which was the hardest for you to cope with? |
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scared 
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Joined: Nov 09 2009 Location: Seattle Status: Offline Points: 224 |
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 Topic: which was the hardest for you to cope with?Posted: Sep 15 2010 at 1:20am |
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Hello friends,
I have been away for awhile but often find women that have had breast cancer and we end up sharing our experiences. What it comes down to many times is what the hardest part of our experiences was in going through the treatment of breast cancer. For us it was the radiation, especially the last two weeks the pain was pretty severe. Becky says that she would not want to go through that again. If you have a choice I did not mention go ahead and list it, many come to mind. Mortality issues was the hardest part for me. I prayed that God would take my life before my wife's. Money issues were there for us as well, fear of losing it all. Becky is back to work and we are on strict diets. So we no longer see it as a diet, but a life changing eating program. (I have lost 25 pounds in three months, and we both are experiencing more energy in life) Breast Cancer is horrible, and going through treatment is what we must do to survive. I was wondering which were the toughest parts for you, and how did you cope? If you are new to this, the answers could give you some insight on how to get through it and at the same time keep your sanity. Wishing you all the best! Dave
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Wife diagnosed 7/08 stage 2B 4.78cm with 3 nodes. 15 weeks of Adriamycin and Cytoxin, Mastectomy, 12 weeks of Taxol, and 6.5 weeks of radiation.
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123Donna
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Joined: Aug 24 2009 Location: St. Louis, MO Status: Offline Points: 13510 |
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Posted: Sep 15 2010 at 8:10am |
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Dave,
Interesting post. I agree that some aspects of this disease is harder than others. For me, it was the idea of having to do chemo and realizing one's own mortality. With TNBC there is a higher risk of recurrence so living with the fear can be overwhelming at times. Glad to hear you and Becky are making life style changes. How does Becky like her new job? Sounds like you're both making positive changes for the better. Donna |
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DX IDC TNBC 6/09 age 49, Stage 1,Grade 3, 1.5cm,0/5Nodes,KI-67 48%,BRCA-,6/09bi-mx, recon, T/C X4(9/09)
11/10 Recur IM node, Gem,Carb,Iniparib 12/10,MRI NED 2/11,IMRT Radsx40,CT NED11/13,MRI NED3/15 |
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The Texas Woman
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Joined: Sep 07 2009 Location: Bryan Texas Status: Offline Points: 74 |
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Posted: Sep 15 2010 at 9:19am |
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I agree that realizing one's own mortality was/is the hardest for me. Not to say that other things haven't been hard but that was/is the hardest. Without hope for tomorrow, living every day fully is hard to do. My sister, who still has ovarian cancer after 13 years, told me recently that physically I don't have cancer now but mentally, I still have it. She was right. I'm trying to change my thinking. Although Sis is still on chemo (and will probably never have hair again), her attitude is wonderful and she's been a tremendous role model for me, although we both wish it wasn't all about cancer!
cher |
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Dx: 7/09 TN IDC Stage llB, T2, N1, Grade 3 and associated DCIS, BRCA Neg, Taxol x 12, FAC x 4, left mastectomy March 2010
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nmunoz
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Posted: Sep 15 2010 at 10:03am |
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In my my case facing my own mortality has also been hard. The truth is that this journey has been filled with tough decisions to make. First it was surgery, then chemo and radiation. Since I am BRCA1 positive I will also need to have my ovaries removed soon so I am now deciding if and when I will have another child ...
One thing that hit me harder than I thought was losing my hair. At the beginning I used to think that was the least of my problems but when it happened and I looked at myself bald it hit me pretty hard. The other really hard thing for me was when I finished treatment and the what now began. I guess that is tied to the mortality thing ... My birthday was last week and I was so happy that day. I now feel that every birthday I get to celebrate is such a precious gift. Now every year I will be wondering if I will reach the next birthday. That's a strange thought when you just turned 34 ... The absolute hardest is learning to live with this monster that lurks around. Best to all, Natalia |
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Natalia, 38 years
Dx TNBC 10/22/08, BRCA1+ Double Mx 11/20/08 with Recon. 3/37 nodes Rads 7 weeks done 8/09 ACx4 every 2 weeks and Tx12 weeks. Avastin e/3 weeksx10 (Clinical Trial) Done Dec/09 |
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The Texas Woman
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Posted: Sep 15 2010 at 10:13am |
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Happy belated b-day, Natalia!
