"Waking The Warrior Goddess"

Hi Ronda,

I'm new here and am just going through all the threads.  Skippy, your post brought me to tears.  I've had bouts of the same feelings as you.  The first time I got cancer, I was all gung-ho and very positive - I was a warrior goddess - but the second time around is much harder to cope with.  As long as I'm feeling physically good, I am more positive.  But when I have those days that I don't feel too well, I am so very down it scares me.  Even on the good days, the thoughts about cancer and mets and "am I going to make it" always hide in the shadows of my brain.  I also sometimes wonder if everything we are going through is worth it.  I've had days where I've actually asked God to take me because I didn't think I could take it anymore.  One day I was so mad at Him, I told Him I wasn't going to talk to him for awhile.  Don't know what your religious belief is and I am not trying to force anything on you - I'm just trying to tell you how I feel sometimes and hopefully you can relate.  You know, it's quite interesting.  When I'm feeling down, it's almost like I want to know that someone else is also feeling down, so that I don't feel so alone.  But then when I read about someone else feeling down, it saddens me so - I don't want them to feel the same way - it's so hard.  I HATE THIS DISEASE and I just hate what it is doing to so many men and women.  But at the same time, I know that great strides are being made in curing cancer and it is important for us to hang on to that.  I hope today finds your mind at ease and you can enjoy your day, week, month, year, forever.  I'm thinking of you and wishing you only peace through all of this.  You are not alone.