My name is Becky, age 52, caucasian. Early October, I found my lump and had pain in my pit on my right side. I'm an obsessive breast checker since my family is full of breast cancer and other types with recurrances. I check every week. One week it wasn't there and the next it was. At first I thought it was a result of being elbowed during a busy night at work. Which was of particular interest when I mentioned it. I'm in food service. So, I watched it and when it didn't go away in a few days, I panicked. My first thoughts was I didn't want to miss out on my grandkids, I didn't want them to know me through selective memories or pictures. And I didn't want to lose my hair - why that frightened me I don't know. I'm the least vain person I know. The next thought was, how do I tell my husband. I didn't want to disrupt his hunting season nor put a damper on the holidays.

 

I had an appointment with my primary already scheduled a week later so I was going to wait. I couldn't. I knew he'd yell at me. So, I made the call to my GYN office. The only person available to see me was a nurse midwife - I had my doubts and left the office with doubts. She was in the room all of three minutes. She told me it was a cyst, but she'd have a mammogram scheduled to make sure. As she left the room she added that she'd order a sonogram just in case they wanted to do one. The next afternoon, I had the mammogram date and time. It was then I told my husband. He's been absolutely wonderful and has been with me at every single appointment.

 

I had to reschedule my appointment with my primary in order to make the mammogram appointment. I knew when the doctor ordered a view of the lump and my arm pit from the side after the initial pictures there was something to worry about. They did the sonogram immediately after and I saw it on the doctors face and the way he stood and looked at me. All he would say though was that he didn't like the look of the lymph node. He ordered the biospies which was a week later.

 

A different doctor did the biopsies and she had the same look on her face and said the same thing like it was a standard script. I'd been scheduled to get the results by phone and she had a fit, insisting I must come in for the results. It was confirmed the next day, October 25 - I had breast cancer. I swear my head spun around and did a double take. Why I don't know. I knew I had cancer. I guess having it confirmed. She'd already told my husband, I realized later. He didn't reach out and touch me, he waited for me to turn to him. Our conversation before we were told made more sense suddenly.

 

I remember staring at the doctor while she talked. I don't recall much of what she said. I didn't cry until she stood to leave the room, leaving a nurse to give me the low down and tissues. A packet of information I didn't want. She went through it and all I remember thinking is 'I don't need that stuff'.

 

I was then scheduled to come back and meet with the surgeon and other staff that would be involved in my care. We were left alone to talk. All I kept thinking was, how was I going to tell our four sons.  the three older ones had just gotten married. Their bliss was going to be disrupted. It wasn't fair. However, they took it much better than I expected. My youngest is 18 and he walked around for a week saying, "Mom, you're going to be fine, JUST FINE." Three of them plan on shaving their heads when I lose mine. I told them they can do artwork on my head, because I refuse to wear a wig or anything else to hide it.

 

I was diagnosed with Triple Negative Infiltrating Ductal Carcinoma Stage 2. My breast tumor was 2.5cm and my lymph node tumor was 3.9cm.

 

My primary was stunned at the news. I'd had my annual mammogram in March and they checked out clogged milk ducts in the left breast at that time, but nothing showed for the right breast. He put me on ativan. I'd had a bad anxiety attack earlier in the year which landed me in the hospital to make sure I didn't have a heart attack. He later added paxil to the mix and wants me to ween off the ativan which I've been doing. That's been hard. Every time I read up on TNBC or chemo I want to run for the bottle, but I haven't this week. He told me to take Tylenol PM, because I couldn't sleep more than fifteen twenty minutes at a time then I'd toss and turn, sleep another fifteen twenty minutes until I got tired of it and got up. It's helped me sleep two hours at a time and occasionally three.

 

By the time we met with the surgeon our initial decision to have a bilateral masectomy was set in stone. The surgeon, however, wanted to do breast conservation. I was stunned. With my family history and being TN, why would she want to go that route? We stuck to our guns and on November 25 I had a bilateral masectomy and came home with three drains, I jokingly call utters - one on the left and two on the right. There was no real pain after surgery. That came days later when feeling started to return. The hospital staff was puzzled by my lack of need for pain medication and that I was up and walking without help the next morning. That's me. I've been able to do for myself here at home. It would have drove me crazy to follow what they wanted. They wanted me to never be alone, to have someone help me to the bathroom, to bring me drink, food, and meds while I lay on the couch. I can't have someone around all the time, makes me worse than irritable. I need my solitude and privacy.

