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barrycarrot View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote barrycarrot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Apr 13 2016 at 2:57pm
Hi Ladies. Have been reading up since I've been away for a while myself. This is such a wonderful uplifting forum.
Jacklin - I could have written your same note awhile back about how you are feeling. Friday is my last chemo and I'll be starting my 4 week wait for surgery as well. I'm scared to not be physically doing something to fight this ugly disease. I'm struggling to find my new "normal" and have had a lot of tears lately. I too have some meds to help, thankfully. I thought I was past the overwhelming feeling I had when first diagnosed but goes to show you that this is journey and so I guess we'll go up and down through it all.
 
I pray for you all every day. We are in this together, thankfully with the Lord. I can't imagine going through it without him! Hugs!
Age 40, DX: 12/10/15 Stage 1 TNBC, BRCA-, 7mm tumor in left breast, no nodes, ACT Chemo 1/4/16 - 4/15/16, Lumpectomy 5/16/16, PCR (Praise God!), radiation 6/22/16 -8/3/2016
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote Guests Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Apr 13 2016 at 8:38pm
Thanks for all the prayers. The endocrine Dr has to switch steroids and do more tests in a month. She doesnt think I have Addisons disease though. I have to get one of those automatic home blood pressure cuffs. She is decreasing the new steroid too and dropping blood pressure is the real danger. Thats why they found this problem in the firat place. Fortunately i was in hospital when it happened.
Dr said if blood pressure drops below 100 over 70 or 80 to go to the emergency room.
She doesnt think that will happen though. God has watched over me and kept me safe through many things in my life and have been remembering those times today. That gives me courage to keep going. He is in controll. For wich I am very thankful.
Another Hymn comes to mind."I am trusting thee lord Jesus every day and hour supplying all my need"
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote gordon15 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Apr 13 2016 at 8:51pm
Thanks for the good news update.




Edited by gordon15 - Apr 14 2016 at 3:20am
wife: IDC/Lobular Stage2B 2008 lumpectomy/TAC+rads
TNBC Stage 3A/w/metaplastic/squamous Nov2015 Carboplatin-Gemzar chemo/masectomy Taxolchemo+rads 4-16
PET scan stable 9-2016/ 1-2017
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Jacklin View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Jacklin Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Apr 13 2016 at 10:26pm
Hey babycarrot, love your name!! Sorry you also have to be here, but glad you found your way here, that's a God thing, He directed your path here. Those tears you speak of are very normal, and it is your way of grieving some of the losses that come with TNBC. Know that I pray for everyone here, multiple times every day - for strength, comfort, courage, hope, healing and above all that He would be glorified through our illness. You are right, this certainly is a journey, and like you, I'm so incredibly thankful that we serve a risen Saviour, one who has overcome the grave and has a master plan for each life. Just how would I get through this without Him?

Praying you sleep well
Dx: Nov. 27/15, TNBC, left breast & lymph, BRCA -; Chemo: Dec 4/15 - Mar 4/16; 4 DD A/C, 3 DD Taxol; BMX/ALND: April 26/16; Stage 3C; Radiation: June 10-July 15/16; 1 cycle Xeloda: Aug 15 - 28/16
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Lillie View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Lillie Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Apr 14 2016 at 9:06am
Dear babycarrot,
I am sorry you have a need to find this site; but so glad you did.  The tears are normal for the circumstance you are in.  You are in the process of getting treatment, surgery, and radiation.  When you are in active treatment you feel you are doing something to combat the cancer.  When you are in a holding pattern between chem and surgery you feel as though you are spinning your wheels.  It is scary and finding the 'New Normal' will be a process.  As long as you can fill your days with something that feels 'normal'; it helps.  Walking helped me.  Getting out some helped me.  I would go to Target and push a cart around, slowly, just to 'sense something normal'....  Hang onto your faith and pray and know that others are praying for you.  Intecessary prayer from friends and strangers is a HUGE thing.  Think positive thoughts as much as possible.  Keep posting here and let us help and encourage you.  Things will get better, but it takes time.  I was at least 5 years out from my cancer treatments before I began to feel some total relief from the thoughts and fears of recurrence.  Good luck and know that 'If God is for you, Who can be against you.?
Love and God Bless,
Lillie


