tired...can we discuss this tomorrow?" and she said “that would be fine.” so you see, my friend I will heed your advice..

I am so happy you liked the St. Peregrine things I sent you. They came from a woman on the forum whose faith is a strong as yours. It helps sustain her as yours helped you.

I am afraid I will ramble now so I will close with..

rest in peace, dear friend..

with my love,

Steve

 

My prayers are with her family.

 

Steve- I would like to think that Connie sent that smile to you through your beautiful grandson.

 

Love Keri

 

Rest assured, dear, dear friend, that Connie has gently placed her hand upon your shoulder with a radiant smile upon her face.  It came through your precious little grandson's face.

 

 

 

Thank you Steve for letting us know about Connie.

 

I just read Steve's post and was happy that you chose my birthday to return to our Heavenly Father.  As a sister transcriptionist and TNBC fighter, you have been a wealth of knowledge to me and this forum and your presence has been missed for some time now, but we always held hope that you would jump back in as you sometimes did over the past two years of my diagnosis in 2009 and then re-diagnosis this year. 

 

Thank you my friend for your candour, your lightness, and most of all your love that you shared so freely with us all.  May the blessings of our Lord Jesus Christ be upon you, your family and all who were blessed to know you personally and virtually.  You are a GREAT LADY! Thank you for being you!

 

Rest now little one and know that we will all meet again and yes, we know each other by our love for each other. 

 

May this forum continue its great work of knowledge, friendship, and most of all LOVE....

 

PS:  Say hello to Paco for us and let him know we thank him for his loyalty to you too!

Love and hugs, Helen in Nova Scotia, Canada

hope you are doing well.

Pam

what a lovely, lovely post.

Rest assured that Connie did have some help on the final journey. 

I also believe that she knew that she was important to us and also I think she was more comfortable helping others than leaning on us. She was a giver and sometimes givers find it hard to accept from others.

But I think it is very important for all of us to realize that while she loved this TNBC Foundation family of ours she loved her privacy and also did not want to be a burden on any of us as she faced such difficult days. I could not convince her otherwise and I stopped talking about it. I left it, very clearly, as “Connie, if you change your mind and would like me to post for you, again, or ask for prayers for you, please let me know.” A couple of times she did post and asked for prayers but, basically, I decided to step to the side and have our relationship continue privately.

And as with everyone I am trying to help I always do so privately. Whatever I knew about Connie’s condition stayed off the boards and I will always follow that practice. She, at times, wrote candidly about what was happening to her...but for much of the time stayed silent. I stayed silent, all of the time, except when I wrote things that she instructed I write.

Donna, again, you have captured the essence of Connie so eloquently with your post. She loved you and she loved all of us. I hope my words, above, further help you understand her long periods of silence. Also, at times, the intensity of her struggle made it almost impossible, in my opinion, to reach out to anyone.

When you are living a nightmare it is hard to be ‘normal.’ Under the circumstances I think she did a monumentally beautiful job in continuing to be supportive to the women she met in Toronto. I think she found that easier to do, one-on-one, than share, what she was going through, here. She had a lot more of herself invested in this site than any of us will ever know. The women in the infusion room saw what she was enduring so for her, it was just ‘easier’ and none of it was easy. Yet, she found the time to help some women very directly including advice regarding the complicated Canadian healthcare system. No easy task as I am sure TracyMac can attest to.

Stay well, dear Donna.

all the best,

Steve

 

Donna that was so authentically shared, thank you. Connie is with us in spirit here and Donna you  just pulled us into that warm space of love and trust and caring that the people here have for each other.....

 

I came on here in April 2009 absolutely clueless and thinking triple neg was a good dx and

I read Connies posts. I  liked her feistyness and found I would come back even if it scared the heck out of me and it hurt a lot when someone passed away.

 

 It made me dare to look at  the in depth informational posts. For the longest time I wouldn't look at metastatic threads. Nope thats not for me! Had no clue and did not want to learn the progression of the disease.

 

But you come to love the posters and u  look forward to reading the humorous stories about  treatment and our race to the finish of our chemo, small advances and crazy chemo experiences and the personal stuff and u realize u are involved and can no longer look away.

 

We were very fortunate to have had Connie on this board. All the women who have passed through this portal were my teachers.

 

Love and Peace,

Karen

I think it is a lovely testament to Connie and will show her loved ones how cherished she was here.

As always, there are many, whose lives Connie touched, who have completed treatment, are NED and do not post. That is simply the reality of this site and is totally understandable.

with my love to all of you,

Steve

Shelly Rae

Dear Steve and everyone,

I have no words to describe my grief in English.

 

Connie is　my first friend and mate of TNBC.
And she helped me, introduced me other TNBC mates, and informed me
a lot of important TNBC information.

I'll pray for Connie and her family.

I believe as long as anyone keeps in mind about Connie, she is alive.
And we never forget her.

Thank you Steve and Nancy.

 

with love and grief

 

Connie - without you I truely believe I would not be here today!  I believe the standard treatment here would not have helped me at all.  My onc was most impressed by my knowledge of TNBC (thanks again Connie) and welcomed by pushing the options!  He indeed wanted to refer me to some specialists - but here unless you ask, you do not receive!

 

Rest well, Connie!  I am glad there is a Angel like you now watching me from the heavens - help me stay on the right path and keep me seeking those options!

 

Hugs Forever

DM

 

Take care

Mainy

 

You have brought tears to my eyes knowing that she was thinking of me in her last few hours.  She was such strength and light to me, she really guided me when I wa lost - and she always made me smile.  Thank you for making her seem even a brighter light in my life  :)

 

DM