 

I went in for my post op yesterday. She removed the drain that was ready to be removed on the right and removed the left because it was infected and not working properly. I return to have my chest drained next Tuesday. I still have one drain that is showing no signs of being ready to remove anytime soon.

 

During this visit she told me I was Stage 3 which contradicted what her assistant told me last week when she called with the pathology results. On my way out, I was given a copy of my pathology report. It described my breast tumor as "exhibiting marked variation in size and shape, occasionally with very large and bizarre forms". I was amused by the description, but knew it to be true. I'd felt all that in the lump. It also says I'm pT2 and pN1 which according to the chart is Stage 2b, so I don't know why she told me I'm Stage 3. The report does say it was spreading to surrounding tissue even though the margins were clean. Eight nodes were removed and only the one was positive.

 

After surgery, my surgeon told my husband that she was able to save one nerve, but not another which she had warned us of. However, the day after surgery she was stunned to find I had feeling in the back of my upper arm. She says I shouldn't from the loss of the nerve. I have no place where I have no feeling.

 

I'm scheduled to meet with the oncologist on the 22nd to discuss and set up chemo. At least I don't have to start it right before Christmas like I feared.

 

We really do have a great attitude about it all. I do have moments where I read up and find the information overwhelming or read forums and chats where there is so much unfavorable news that I panic and get depressed. I have to back away and digest and regroup. It's normal I know, but it's kind of scary to know we can't breathe easy for several more years.

 

I still don't sleep well and doubt I will for the next five years.

 

My husband is so positive that once chemo is over that will be the end of it. I keep reminding him of the facts of TNBC, because I don't want him to be floored if we're faced with another round next year and so on. No one wants to think about it, but it's our reality.

 

How can such a short time seem like a lifetime? And this doesn't touch on the work side of my life and how it's affected that.

 

Hugs,

 

Becky

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What I know is that breast cancer can add stress to a marriage, or any type of cancer for that matter.  I took a course called, "Helping Her Heal" and it taught me to listen, and not throw in my two cents, what my wife had to say was what mattered, and it helped us through the cancer journey.

There are a lot of great people here, you will find people here that makes the journey more bearable, for myself, this site offers me a chance to get questions answered, to talk about caregiving, and to meet others like you that are fighting Triple Negative Breast Cancer.

We are over three years since chemotherapy and radiation.  Some of Becky's feelings are returning very slowly as "tingling" sensations.  So, my prayers are with you, and welcome to this site.

We are now fighting a benign brain tumor that was recently discovered last week and now have surgery scheduled for early January.  I am ready to be a caregiver again, and if you have not had it, I would suggest a psychologist to help with the emotions.  We did it when we fought breast cancer, and my wife had two psychologists to talk to and the sessions helped me too.  We are starting that again with the brain tumor.  

I have not been on for a long time because the doctor said I would read some posts and I would get even more scared then I already was, so for my mental health I stayed away.  Now, I am back posting again and making new friends.

Good luck to you, and your family,

Dave and Becky (Seattle)

I'm sorry you have to join us (breast cancer that is), but you'll find so much support from everyone here on this forum.  This is a journey none of us wish to travel.  It does seem surreal doesn't it?  

When you visit your onc, there are a couple of questions you might want to ask:

1.  BRCA testing.  You said there is a history of breast cancer in your family.

2.  Vitamin D levels tested.  Most of us diagnosed with TNBC have extremely low levels of Vitamin D.  There's a link between low levels and cancer.  You want to take Vitamin D3 (over the counter) , not D2 (prescribed).  There's a thread on this forum discussing Vitamin D.