Edited by Lillie - Apr 14 2016 at 9:12am
Dx 6/06 age 65,IDC-TNBC
Stage IIb,Gr3,2cm,BRCA-
6/06 L/Mast/w/SNB,1of3 Nodes+
6/06 Axl. 9 nodes-
8/8 thru 11/15 Chemo (Clin-Trial) DD A/Cx4 -- DD taxol+gemzar x4
No Rads.
No RECON - 11/2018-12 yrs NED
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Guests Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Apr 14 2016 at 3:53pm
Lilly i love how you would push a cart around target. I really enjoy grocery shopping now. It does help me feel normal again. The reason i had reconstruction at the sametime as bmx .i told the Dr i just want to look and feel normal again. After losing my hair i felt so not normal i knew this surgery would really be depressing.im so glad i did. Im so glad they can do it that way now.
Im so thankful for all of you and all tbe things ive learned. All the great relationships that have developed with people i thought i new but now know them so much better. And most of all they know me. I guess i wasnt very real with people before hid behind a mask but cancer ripped that false front right off. Its hard to explain. I have always been a people person. My dad said about me that i never met a stranger. But this helped make tbe relationships i had deeper. I still cry all by myself and hug my teddy bear. I still worry about dragging my family down so sometimes i have a false smile with them. But other people i can really talk too.im not explaining it very well
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snugltz View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote snugltz Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Apr 14 2016 at 5:17pm
You can take this as you like but I believe it.  We have a bird feeder and a hummingbird feeder in our back yard.  I love the little hummingbirds.  I call them my angels.  I was sitting outside just now.  It is extremely windy so no birds were in the yard at all.  I waited and waited.  No birds. I was thinking about you all and asked God to send me a hummingbird angel if he really was watching over you dear ladies who were praying to Him for help along the way. I had finished the last word of the prayer and this most beautiful hummingbird, had a fiery red head and an shiny green body flew right in front of me.  Not at all by the hummingbird feeder.  So I believe fully that was a sign from heaven. 
1 cm, 0/2 neg nodes, lumpectomy 6/16/10, cytoxin/taxotere 4x every three weeks, rad start 11/8 33X
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Jacklin View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Jacklin Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Apr 14 2016 at 7:21pm
Dear Snugltz, for sure this was a sign from God. He is SO able and SO mighty and does things we never could expect. I needed to read this tonight, thank you for sharing this. And, I am so happy that you saw this very tangible sign from God today - praying that it has strengthened your faith in Him as well.

Ginie, you said it very well and I understand what you were trying to express. I also agree that pushing a shopping cart feels very normal right now. You can count your blessings in that you were able to have reconstruction at the same time as your mastectomy. For me, I have to wait at least a year because of radiation. We both can be thankful that there is medication, although very toxic, to fight the cancer in our bodies and that the technology exists today for reconstruction. Imagine if we'd had TNBC 30 or 40 years ago....

Lillie, as always, thank you for sharing. 5 years.....hmm, that seems reasonable in light of how cancer changes our lives. And, to find the new 'normal' seems somewhat daunting as it seems that very little is the same as it was before the diagnosis. What I do know is that I can rest in Him, beside still waters and He will be with me every step of the way ensuring His plan is unfolding. His ways are so much higher than mine and I might never know the "why" of my diagnosis, but I certainly do know who holds the future and it's safe in His hands.
Dx: Nov. 27/15, TNBC, left breast & lymph, BRCA -; Chemo: Dec 4/15 - Mar 4/16; 4 DD A/C, 3 DD Taxol; BMX/ALND: April 26/16; Stage 3C; Radiation: June 10-July 15/16; 1 cycle Xeloda: Aug 15 - 28/16
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Annie View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Annie Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Apr 15 2016 at 9:16am


   Snugltz, What a BEAUTIFUL sign from God!

             Thanks for sharing. God Bless.

             Love, Annie
Annie TNBC Stage IIA Gr 3 1cm lesion 2/5 lymph nodes+ lumpectomy,FEC & D 30Rads finished(08/2009) BRCA- Chronic Cellulitis due to Radiation-- L.Mastectomy Jan 2012
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Minigerkin Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Apr 15 2016 at 1:29pm
Snugltz,
Your beautiful story about the birds, and the sign from God from yesterday was so inspirational.  I believe your sign and the prayer I uttered last evening are somehow connected. I finished my final boost yesterday, and last night I thanked God for this journey's end and prayed for Him to heal all my friends from this site!