cher |
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Dx: 7/09 TN IDC Stage llB, T2, N1, Grade 3 and associated DCIS, BRCA Neg, Taxol x 12, FAC x 4, left mastectomy March 2010
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scared
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Posted: Sep 15 2010 at 10:17am |
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Hi Donna,
It takes every ounce of strength she has to go to work and function like she did before cancer. She is not as fast in processing as she used to be (but it takes time having been out of it for over two years) she is catching on gradually. We began walking for 35-40 minutes around a lake (Greenlake) in our area, now the weather has turned and it is getting darker faster so she is doing the treadmill. We are approaching three years next June and my fingers are constantly crossed that nothing shows up in her next visits to the oncologist's office. The cancer has not been on my mind as often as before, and her birthday is Monday. We celebrated 29 years together and hope for that many more. Wishing you all the best, Dave
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Wife diagnosed 7/08 stage 2B 4.78cm with 3 nodes. 15 weeks of Adriamycin and Cytoxin, Mastectomy, 12 weeks of Taxol, and 6.5 weeks of radiation.
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TNBC_in_NS
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Joined: Jul 26 2009 Location: NS Canada Status: Offline Points: 2028 |
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Posted: Sep 15 2010 at 11:13am |
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Happy Birthday (Belated) to you Natalie!!!
 Sending a Great BIG Happy Birthday to Becky for Monday!!!!
 All the best for another 29 years together for you, Dave & Becky!
Good to hear you are changing your lifestyle and feeling better for it! I am sure we never quite get over the treatments and the way of life we had pre-cancer, but it is now the quality of life we share with others that matters the most. I found the chemo to be debilitating and was unable to do anything throughout it and was allergic to it so had to take extra medications to combat the reactions, low wbc so had to take Neupogen to boot! It was the worst part of my life and at times wished to die, but today I am glad I didn't ....so I guess everything happens for a reason!
Life is precious so enjoy and relax, do what you can and forget about what you can't do....be glad we are here to still be able to experience the life that God has given us and share that with others who cross our paths. Good to see you post again Dave and if Becky has time, maybe she can give us her update. Your sister on a new journey, Helen in NS
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Diag@57TNBC04/092.5cm Lquad 05/09 TCx4Radsx30CT03/01/10 FU03/31/10ClearBRCA- 01/2011 RTNBC BMX 06/14/2011~2013 clear
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CiGi
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Posted: Sep 15 2010 at 11:14am |
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For me, just the dx of cancer. I was in a low risk group so I never thought I would ever have it. I eat very healthy, have healthy habits, no cancer in my family and I stay active. Cancer never entered in my mind even when I found the lump I though it was a cyst. The breast surgeon felt the lump and looked at my mammo and said that she believed it was cancer, I did not believe her. They did the biopsy and she told me it was positive and I was still in disbelief. Until my lumpectomy and I read the pathology report did it hit me like a ton of bricks, I have cancer. I had to see it in writing. I googled everything on that report. When I read about TN, I cried, I shut off my computer and cried myself to sleep. Since I've been on this website, I have a positive outlook and decided to fight and fight and fight..... I've been through a lot so far in my life and I'm not done yet!
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Age 40, 4/28/10 lumpectomy (3 cm) TNBC Grade 3 Stage 2 0/3 nodes, TAC 6x 3 week cycles start 6/15 finish 9/27, 33 rounds rads 11/22. BRCA1 & 2 neg. Lymphedema rt hand 8/14. Joint pain Dec 2010.
