Recurrence Anxiety |
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TamJ 
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Joined: Mar 28 2009 Location: ND Status: Offline Points: 21 |
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 Posted: Mar 29 2009 at 9:48am |
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Recurrence Anxiety
I'm a 6 year survivor and theres not a day that goes by I don't think of cancer its all around us for a reminder,but theres a reason we are all here still to talk about it.For the person that has just been diagnosed,they need our support.I have had sleep problems for 6 years and I'm on an antidepresant 6 yrs.I have good days and bad days physicaly and emotionaly.But I keep trudgeing on,and thank my god alot! Take care,Tammy
 I don't have spell check yet,forgive my miss spellings.
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TNBC
DX 1-24-03 IDC 1.8cm stage 2 gr 3 L Mastectomy 2-27-03 Chemo AC & Taxotere,Radiation, R Mastectomy Preventative 04 Reconstruction L&R |
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Shelley
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Joined: Feb 21 2009 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 79 |
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Posted: Mar 29 2009 at 2:46pm |
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Hi Ladies, I know exactly where you are coming from. I have been done with treatments for 6 months. I can't seem to quit fretting about when it is going to start again. When will they find what is lurking in there. It helps me so much to vent on this site and see that others are feeling the same. I too have a hard time with family, friends, and coworkers. They say "Oh you are doing so well!" They have no ideas of the stress and emotions that we go through. I read on this site to take one day at a time and then soon it will be two days at a time and then three.... Keep talking and sharing and making it through those days!
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Alyson
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Joined: Mar 26 2009 Location: Tennessee Status: Offline Points: 20 |
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Posted: Mar 29 2009 at 5:05pm |
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Hi Tammy!!
Congrats on 6 years cancer free and wishing you a lifetime of survival!! I guess the anxiety never leaves us. I was anxious about breast cancer for about 20 years before being diagnosed even though I have no family history. I guess it was just an instinct. My anxiety has just gone from when am I going to get breast cancer to is it going to come back - I am exhausted!!! We are all blessed in many ways and it is so good to have others in our shoes to discuss our issues with.
Thanks for sharing.
Alyson
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TamJ
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Joined: Mar 28 2009 Location: ND Status: Offline Points: 21 |
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Posted: Mar 29 2009 at 7:14pm |
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Thank you for the congrats,and same to you!
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TNBC
DX 1-24-03 IDC 1.8cm stage 2 gr 3 L Mastectomy 2-27-03 Chemo AC & Taxotere,Radiation, R Mastectomy Preventative 04 Reconstruction L&R |
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MicheleS
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Joined: Jan 21 2009 Status: Offline Points: 23 |
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Posted: Mar 30 2009 at 4:31am |
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I'm the same way... I'm paranoid. I'm still in the midst of chemo so a lot of it is depression related... I'm having a hard time seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.
It is nice to see so many survivors posting!!
Michele
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cduvall1
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Joined: Jun 04 2008 Location: Blythe, CA Status: Offline Points: 148 |
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Posted: Mar 30 2009 at 4:47am |
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Michele,
Your paranoia may just deminish after chemo is over. There are so many things both physical and emotional that go hand-in-hand with chemo. When I look back on it I am amazed at how much better I feel now. Again, as has been said many times, we all react differently.
You are so right about survivors posting. Yesterday I had lunch with a sister-in-law who is a 7 year survivor whose last recurrence was 5 years ago! She has such a wonderful attitude; I think some of her positiveness spread off on me 'cuz I'm feeling optimistic today.
We need to read what other survivors have to say. We need to know they are out there.
Carol
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Carol
dx 3/08 age 63, invasive metaplastic carcinoma, 2cm, node neg, grade 3, stage I, lumpectomy 5/08,AC 4x, Taxol 12x weekly, radiation 5wk, NED 4/29/09 |
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HairSprayMom
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Joined: Mar 20 2009 Location: Alabama Status: Offline Points: 137 |
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Posted: Mar 30 2009 at 5:00am |
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Hey Alyson and everyone,
Its good to know I am not the only Junkie HAHA out here. I also have really bad stress headaches...bordering on Migrains as they build up all week. I take a 4mg Zanaflex (muscle relaxer) and they usually clear up the headaches without much side effects. Sometimes they make me a little drowsy, but they work. Sending love! Regina |
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39 yr old. DX Metaplastic Carcenoma/Triple Negative IIIb 9-26-07, bilat mod rad MX 10-1-07, 2.7cm in Chest Wall. Dense dose Chemo 11/07-03/08 AC/Tax. NED 4-09 YEA! Deconstructed 12-13-10 & Happy!
