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k8e View Drop Down

Joined: Oct 04 2019
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Points: 17
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote k8e Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: Scared
    Posted: Aug 22 2022 at 6:11pm
Hello, it's been a few years. I was diagnosed TNBC Stage 1, Grade 3 in 2019. ACT chemo, surgery, Xeloda chemo. Fast forward to June 2022, I decided I didn't want my implant reconstruction and had explant surgery. Surgery went fine. In July 2022, I started coughing. Last week, I noticed my heart rate was elevated and went to urgent care. I ended up in the ER and CT chest scan showed a "malignant process" (mass on left lung, lesions on the right and some lymph nodes). I was admitted, had a lung biopsy, numerous scans (bone scan clear, EKG clear) and we went ahead and placed a port in my chest. I meet with the oncologist on Wed with a PET scan later this week. Not sure why I am posting. I am young, otherwise healthy and so scared. I asked the oncologist if I was going to die and he said "no, you are not going to die. You are too young and strong to die".  I am taking Xanax to keep myself from crying 24/7 and am just so so scared. I know this is the worst part and once I have a plan I will feel better but the Google stats are terrifying. I know I shouldn't be googling. I have no appetite. I feel numb. I am just so sad. I feel like I just want to die. I am on mistletoe, high dose melatonin, LDN...I feel like I was doing all the things. I am so sorry for everyone going through cancer. I, I just...I am so sad and just want to go away.
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cookie54 View Drop Down

Joined: Oct 24 2020
Location: 08012
Status: Offline
Points: 48
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote cookie54 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug 26 2022 at 9:16pm
Hi k8e Iím so sorry that you are dealing with a probable recurrence, I know itís devastating to get this news! I was diagnosed with lung mets 6/22 , I understand. Take a breath and yes you will feel better once you have your plan. Remember being young and strong is on your side and you will get through one day at a time. I feel as though many days the physical fight is easier than the mental fight. We can be our own worse enemies sometimes which I am guilty of also.Your life has been turned upside down at the moment but it will settle down some. 
Allow yourself time to digest this and then dig deep and find the strength to get through! Iím sure you have people who love you and will be there to help  you through.
Post an update so we can see how your doing, we are always here for support! Sending you good vibes and big hugs 🤗 
8/16,IDC,StageIA,Gr3,0/1 nodes ER-PR-HER2-
9/16 BMX,AC
6/20 Carbo/Gem/pembro
10/20 ALND 5/8 nodes,Rad x25
11/20 thyroid ca
Stage IV 6/22 lung mets

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SagePatientAdvocates View Drop Down
Senior Advisor
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Joined: Apr 15 2009
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Points: 4746
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote SagePatientAdvocates Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug 29 2022 at 5:05pm
Dear k8e,

Your post deeply touched my soul. 

I agree with Cookie and would encourage you to take it one day at a time. It may not resonate with you at the moment but I always tell people that I am helping to
"try to find the beauty in each day." It sounds like that may be tough for you to do now but I believe focusing on things that you may take for-granted, in other circumstances, can really help your mental well being. It can be a hug, spending time with a loved one, whether adult or child or both can really help. Watching a good movie or reading some poetry or a good book may help as well. Or watching a sunrise/sunset or enjoying a beautiful vista may also take your mind off cancer for a few minutes or, even, hours.

Cancer can cause depression and depression is an illness just like cancer is and I suggest your reach out to a medical professional who can suggest a good therapist to you and it should be someone who really understands how cancer can affect people.

Normally the major cancer centers will have resources that may be able to help you. From my experience it is not enough to see a therapist but try to see someone who really 'gets' what cancer is all about. If you can find someone in supportive care services that person may really help you. 

In my opinion, there is no 'easy' here but you owe it to yourself to try your best to get well, as best you can. 

Sending you a gentle hug and +++++++ vibrations.

Please know that TNBC Foundation is a wonderful, understanding, family and we are here for you.



I am a BRCA1+ grandson, son and father of women affected by breast/oc-my daughter inherited mutation from me, and at 36, was dx 2004 TNBC I am a volunteer patient advocate with SAGE Patient Advocates
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