3.  Ask if there are any clinical trials that would be a good fit for you.

4.  Here's a study from another thread that might be of interest to you and your onc.

http://forum.tnbcfoundation.org/attention-newbies-important-new-chemo-study_topic7771_page1.html - http://forum.tnbcfoundation.org/attention-newbies-important-new-chemo-study_topic7771_page1.html

Second opinions are also a very good idea.  If nothing else, they help confirm a treatment plan.  You might want to make an appointment now so that you can have all your information close to the same time and decide on a treatment plan.

Wishing you the best.  Please keep us posted on how you're doing.

Donna

 

Welcome, and we're sorry you have a reason to join our group. 

 

Always feel free to post your questions, feelings, fears, etc. here.  I know that this TNBC Forum has acted like my very own "support group" over the past five years. 

 

I understand the sleepless nights.  When I was first diagnosed in 2006, I would wake up and not be able to get back to sleep.  I would just get up and read or watch tv - there really is nothing on at 3 a.m.!  It's ok to do that.  You have a lot going through your head that you need to sort out.  The worst day was the day that I heard the words "you have cancer" - each day after that gets easier, although it's not a fast process.  Once you have a plan, and subsequently start chemo, the days will start falling into place.  Yes, you may need a mild sedative to help you sleep, and that's ok. 

 

You will make it through this.  One day at a time, one step at a time. 

 

One book that I would recommend is "The Breast Cancer Husband" by Marc Silver.  I checked it out at the library.  Men want to "fix" things, and this is something they can't do.  Both my husband and I read it, and it gives a lot of good insight into how you both think and deal with cancer. 

 

We're all here for you - we've been through it and know what you are going through.

 

Ann

 

I had the genetic testing and it was negative as was my cousin who is going through it along with me, only she's not TN. She was diagnosed two weeks before me and had the same surgery three days after mine. She's twelve years younger than I am.

 

 

Thanks for the questions to ask. I've added them to my list and I'll definitely check out the link and thread on Vitamin D.

 

I'm so bored sitting at home that I'm trying to soak up all the information I can.

 

Becky

 

 

As has been said, welcome to the website but sorry you need to be here.  I have been on this journey for a little over a year.  I really relate to what you said about reading some thing and then needing to regroup.  The is just about the only board I go to and read regularly.  The information is good and given in a loving manner without being sugar coated.  The people here are great and super supportive.  Again welcome to our group.

Nita

 

They've assigned us a psychologist, but honestly, I'm uncomfortable talking with her. My husband is a computer hardware technician who works for a vendor. He's stationed at OSF and is constantly at the Breast Cancer Treatment center and thereabouts fixing computer issues. He works on the psychologists equipment and they have a good repoire as he does with everyone - not the strictly business kind, but the kind where he can stand around and talk and joke with them. They all constantly talk with him about me and have since I first set up the diagnostic mammogram. I don't mind that, they have permssion to do so. They give him a lot of advice on how to handle me and what to do and not to do. However, talking with her just makes me feel like airing personal stuff to her is a violation of their relationship. Not that I have anything negative to say about my husband, but it's just inserting my personal life into his business life could change matters.

 

My husband is amazing and always has been. We've always had this unspoken rule which we've passed onto our married sons. It doesn't matter what goes on that stresses life for you, don't let it affect your relationship. We've been through a lot in our 34 1/2 years together, but this is the biggest. His biggest concern about me right now is being home and unable to work - it drives me crazy and depresses me. My primary doctor foresaw that and put me on paxil.

 

My biggest worry when I suspected cancer was that I didn't want it to change the lives of people around me. I didn't want them hovering, didn't want them changing plans they have, and most of all didn't want pity. I haven't pitied myself and would probably blow up at others if they doled it out. I've never been angry about having cancer. Probably because I've been prepared to have it at some point. It's a given in my family.

 

My oldest son and his new wife had planned on moving to Florida this month - they've put if off indefinitely because of me. He's calling and over here every single day to check up on me. Hovering. One of my sister-in-laws checks in with me every few days -- normally we only talk or see each other every few months - she has an extremely busy schedule. She's a tattoo artist and yes, she'll be making my chest beautiful and sexy with whatever my husband decides he wants on it. She does a lot of masectomy artwork. My husband canceled most of his hunting trips and I never wanted that. He lives for hunting season.

 

It may sound crazy, but I prefer going about life as usual and not let this dictate.