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jody
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Joined: Nov 04 2008 Location: La Verne, California Status: Offline Points: 105 |
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Posted: Mar 30 2009 at 6:44am |
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Hi Girls,
Boy can I relate to the conversation going on here. I completely finished my treatments on 12/31/08...and know I feel like I am just waiting to hear about a reoccurance. Every time I have even a little twinge of pain in my head I am certain it's a tumor. Never mind that I have had sinus pressure and pain for years, tension headaches etc...no, NOW in my mind it's a reoccurance. I am only 3 months out from treatments so I am hoping as time passesI will not be so nurotic about it!
My family although supportive, feel that this is something we can put in the past. I doubt I will EVER be able to put it in the past. They don't seem to understand that I will be living with the "C" word for the rest of my life.
XANAX is my friend!!!!!
Thanks for listening, Jody
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diagnosed 4/16/08 stage 1, node neg TN grade 3,lumpectomy 4/30/08 chemo a/c 6 rnds, finished 9/08. Radiation begins 11/6/08 La Verne, California
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Alyson
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Joined: Mar 26 2009 Location: Tennessee Status: Offline Points: 20 |
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Posted: Mar 30 2009 at 7:38am |
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Hi Jody!
I really don't think our cancer will ever be in our past. My family is the same way-so glad the cancer incident is over. They do not understand our fear. I know I feel my assurance of a future has been stripped from me. No one is guaranteed a tomorrow, but everyone takes it for granted...until you have cancer. I have young children and when I hear other moms talk about when their child gets married, goes to college, etc. I am so sad inside because I don't take it for granted that I will be here to see such things and to those moms it is just frivilous chit chat. But on a happy note... we do cherish everyday. Where is my Xanax!!??
I have been done with treatment almost a year, but I still panic but it is getting a little better and life is somewhat normal (but what is normal??). When I was going through treatment I felt very secure and "watched." I had a hard time when treatment ended-I felt I was teetering on the edge all alone. You will feel better and do things that make you happy-that seems to help me.
Hugs!
Alyson
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Dx01/30/08 Age 42 Stage1,grade 3
.9cm tumor, bilat masect. 4xAC, 4xTaxol,Recon.09/08 |
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Dotti
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Joined: Aug 27 2008 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 34 |
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Posted: Mar 30 2009 at 4:05pm |
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Hello Girls, I think recurrence is something we all fear. Dx in Jan 07' just had my 2 yr chk up they saw something on my kidney and all the emotions come right back. The thought of doing chemo is over whelming. Thank God it was not cancer. Every pain makes you thnk could it be. Days that I feel great I do not thnk about it at all. Effexor has worked great for anxiety & hot flashes.