Hugs,
MiniG
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Guests Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Apr 17 2016 at 6:01pm
Hi sisters. In church today I was convicted because I have had trouble with being angry with God. The sermon was about Jesus raising Lazerus from the dead. Lazerus sister Martha said to Jesus if you had been here my brother would not have died. She thought He had let her down. She trusted Him and He wasnt there for them.
I felt that way too. But He didnt let her down. He let Lazerus die so He could reveal Himself to them. So they could see He has the power of life and death. He raised Lazerus from the dead so they would all remember it and would not doubt later. I was encouraged and reminded that God is using my cancer and everything to reveal His glory in my life. He loves me and has a reason for my suffering. To help and encorage people as they see Him work. Really I am priviledged to suffer and feel His strength and Love in ways I COULDNT without suffering.
What really hit home was that I am 52 years old and having to learn this again. I knew it in my head. He has delivered me before. He has done so many miracles in my life and I know I would not be able to even breathe without His Love. But I was still having some feelings of frustration. It just goes to show me how much I need a savior.
He didnt come to save the righteous He came to save sinners like me. He forgives me and covers my sinful emotions with His love. Its so good to know He understands.
When Martha said that to Him He didnt get angry with her He was moved to tears because He loves her and us so much. He sees our weekness and knows how much we need Him. He loves us inspite of our doubt.
Lord Help My Unbelief.
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Annie View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Annie Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Apr 17 2016 at 7:39pm



   Dear Romnessprite1,   You are one Beautiful Lady!

                         I was moved to tears at your words.   Your words on Suffering are Truth and I believe a great gift has been given to you by our Savior.

                        No one can say it is a privilege to suffer without knowing the Savior himself.

                        I have re:read this post several times and am tremendously uplifted. Thank You for sharing.

                        Love, Annie
Annie TNBC Stage IIA Gr 3 1cm lesion 2/5 lymph nodes+ lumpectomy,FEC & D 30Rads finished(08/2009) BRCA- Chronic Cellulitis due to Radiation-- L.Mastectomy Jan 2012
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Minigerkin Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Apr 17 2016 at 8:22pm
Ginie, your strength lies in your belief of God!  Hang on to that, your belief and His  guidance will see you through this ordeal! Also remember, your words of encouragement and all the others on this site, got me through.  I'm healing from the burns of radiation, but you gals and our Lord, guided me. Thanks be to God!
You've got this Sista!

Hugs, MiniG
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Guests Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Apr 18 2016 at 2:14pm
Annie Really there is nothing special about me. Its the Lord. His love is so amazing. Martha falsely acused Him. He had not let her down. He just had a bigger plan. We can only see the small area of our life but He seez the whole world. He knows how we fit into the big picture. How this cancer fits into the big picure. Bringing us together here on this forum. It effects all the Drs and nurses and research peeople.
If someone falsely acuses me I will feel hurt and defend myself. JeSus didnt do that He responded with pure love. He loves each one of us tat much. He was moved to tears. He loves me and you that much too. Knowing that love. Knowing that He has a purpose for my suffering. So He can show Himself to other people. Show Himself to me. Im priviledged to watch Him do miracles. Every day when I wake up that is only because of His love.
Today is a beautiful sunny day here. The trees and flowers are so beautiful outside. He didnt have to put beauty into the worrld. He did it because He loves us and knew we would enjoy nature.
Amazing.
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Jacklin View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Jacklin Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Apr 18 2016 at 11:23pm
Ginie, thank you for sharing what you heard at church. I wonder if we were at the same one!! We also had the sermon on Lazarus but it was a few weeks ago, how Jesus didn't come while Lazarus was alive just so that He could show His power by raising him from the dead. Every word you wrote is so true, just thank you for sharing. I needed to read it and will read it many times again in the next few days - a good reminder for me.