 

Becky

 

 

 

 

I am going to survive this. I have too much life left to live and enjoy.

 

Becky

My work - I'm in food service and currently work at Pizza Hut - one with a dining room until next Spring. Will they want me where customers can see me - no hair, no eyebrows, no eyelashes, possibly no fingernails, and gray - looking like death warmed over. I've already lost more then twenty pounds since this ordeal began and have a raccoon look.

 

I know at first, I was told I could still work during chemo for short periods of time, but after reading I'm not so sure. It sounds like I'd only be able to work two or three days a week right before I go in for a treatment. I've been training for management. I feel like now, I can't give it my best and should tell them I can't take the position. Only problem is - the week before I left we acquired a new general management and he's a lazy jerk - we've lost a shift manager and the assistant manager in the last two weeks - leaving only the GM as the only management team.

 

Staff was hounding me with text messages Tuesday - get back here, we need you -- it's really bad -- it went on and on and I finally told them I couldn't help right now, but to contact the owner and have a meeting with him.

 

I love my work - I've been in the business since I was eighteen. I know I'll only be able to answer phones and a few other small jobs for a whileb. I won't be able to make the pizza's or cut them, much less handle the dining room which is my true love or prep - not until I get full use of my arms again. I know he doesn't get it although he says he does. Heck, when he first came, he pulled me outside and told me he knew I was taking time off and didn't know for what and didn't want to know, but he wanted me back in six weeks and up to forty hours soon after. I told him my doctor says eight weeks and with limited hours for long time due to chemo. He said, well, my dad went through chemo and it wasn't that bad, we'll keep popsicles in the freezer for you.

 

The manager did let my mother-in-law place a donation can on the counter, but he also told her I needed to come in every two weeks and clock in to keep me active in the system or I was going to be automatically terminated. That upset her. Jerk. I won't be automatically terminated unless there is no activity for six weeks and he has my login information where he can handle it so I don't lose my senority or vacation time.  

 

I told my husband about the texts and what was said to his mom last night and he said I'm not to go near the place until my doctor says so. I'm not making any decisions until we talk with the oncologist, but I'm just messed up over it.

 

I also read about the mediterian (sp?) diet -- not a big deal, we mostly eat that way anyway. This morning I had my green tea with purple acai and blueberry without sugar and it was pretty good - most flavored teas need a sweetner and I can't do honey.

 

 

Best wishes,

 

Becky

 

 

 

Just some thoughts about working -

 

No one can predict how chemo will affect you.  Some of us sail right through with little side effects, while others (like me) feel like you've been hit by a truck with the feeling of an unsettled stomach, aches, and no energy for 4-5 days after chemo.  I found that I usually rebounded slowly the second week and felt better just in time to do it all again with another round of chemo (I did mine every two weeks).

 

Also, do you qualify to take FMLA?  You should contact your HR department.  Although you would not be paid for the time that you take off, it is a federal law that guarantees that you can take time off, either all at once, or a few days at a time, without fear of being terminated or any kind of punishment from your employer.   If you feel your immediate supervisor is being unfair, and possibly harrassing you, please contact your HR representative so they can help you.

 

Ann

sorry to hear about your breast cancer. It sucks. No other way to phrase it.

Try not to worry about the chemo. I have had one session and it was fine. I know everyone is different, but I've had no side effects. Maybe a little tiredness - but who isn't tired when you have a 2yo, 5yo and 7yo to look after? Remember most of the side effects are manageable. Tell your oncologist and I'm sure she/he will prescribe whatever meds they can to help you through it. 

What I have found that works for me is continuing to exercise, keeping up a healthy diet and plenty of water. Pretty much what I was doing before cancer! It really is do-able. 

Don't read any more stuff on the internet. Ask the good folks here or ask your doctors. I'm staying well away from Dr Google now. 

What chemo has your oncologist suggested? I'm doing FEC 100 then docetaxel. 

Good sign that you recovered so well from surgery. I was the same... no pain, no infection, no swelling, no loss of movement... no nothing! Maybe you'll breeze through the chemo too :-)

People thought I was crazy when I packed my drain into a back pack and went walking with 2 dogs and a pram. But I had to. Being active is good medicine for me. Do what is right for you.