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age 41 dx 1/07 stage 3 in chest wall & lymp nodes chemo 6 mts red devil,taxol, rad 6 wks
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buckeye
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Joined: Feb 23 2009 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 14 |
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Posted: Mar 31 2009 at 10:08am |
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HAIRSPRAYMOM- My doctor just put me on Effexor and ativan but it was kind of funny because at the pharmacy the pharmacist asked about the difference between the generic form of effexor not working as well as the name brand effexor - I explained that I wouldn't know the difference since I was just getting the perscription filled for the first time. Do you get the real effexor or the generic, I would have never questioned this if he hadn't said anything. Hey thanks for another worry in my world. And is xanax the same as ativan. The funny thing is I have never been one for pills but if I don't take an ativan before testing - mri's etc I can not breath and I have a panic attack which is strange because I have never been like that- so many changes
Edited by buckeye - Mar 31 2009 at 10:10am |
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dx 11/05 IIC GRADE 3
4 CM mastectomy 11/05 additonal surgery 11/05 no node involvement 4 rounds ACT |
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HairSprayMom
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Joined: Mar 20 2009 Location: Alabama Status: Offline Points: 137 |
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Posted: Mar 31 2009 at 11:51am |
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Hi Buckeye,
I asked about the generic Effexor as well. I was told that the generic available is not time released like the real Effexor. That is the main difference and why I was not prescribed it. Unfortunately the real Effexor is 60$ v/s 15$ a month for me. And yes Ativan and Xanax are about the same. I have taken both, but Xanax seem to work better for me than the Ativan did. I never took any pills before cancer either. I refused everything but pain meds and Xanax during treatment, what a dummy I was. I think it would have helped me a lot to give in during treatment, but I must say I have no quams about taking them now. The Effexor is working for me, I only had 2 hot flashes while I was sleeping last night, down from about 7-10 per night! YEA! and I still take the Xanax in the evening if I am gritting my teeth all day...like today. I have my 1st 18 month Pet Scan tomorrow and I am jittery to say the least. Just praying I don't light up like a Christmas Tree when they run me through. Well hope this helps!! Sending Love and Cool Breezes, Regina AKA HairSprayMom |
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39 yr old. DX Metaplastic Carcenoma/Triple Negative IIIb 9-26-07, bilat mod rad MX 10-1-07, 2.7cm in Chest Wall. Dense dose Chemo 11/07-03/08 AC/Tax. NED 4-09 YEA! Deconstructed 12-13-10 & Happy!
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Alyson
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Joined: Mar 26 2009 Location: Tennessee Status: Offline Points: 20 |
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Posted: Mar 31 2009 at 12:26pm |
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Regina-
Please let us know how the scan goes-we all know your anxiety!!! Our prayers and thoughts are with you.
 Alyson ( a former Hairspray Mom-before chemo!!!)
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Dx01/30/08 Age 42 Stage1,grade 3
.9cm tumor, bilat masect. 4xAC, 4xTaxol,Recon.09/08 |
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trip2
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Joined: Jun 03 2007 Location: Under Palm Tree Status: Offline Points: 8549 |
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Posted: Mar 31 2009 at 2:12pm |
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Regina,
I am so happy to hear the pills are helping with the night sweats!
Best of luck coming your way for that scan tomorrow.
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Stage 2 2003
Stage 1 2007 BRCA 1+ |
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kmartin
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Joined: May 02 2008 Location: Central Maryland Status: Offline Points: 126 |
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Posted: Mar 31 2009 at 5:32pm |
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I was diagnosed last Feb. 08...and I am finding it difficult and stressful to be hitting all the one year anniversaries. Maybe that is compounding your stress??
This Friday will be one year from my first round of chemo...and so many memories are filling my mind. How do you celebrate these anniversaries?
Sometimes I want to cry for the difficult, painful, horrible experiences we all had during treatment...but mostly, I am thankful for having wonderful doctors...now I have about 6! and good treatments for our disease...and loving family and friends.
I say focus on the good things each day! Life is short, too short to spend all your time worrying.
And yes, I too am an Ativan user...in the evenings and at bedtime. Gotta sleep
Kathy Edited by kmartin - Mar 31 2009 at 5:33pm |
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Round 1 - 2/8/08
IDC, Stage 2, Grade 3, TN (R) Lumpectomy, ax nd 3/11/08, 4/33 positive TAC x 4, AC x 1; RT x 33 genetic tests - |
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buckeye
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Joined: Feb 23 2009 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 14 |
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Posted: Apr 01 2009 at 2:26am |
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Regina - good luck today we all know how these tests add so much stress yet can be so much of a relief afterwards if all is well. Thanks for the information on the pills. Who knew you can go right to menopause after chemo. I think I was tuned out during that conversation :) take care
today we will be praying for you
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dx 11/05 IIC GRADE 3
4 CM mastectomy 11/05 additonal surgery 11/05 no node involvement 4 rounds ACT |
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HairSprayMom
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Joined: Mar 20 2009 Location: Alabama Status: Offline Points: 137 |
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Posted: Apr 01 2009 at 3:54am |
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Morning Girls,
I skipped out on work today, just too much going on in my head to concentrate. My Mom is going with me for my scan. My Scan app time is 8:50 and then I go back at 2:00 to see the doc. She is gonna drive so I can take a Xanax, just on the verge of panic and I don't think my teeth can take much more of this grinding. I'm sure thing will be fine, but either way I AIN'T GOIN DOWN WITHOUT A FIGHT! Sorry, had to throw a little southern feeling into it! HAHA I'll post as soon as I get back to a comp after all my appointments. THANKS for letting me vent and all of the good thoughts and prayers.