Blessings,
Jackie
Dx: Nov. 27/15, TNBC, left breast & lymph, BRCA -; Chemo: Dec 4/15 - Mar 4/16; 4 DD A/C, 3 DD Taxol; BMX/ALND: April 26/16; Stage 3C; Radiation: June 10-July 15/16; 1 cycle Xeloda: Aug 15 - 28/16
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Jacklin Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Apr 19 2016 at 10:37pm
Hi Sisters,

I have to share this with you - today we met with the pastors at our church for prayer for my upcoming surgery.  I myself keep on praying for wisdom for the medical team but learned an even better way to pray today - that the arms of Jesus would be around the surgeon and guide her hands as she operates. That was such a beautiful image in my mind, it gave so much comfort. I can picture Jesus' arms around her and I am going to carry that image as I walk into OR next week.

They also prayed that God would give her wisdom to not only remove the cancer but also supernatural wisdom beyond anything explainable to do what she otherwise might not do or not even realize why she is doing/checking what she is doing. 

What a tremendous time of prayer today, just what I needed. I've been rather unsettled with all the pain and I find myself at much greater peace tonight. God is good, all the time, and, all the time, God is good!!!
Dx: Nov. 27/15, TNBC, left breast & lymph, BRCA -; Chemo: Dec 4/15 - Mar 4/16; 4 DD A/C, 3 DD Taxol; BMX/ALND: April 26/16; Stage 3C; Radiation: June 10-July 15/16; 1 cycle Xeloda: Aug 15 - 28/16
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Guests Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Apr 20 2016 at 1:29am
Im so glad you had a special prayer. That is a beautiful picture Jesus Arms guiding the surgeon. Im praying for you all through the day at every meal. Im glad you have found peace. The timing will be perfect too. I know this delay has been hard but Im sure God had a reason for that too.
Rest well my friend.
Oh also i wanted to tell you my husband just turned 60 also.Another thing we have in common.😁
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote snugltz Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Apr 20 2016 at 2:19am
Jacklin
I too am praying for a great outcome for your surgery.  Is it just lumpectomy or mastectomy?  I was in and out in just a few hours.  Hope you get the same.  There is still a bit of pain occasionally where the surgery was and also under the arm where the lymph nodes were taken.  I actually through the Susan G  Kolman foundation got free bra (fitted to me) and also several weeks three times a week treatments along with exercises to do to keep from getting lymphedema.  It was all free.  Don't know if Canada does this also.  Let us know how it goes. 
1 cm, 0/2 neg nodes, lumpectomy 6/16/10, cytoxin/taxotere 4x every three weeks, rad start 11/8 33X
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Jacklin Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Apr 20 2016 at 5:09pm
Hi Snugltz, I am having a BMX so no lumpectomy for this girl. I am expected to be in hospital for longer than usual because I have a blood clot in my lungs and am taking blood thinners, so they are preparing for more bleeding than usual and a longer recovery time. I will have levels 1, 2 and 3 lymph nodes removed (everything below the collar bone). I keep on asking for support for lymphedema but am told to wait until it happens after surgery. 
Thanks for everyone's support here, I suspect I am dealing with a bit of grief and being on the heavy pain meds has muddled some of my thinking. Thanks for being patient with me.

See Ginie, we're not that far apart!!

Am trying my best to rest as much as possible. My sister-in-law is picking me up shortly to go for Bible study tonight. I appreciate her doing that as I can't drive now and won't be able to go for a while post-surgery. Am looking forward to it.

Enjoy your evening everyone.

Dx: Nov. 27/15, TNBC, left breast & lymph, BRCA -; Chemo: Dec 4/15 - Mar 4/16; 4 DD A/C, 3 DD Taxol; BMX/ALND: April 26/16; Stage 3C; Radiation: June 10-July 15/16; 1 cycle Xeloda: Aug 15 - 28/16
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Guests Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Apr 20 2016 at 7:55pm
Oh Jaclin Im so sorry. The Lord says He wont give us more than we can handle but I questioned Him on that when it seems I get so much bad news. But the reason He says that is becauze I have to let go. I prayed He would pry it out of my fingers. And restore my peace.
Remember the bigger the problem the bigger the blessing will be.
I hope Im not offending anyone here taking about faith but without faith I would have shriveled up and died years ago. For me my faith is the reason Im alive. Have a purpose. Have hope and peaceband joy.
Love you all. Many special prayers and hugs to you.
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