Best,

Sandra

 

I do qualify to take a leave a of absence, but they didn't want to do it in case I felt up to coming in to answer phones and I was ok with that. If I was on leave, I wouldn't be able to clock in and out. Now, I don't know. My former GM and his boss were awesome, told me to take all the time I needed and they'd work around everything. This new GM not so much.

 

I'm going to wait until we talk to the oncologist and see what kind of treatment plan she wants to do and what she thinks about it all.

 

It helped to talk with my husband about it all and I'll talk with my primary Monday when I see him.  I have too much time on my hands, it messes with my head - which we knew was going to happen. I don't know, maybe I should stay on the ativan a while longer.

 

I feel messed up.

 

Becky

 

 

 

 

 

I think the Ativan will help until you get all this sorted out.  You are under enough stress right now and don't need any additional.  Take care of yourself.

Donna

 

Here's the link to the governments' FMLA website. 

 

http://www.dol.gov/dol/topic/benefits-leave/fmla.htm - http://www.dol.gov/dol/topic/benefits-leave/fmla.htm

 

We have an employee who is taking care of her elderly father, and since May of this year, takes 1 week off under FMLA, comes back to work, takes more FMLA time, comes back, etc.  So, I know it doesn't have to be time off all at once - you should be able to take a week off for chemo/recovery, and go back and work a week, etc.  You have 12 weeks a year that you can take if you qualify.

 

Again, contact your HR department as they are the experts.  There are forms that have to be filled out by your doctor and approval is needed by your HR department.  Communication is always good with your HR department to help work through this. 

 

On a note, my husband applied for FMLA when I was going through chemo.  He actually took 3 days off during each of my surgeries and chemo cycles.  He applied for it, and it was always in his "back pocket" if his immediate boss ever "complained" or tried to make his life miserable.  He had enough vacation time/sick time that he used to help me out, but had the FMLA approval just in case he needed it.

 

Ann

 

You did even better than I did. Drain one got infected and wasn't working right so it was removed. I have swelling from the fluid buildup which will get drained Tuesday. It got worse yesterday, building up on my left side so much that it looks like a big pocket of fat. On my right side, I had three lumps protruding out from between ribs and they went away. Now I have one that appeared Thursday. The center of it is hard and unmoveable unlike what the others were. I have to believe it's related to either drain three being removed since the tube went that way or from the breast incision since it's not far from the end of it. I have a burning sensation on both sides that go from the side around into my back. I gritted my teeth and let my husband massage lotion into it last night and it helped. My skin has become so dry which is actually normal for me when cold weather hits.

 

My last drain is ready to come out today, but it's Saturday. Drain one did the same thing last weekend. It was ready to come out on Saturday, but then I woke up on Sunday to pure blood coming out and had 75cc's for the day and an infection to the drain incision site. I went in on Monday and three people looked at it and said the change back to blood was no big deal and they didn't know if it was infected or a suture irritation. I had to wait to see my surgeon the following day to find out for sure and she seemed irritated that I had come in the day before instead of just waiting for her, but also perturbed that her staff couldn't recognize an infection when they saw one. My fingers are crossed the same doesn't happen to this one. I'll wait until I see the surgeon on Tuesday regardless.

 

This week, the only information I've been reading is on this forum. Not all of it has been comforting. Reading about what others have gone through and the information made available to us causes so much stress and anxiety that I'm wondering if maybe I shouldn't stay on the ativan.

 

I think a part of me is still in denial - a big part. I didn't realize that until yesterday when I received a packet of paperwork to fill out for the Cancer Center I'm being switched over to from the surgeon's office. Every time I'm given a packet to fill out, I get angry about it. Not only because they have access to the information in their system and I often take the paperwork in and they tell me they don't need it because they've already printed it out, but because I think I'm really not ready to accept I'm going through this. Maybe that's why I've been handling it all so well.