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Lillie
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Posted: Sep 15 2010 at 4:50pm |
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Dave (No Longer Scared)
We've never met, but I feel like I know you and Becky. I am so glad that Becky and you are taking some big leaps here in 2010. I know the TNBC still lurks, but you are headed in the right direction. I sincerely am very happy for both of you. Each step of the cancer journey was hard for me, but going on after the treatments stopped was the worst (very difficult)...... I'm four years out, so let me say, it does get better. God Bless, Lillie |
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Dx 6/06 age 65,IDC-TNBC
Stage IIb,Gr3,2cm,BRCA- 6/06 L/Mast/w/SNB,1of3 Nodes+ 6/06 Axl. 9 nodes- 8/8 thru 11/15 Chemo (Clin-Trial) DD A/Cx4 -- DD taxol+gemzar x4 No Rads. No RECON - 11/2018-12 yrs NED |
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hhhh
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Posted: Sep 17 2010 at 3:57pm |
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hello all,
i'm new here but i'm gonna go ahead and give my 2 cents... the hardest part for me about my mom's diagnosis is this...i'm 30, have been married for 5 years and don't have any children. my mom, who was just diagnosed for the first time this past august, had been on my case to give her some grandkids. my worst fear is that she won't be around to meet them. she is such a treasure and the thought of raising children without her and having robbed my future kids of the chance to get to know her absolutely kills me. But, this fear only creeps into my mind at my low-points. I'm confident she will be well and be around to see all that happen -- she's just got to.
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kirby
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Posted: Sep 17 2010 at 5:52pm |
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hhh,
read some of the threads on how many years out are you ? etc. Commonly you are not hearing from those who have moved on so the perspective for most is fairly fresh. I hope this adds to your confidence. Note my stats.
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kirby
dx Feb. 2001. Age 44 Lumpectomy 2cm. no nodes stage 1 grade 3 4 rnds AC, 35 rads |
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lrderedita
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Posted: Sep 18 2010 at 6:23pm |
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I find it hard to cope with the decision making...am I making the right choices? I guess I am pretty practical and live by "it is what it is", seek as much information as I can and make the best decision I can at that time.
Now after three recurrences, I am worried about the treatment decisions. There is no clear cut progression of drugs or combination of drugs...even how many cycles to take or how often to scan...and now currently avastin is working, but how long do I continue this regimen...I think it is time to take a chemo holiday for a couple of months, scan and see how those little persistent lymphnode spots react.
Interesting thread, Dave.
Lynne
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Age 46-5/06 lump ACT, Rads; 5/08 Rec bi-mast,Etopiside/ Cisplatin; 11/08 Rec Rads/ Gemzar(rad dose); 7/09 supraclav nodes Avastin/ Abraxane Sept09-current
Joyful in Christ through all circumstances! |
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trip2
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Posted: Sep 19 2010 at 12:00pm |
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Dave, so good to hear things are looking up for you and Becky and a belated birthday wish to her.
You amaze me along with a couple of other men who have taken the interest and time to educate
yourself about what your wife was/is going thru. Kudos to you Dave.
I will be honest here as to your question and say looking back and forward, going thru two dx's, all the issues that one normally has to deal with plus the extra's given to me, the worst learning I am brca 1+, not for me but knowing I've passed this on to my daughters and possibly my 2 sons, I think it all has been horrible, I question that I'll ever get past health problems after the fact as I sit here once again in the hospital because of a weakened immune system caused by chemo/rads.
Guess it sounds like I have a sour attitude, not really, but in being honest with how I myself feel, I think the whole kit and kaboodle stinks. The one worst thing would be passing the brca 1 mutation to my children, other than that for me from dx to today and I'm sure tomorrow, in my personal situation, everything about this disease stinks.
I haven't been in here for about a week, I come back and see we've lost 3 more women, just heartbreaking and so frustrating.
Lynne,
Love your avatar, you just look beautiful, a big smile! I will be coming up to Tulsa for the Pinkfiretruck event on Oct.21, if I have my way about things, by any chance are you planning on going? I'd love to meet you. You may PM me if you like,
Keep us posted on how the chemo holiday goes, fingers crossed the scan will be a good one.
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Stage 2 2003
Stage 1 2007 BRCA 1+ |
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lrderedita
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Posted: Sep 19 2010 at 7:01pm |
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Hi Pam,
I had to google the pink fire truck event. Sounds like fun. I will definitely plan to be there. We can pm closer to the date and determine a meeting place and time. Thanks for mentioning it! Lynne
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Age 46-5/06 lump ACT, Rads; 5/08 Rec bi-mast,Etopiside/ Cisplatin; 11/08 Rec Rads/ Gemzar(rad dose); 7/09 supraclav nodes Avastin/ Abraxane Sept09-current
Joyful in Christ through all circumstances! |
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trip2
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Posted: Sep 20 2010 at 1:07pm |
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I'm sorry, should have given you the link but glad you found it Lynne. Look forward to getting this arranged..
