Singles Battling TNBC

Hello Everyone,

Hello Cheri,

Edited by scared - Feb 08 2010 at 10:57am

Cheri, I don't know whether this will help, but here goes:  it is easy to romanticize the idea of a perfect partner during a health crisis.   Real life partners sometimes rise to the occasion of comforting their ailing partners, and sometimes don't.    As we've seen from some of our sister's stories on other threads, having a partner who seems annoyed or indifferent can be far lonelier than an empty bed.   And even for those of us with mostly very loving partners, twin shadows of fear and death still visit in the dark of night.   We all go there, no matter our circumstances (though those with strong faith in some sort of afterlife  seem to have a little more emotional padding than the rest of us heathens).
Love,
Denise 

You all earn my up most respect. I often wonder how you do it, but after reading this I can tell it is because your are extra extraordinary women. 

Carol,

Love your picture!

Luvlife61,

I'm so sorry you're dealing with more complications.  You mentioned that it is back.  Can you give us some more information about your diagnosis and journey?  What was the size of your tumor and did you have positive nodes?  Did you have chemo prior to surgery or post surgery or just radiation.  If so, what type of chemo?  Where did it come back?  Was it local or distal?  We want to help you any way we can.  Please give us a little more information.

Thanks,
Donna

PS:  You might want to post your information under a new thread in TNBC Talk.  More people will see it and help you get answers to your questions.


Edited by 123Donna - Mar 23 2010 at 7:19am

I was diagnosis on 10/09.  My tumor was 14 cm and I had to have taxol to shrink it.  I had 4 taxol and 1 AC.  My radiologist notice some knots and had one tested and it came back as being positive.  The doctor took 37 lymph nodes and out of those 14 came back positive.  I noticed it came about a week ago. 

I was dating a guy for a year when I got dx 1/09....my treatment ended 11/09...I broke up with him 1/10...I felt sooo alone with him.  But lately, I've been feeling lonley and fearful.  Dont want to scare my sister with my thoughts, so I though I'd share with others in my shoes.

Hi Cheri and other singles,

It is VERY tough to go through this alone.  My daughters are both in college locally but they live on campus.  On June 14, 2010 I was diagnosed with stage 1 bc.  I wanted so badly to be hugged very tightly and feel like I was still part of this world.  My family barely put their arms around me.  I could see everyone was scared but what about me???  For a while my daughters avoided me.  Don't get the idea that we are a family devoid of emotions.  We're very fun and very emotional.  I've always been very affectionate with my daughters.  Nobody then or now wants to hear about my treatment, etc.  They've never seen me in person without a wig on.  One of my sisters, in her attempt to be positive(?), downplays anything I say, even when I have a fever of 102+. 

Chemo started when my daughters returned to college.  I didn't want to burden them but I don't think I've ever felt so alone in my life.  It was very difficult.  Yes, I even made a trip to the pet store but finally decided not to make a hasty decision.  (Mycobacterium? Salmonella? Vet bills?  Just what I need at this time!)  Anyway, my point is, my family didn't meet my needs nor did my therapist.  My guardian angel was sipping a latte.

On to the part about needing to feel like a desirable woman?  A diagnosis of breast cancer and baldness due to chemo definitely did that to me.   A male, pseudo-friend, a health care professional, jumped right in and reassured me.  He gave me all the hugs I needed and then some.  I trusted him.  I'll spare you the painful details, but it was only because I was a vulnerable, desirable  female that he came to my rescue.  I paid a high price emotionally for that reassurance and comfort I craved.  I won't do that again and would caution others.

I just finished chemo this week and I'm past the overwhelming loneliness but it's still not easy.  I've been unemployed for over a year so I decided to go back to school part-time for another degree.  I have lots of married female friends to help keep me occupied and give me support.  It's not the same as having a GOOD partner, but I'm getting through it. 

My friends take me out dancing, my favorite activity. We laugh and have fun. Men occasionally approach me because I look healthy, etc., but I can't respond.  And then I think, what would they do if they knew that this fun-loving, vivacious dancer was bald under this beautiful wig?  What would they say if they knew there were a chance of recurrence?  My self esteem--even to do a presentation--is now shattered.  I know I'm a good person.  Anybody, will my self confidence ever return?  How? 

By now, everyone is probably screaming "Therapist!"  Well, this past week I found out that my therapist's breast cancer recurred.  She's been a wonderful resource but now I'm wondering if we might be unhealthy for each other (no pun intended).  I guess we'll have to discuss this.

Thanks for giving me a place to be heard.

(How do I add a tagline with dx, tx?)

Hi Cheri, Dancerina, and other singles,

Edited by Susie - Nov 08 2010 at 6:08am