 

Thursday, I received a call telling me it will be a couple of weeks before I get a call scheduling me to go in to have my arm meausred for the sleeve due to a long waiting list. Yesterday, I get a call back from them scheduling me for next Wednesday and they would have it done it Monday, but they saw I already have an appointment that morning via access to my file in the system. They are on floor 4 of the same building where my primary is on floor 1 and the cancer treatment center on floor 2 which was where I started before being handed over to the surgeon. Now I'm being handed over to the Cancer Care Center in the next building. I love the set up. My husband's desk is two buildings away from the care center. He's in and out of all of them daily. His relationship with the people he fixes computers for is responsible for the quickness I'm being seen, I'm sure. Even my surgery date was moved up from Dec. 14 two days after it was scheduled. I feel very fortunate. I know none of them can help with the chemo though.

 

I can't help but worry about the chemo and how it's going to effect everyone around me. I've seen too many go through it and even though I know everyone reacts different and has different treatments, all of these people were sick and unable to function for days after. People wanted to avoid them and not even take them for treatments. I jumped in and took turns taking my husband's uncle for his so his mom didn't have to do it all the time. He was a crabby back seat driver, too.  I've asked for information on transportation so I don't have to put people through it all the time.

 

My youngest married son and is wife live with us. She was telling me this morning how scared she is for me. She remembers when a friend of my youngest son went through chemo. It was very agressive and he looked like death. He had a rare form of bone cancer and died just over a year after being diagnosed. This was eight years ago earlier this week. I'll never forget rushing home when I got the news of his death. My son was waiting for me at my desk. The first words out of his mouth were, 'why can't God make him alive again?' And right now, he has another friend going through chemo for stomach cancer. And now he has his mom about to go through it.

 

Two years ago when I was so sick all the time from a severe hormonal imbalance, he worried every day that I was dying. Of course, we didn't know what it was at the time. It was months before I could get into a doctor. My son and I both were booted from our primary doctor's office because we weren't sick enough to be kept on. And so I had to wait for someone to start taking on new patients again. And after I found one - a GYN came open first, I still had to wait two months for the appointment - I don't like her or her staff. And then the OSF call center hooked me up with my new primary whom I love. So, I'm really glad now that I'm at place where they're all connected on the same system and where my husband has connections in every department.

 

I do plan on getting back to excercising, it does make you feel better. My surgeon still has me on restriction from that and driving. I love to bike ride and hike. We do nature walks and have an Eagles nest we watch.

 

Today, my youngest is spending the day with me and we're watching Christmas movies - we're movie pals and we watch Pretty Little Liars and The Walking Dead together. Before I had surgery, I took him out of school for a mom/son day and we went to see Breaking Dawn. I usually take him out for a day each quarter for mom/son day. Later, my husband said he might let me go grocery shopping with him. I need to get out of the house. He's hunting this morning. My son and his wife went to one of her family functions. It's a good day for us to spend together.

 

All the best,

Becky

 

I'm going to have to play it by ear.

 

Becky

it sounds like you're really struggling emotionally/psychologically. Can you book in to see a counsellor or a psychologist? I have a psych I see every week and I think it helps. Like Judy said, the way you are feeling is normal. I know that doesn't make it any easier, but it WILL get better. I had a terrible time when I was first diagnosed, I was convinced I should start planning my funeral. But as the treatment plan fell into place the anxiety eased up. And to be honest, sure, this cancer may well take my life, but I can't obsess on that thought right now. I could also be hit by the proverbial bus next week, or be involved in some freak accident, but I don't live in fear of that. I have to get on and live my life as best I can each and every day. And in some ways the BC has helped me do that. I am sure pre BC I was in a sort of automatic pilot mode - not really appreciating my family, or my life even, for all that it/they are worth. I guess I really did take it/them for granted, to some extent. Now I can't or don't. Don't get me wrong, I don't want this BC, wish it never happened - to any of us! But it did force me to reassess my life and thoughts. I don't want to sound like I am telling you how you should feel, but I just wanted to share how I am coping with it. We all have different coping mechanisms in place and that is mine. 