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Stage 2 2003
Stage 1 2007 BRCA 1+ |
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zoomommy2
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Posted: Sep 20 2010 at 1:26pm |
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Actually, the hardest part for me was being stopped at finishing my last 5 rounds of Taxol. It was stopped because of my emergency 4.5 hr gall bladder surgery. My onc said I'd have to be off chemo too long for the remaining Taxol treatments to have enough effect to bother with. That left me with feeling like in a boat with no oars to paddle with. That feeling has diminished a lot, but is still there. I would gladly have finished my last few rounds of Taxol if allowed to.
Lee in Denver
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dx6/09,stageII,gr3,(L)mastectomy 7/09,ACx4,Taxolx7,Avastin study,gall bladder surgery 1/10,4/11 Stage 4, mets to lung, 4/11 Started Taxotere and Xeloda, 5/11 Taxotere stopped, off Xeloda
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Twin Sister
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Posted: Sep 20 2010 at 8:19pm |
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Just finished #5 of 12 Taxol and the hardest part is financial fear. Can I work enough to keep my house payments paid? My utiity bills? It is so much to be responsible for especially when I have the energy of a limp noodle..........
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DX4/10IDCSt2Gr3BRCA-Lump4/30/10, port,A/Cx46/14/10;wklyTaxol8/10ended 11/10/10.Rads35xbegin 11/10. LumpRBreastB9
2/2011,MammoOK 8/11 PET-metsIntlMamryChain12/11Xeloda,IMRT8wks;5/12 Mets,Stage4 |
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scared
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Posted: Sep 21 2010 at 10:03am |
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Hello Twin Sister,
If it were not for my wife's parents helping us with a three year loan to pay for our house we would have lost it. When first diagnosed i knew that Becky could not work and not only coping with all the fears of breast cancer we would have to go through the stress of getting our place ready for the market and in 2007 we would have lost most of our money because home prices were low. Well, we asked them to help us get our home ready for the market and they offered us a three year loan to cover those payments and we took them up on their offer. Becky made 3.5 times my income and I started working 50-65 hours a week but that did not help much because they took a lot more taxes. Our deal with her parents are that when we sell our house we will pay them back with interest. Could you possibly do that with family? We also had friends that would send us checks because they knew our situation with no expectations of repayment. It is hard enough fighting cancer and even paying for the co-pays of medications and treatments. I wish you the best and I am wondering if there are places for us to go to for help. Anyone know?
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Wife diagnosed 7/08 stage 2B 4.78cm with 3 nodes. 15 weeks of Adriamycin and Cytoxin, Mastectomy, 12 weeks of Taxol, and 6.5 weeks of radiation.
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Twin Sister
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Posted: Sep 22 2010 at 1:10pm |
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Scared, thanks for response. I'm just so tired and achy. It is hard to care.
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DX4/10IDCSt2Gr3BRCA-Lump4/30/10, port,A/Cx46/14/10;wklyTaxol8/10ended 11/10/10.Rads35xbegin 11/10. LumpRBreastB9
2/2011,MammoOK 8/11 PET-metsIntlMamryChain12/11Xeloda,IMRT8wks;5/12 Mets,Stage4 |
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northerngal
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Posted: Sep 22 2010 at 10:51pm |
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I agree with Pam-the hardest part was finding out that i was BRCA +. It would be easier to cope with if I knew it ended with me-my daughter thank god tested negative, as did my 3 sisters and brother, but I still have 3 sons to test-my eldest is getting engaged soon, & wanting children, it would be horrible if this were passed on down to them I appreciate all the posts from Steve as I can relate to his feelings being a carrier, my dad passed this on to me, and I pray it ends with me.
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DX IDC TNBC 5/08 age 50 Stage 2 no nodes FAC chemo lumpectomy taxol rads/9/09 DX Stage 3 fallopian tube cancer, surgery(too many "ectomy's to post) intraperitoneal chemo cisplatin,carbo,taxol BRCA 1+
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