Dear k8e,
Your post deeply touched my soul.
I agree with Cookie and would encourage you to take it one day at a time. It may not resonate with you at the moment but I always tell people that I am helping to
"try to find the beauty in each day." It sounds like that may be tough for you to do now but I believe focusing on things that you may take for-granted, in other circumstances, can really help your mental well being. It can be a hug, spending time with a loved one, whether adult or child or both can really help. Watching a good movie or reading some poetry or a good book may help as well. Or watching a sunrise/sunset or enjoying a beautiful vista may also take your mind off cancer for a few minutes or, even, hours.
Cancer can cause depression and depression is an illness just like cancer is and I suggest your reach out to a medical professional who can suggest a good therapist to you and it should be someone who really understands how cancer can affect people.
Normally the major cancer centers will have resources that may be able to help you. From my experience it is not enough to see a therapist but try to see someone who really 'gets' what cancer is all about. If you can find someone in supportive care services that person may really help you.
In my opinion, there is no 'easy' here but you owe it to yourself to try your best to get well, as best you can.
Sending you a gentle hug and +++++++ vibrations.
Please know that TNBC Foundation is a wonderful, understanding, family and we are here for you.
warmly,
Steve