I know others may disagree with me, but I think all breast cancer, all cancer for that matter, is unpredictable and scary, not just tri neg. It is a disease that none us have control over and that is what we fear. That lack of control. We're so used to believing we have control over everything in our lives and all of a sudden we don't. Don't believe tri neg is any worse that other forms of breast cancer, they all suck. And sure, we may not have the fluffy pink version of BC, but even those women who do have it can be struck down with a recurrence or spread. I am sure you will find there are women out there with the 'good' sub type, no nodes, small tumor etc., who find themselves facing a spread of the disease. The good thing for us, is because we have tri neg, your doctors will attack it with all guns blazing. It may be tough going, physically, but it is comforting to know that. I have a cousin who had BC 3 years ago at the age of 37. The doctors decided that because it was in situ she only needed a lumpectomy and rads. No chemo for her. I am relieved I am getting the works, even if it does knock me around.

I know you have seen some bad side effects from chemo in others, but it doesn't mean it will happen to you. Do what you need to do, take what you need to take to get through. I am sure once you talk with your oncologist and discuss all the different side effects your anxiety will ease. Like Judy said, they're probabilities, not certainties. There are plenty of meds to take to help ease the discomfort - take them all!

Sorry to hear you've had so many troubles with the drain. I hope it clears up soon. Are the antibiotics working? 

The hikes sound great. And I'm more than a little envious you get to watch an eagles nest. But now I'm going to try and make you envious by saying I live close to a beautiful beach and will be enjoying some lazy summer beach days with the family over the summer break (I'm in Australia). 

Let us know how you're going. 

Best to you,

Sandra

 

Thanks for sharing positive thoughts. I'll try and hang onto them.

 

I did get out to grocery shop with my husband, but I was miserable by the time we finished. More than a half hour of walking around and my chest gets really sore, but I don't complain. He sees it on my face though. When we got out to the truck, he kissed me and said I was a trooper in trying to build up my stamina. 

 

All the best,

 

Becky

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Planning a funeral - before I went to the hospital I sat down and wrote up all this information my husband needed to know about and at the end of it, wrote up my obituary so all he had to do was insert the memorial information. 

 

Yes, the antibiodic helped. I still get a lot of pain all around and it starts in the evening and gets worse during the night. I'm out of pain medication and Tylenol doesn't do much for it. I'm only sleeping two or three hours a night most nights.

 

I just returned from seeing my primary. We discussed the details given to him and how I was doing with it all. He told me to go ahead and take the antivan as much as I need it, but if I find I need it on a regular basis to call him and he'll up the Paxil since the Paxil isn't addictive and the ativan is. I go back to him in three months, but he's at my disposal in the meantime. His nurse even called me after I was home from the hospital to see how I was doing. Not many offices will do that. My surgeons office didn't even do that.

 

When my friend, Juli, takes me to appointments non cancer related, we go to breakfast and maybe the fabric store afterwards. That always lifts my spirits. She's awesome and really more a sister to me than a friend. Being with her brightens my day. She can make me laugh like no one else can.

 

My cousin went in for her post op and was told she'd start chemo Jan. 4. She'll go once a week for 16 weeks then have radiation. I have to wait until I meet with the oncologist on the 22nd to know anything. Differences in doctors. She had more pain up front than I did. Now she only has pain in her arms and all her drains are out. I have pain in my arms, chest, sides and back. My right pit where the nodes were removed is looking more normal again, no more valleys and mountian peaks to try and shave.

 

I have a lump on my right side that could be related to either drain three being pulled are the surgery itself since it's in the vicinity of both. It popped up last Thursday. It was hard in the center of it, but today there is only a hard lump, the softness that was around it is gone. It's not much smaller than the lump I felt in my breast. I see the surgeon tomorrow to have my left breast area drained and the last drain removed and will have her look at it. The drain was ready to come out on Saturday, but I wasn't going to tie up Juli's entire day with appointments when I already have one tomorrow that my husband is taking me to.

 

I am struggling with mental issues, but I don't want to see the doctor assigned to me. I discussed my issues with the conflict of interest with my husband and he tried to talk me into seeing her anyway. I refuse to compromise their professional relationship. It would be the same with anyone else they switched me over to within this OSF circle. They all know him - he works on everyones computer sysmtems. He's not one of those to go in and does the job and disappears. He friends everyone and they can stand around and talk, joke, whatever no matter where they run into one another at. I've seen it many times, I saw it with her the day I met her. I liked her and all, but I have to respect their relationship even if they disagree with me.