Regina
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39 yr old. DX Metaplastic Carcenoma/Triple Negative IIIb 9-26-07, bilat mod rad MX 10-1-07, 2.7cm in Chest Wall. Dense dose Chemo 11/07-03/08 AC/Tax. NED 4-09 YEA! Deconstructed 12-13-10 & Happy!
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MicheleS
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Posted: Apr 01 2009 at 4:29am |
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prayers, Regina. I'll be thinking of you today. Pls post an update when you can.
Michele
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outnumbered
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Joined: Feb 02 2009 Location: New Jersey Status: Offline Points: 525 |
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Posted: Apr 01 2009 at 4:34am |
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Regina, I hope it goes well. Keeping my fingers crossed!!!!
I have been lurking waiting to post on this topic. My anxiety is based on the fact that I feel I have not had enough treatment. I do not want to go off on anither tangent about getting another opinion. That is NOT an option. I have exhaused that avenue and there is no one else to see. I have been to the top. Where I am now is that I have to accept this and keep moving forward. I KNOW in my gut this is not over, but unfortunately I have to wait it out. The good news was that I caught it early, the bad news was I caught it early.
I have to vent this out...If one more person tells me to be positive, I am going to go postal. Maybe stress causes this, but who does not have stress in their lives? And not everyone gets this crappy disease. So if I am not positive enough, and I have a recurrance, are they saying its MY fault?!
 Is it my fault that I inherited this gene? Is it my fault that I do not live a stress free exhistance lounging in a spa all day every day? I know its all in how you look at things, but you know what, I do the best I can with what G-d has given me and I will not accept blame for this!!! It JUST HAPPENED!!!! And now I feel like my innocence is gone. I will never be the same. I can talk here and I can talk with a good friend who has this (she also has tamoxifen, lucky her) and thats it. Family tries but just wants to move on. My friend and I are looking into finding a support group for living wth or living beyond cancer. Thanks for letting me blow off steam! Edited by outnumbered - Apr 01 2009 at 4:39am |
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~Sara
DX @ age 40 6/24/08 Stage 1 Grade 3 BRCA1+ 187delAG BMX (nipple-areola-sparing) 8/5/08 Redo BMX (remove nipple and areola) w/ Lat Flap 7/6/09 BSO 9/3/09 NED since 08/05/2008 |
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Alyson
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Joined: Mar 26 2009 Location: Tennessee Status: Offline Points: 20 |
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Posted: Apr 01 2009 at 7:02am |
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Hello Outnumbered!
I feel your stress. Trying to stay positive is almost impossible-I notice only people without cancer tell me about the power of positive thinking. I have always been a stressed out person-even on good days. I worry all my stress caused my cells to go haywire. I feel my only defense now is to eat low fat healthy food (although last nite I tore through a box of Cocoa Puffs, but low fat!) and try to get some exercise- I know...blah, blah , blah!! Hot baths and a ton of sleep sometimes help and pharmaceuticals!
My innocence and a guarantee of a long future have been taken away by breast cancer and I mourn the loss of it (I am now 43). Our families just don't get it and I feel it pulls me away from them- I have lost my emotional connection with my family. However my husband and kids (5 and 10) "get me" and really lift my spirits.
I know several women who were diagnosed with breast cancer 20-30 years ago and they are surviving, but they are still fearful and talk of their cancer days as if it was yesterday. It will never leave us.
Keep venting-it helps!!
Alyson
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Dx01/30/08 Age 42 Stage1,grade 3
.9cm tumor, bilat masect. 4xAC, 4xTaxol,Recon.09/08 |
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