 

I may not tell my husband things when I should, but I eventually get around to it. Usually when I don't feel so vulnerable. I don't know how to not worry about everyone else and put myself first. It's never been in my makeup.

 

My side of the family is rather flaky or I should say my mother's side of the family, and I really don't have anything to do with them - their choice more than mine. I was estranged from my sister for years for reasons I never understood. However, when we moved back here, she and I learned to be friends again, then sisters. It was awesome, but then all of sudden she pulled back, then sold her house and moved out of state without telling me goodbye. Saturday night, I get a call from her. She's all upset because she just learned I had cancer from a co-worker of mine. They moved back here a year ago and didn't let me or our dad know. We live in a small town and I hadn't run into her and noone told me she was back. Very strange. Anyway, I let her come over yesterday. She stayed for three exhausting hours. I never got an explanation as to why she left like she did or why she returned and kept it a secret. It went all right, but I really don't want the stress of having to renew a relationship with her and have her pull another disappearing act. She wants to help me through this. I love her to death, but I have so much on my plate. Probably the first time ever, I've thought of myself first. I just realized that.

 

I'm feeling really depressed now. I think I'll take the ativan and curl up with my son's yorkipoo and watch a movie.

 

Hugs,

 

Becky

 

 

Yes, take the anti anxiety and anti depressant meds. Do what you need to do to get through this. And try to get more sleep - it is so important for your physical and mental well being.

Hugs,

Sandra

 

Yes, it's ok to send my private messages.

 

Becky

 

We see the assistant who had already proved her imcompetence to me when she called a couple weeks earlier with my pathology report results, so I was not happy.

 

She takes out the other drain and retapes in my incisions, tells me I can now shower and excercise the goes on to tell me to come to see the surgeon in three weeks. We're like, whoa here. And told her why the appointment was requested by Mammolito. She pulls up the notes from last week and tells us there is no fluid buildup that what I have is just normal swelling of scar tissue. I showed her the new lump and she said it was just scar tissue. I asked about driving and work and she driving yes, work no. Told me when I come back she'll decide then if I can return to work.

 

I was about to blow.

 

Today we had a consult with the physical therapist who became livid at the site of me. I do have fluid build up as well as an orange peel look on the cancer side. The swelling is beyond normal and the pain I've been having shouldn't have shrugged off nor should the assistant have been so flippant when she told me to just take tylenol which I'd already told them didn't help. So the therapist is writing up a recommended treatment program and sending it to the surgeon for approval. So, I'm wondering if the surgeon will compare her findings to the report her assistant wrote up and realize her entire staff is incompetent.

 

The only thing that has been helping me is a bean pillow a friend made me for my back. You just warm it up in the microwave for a couple of minutes. It eases the burning pain so I can fall asleep.

 

So frustrated.

 

Becky

 

I switched over to an over the counter sleep aid. One I've used before, but normally can only take half a dose or I spend the night halucinating. I've been taking the full dose the past couple of nights and sleeping through the night and waking up with minimal pain. Of course, I've been sleeping with my warming pillow a friend made me - it's full of beans and I just pop in the mircrowave for two minutes. It eases the burning pain so I can get to sleep in the first place.

 

I meet with the PT Tuesday and Thursday next week and I'm confident she can help. If not, I'll call the surgeon then my primary.

 

I got my compression sleeve today. Not sure this is going to work out at all. It's uncomfortable as all get out, because I can't stand tight things on me - it's tighter then the elastic cuff on my hunting coat that I was told I couldn't wear. I didn't get the one with the silcone top on it, because it was too tight on my arm. The woman who measured me said she couldn't go up a size, because then the wrist wouldn't fit right and that's the most important thing. I've worn it all afternoon and finally had to remove it. It left marks on my skin. The PT says I don't need to wear it all the time, just when I'm active, like working, gardening or doing exercises. I'll let her look at it Tuesday and see what she thinks.

 

I'm doing well overall as long as I take the ativan. My sister-in-law and daughter-in-laws set up a facebook group to help bring awareness to TNBC and raise money for medical expenses for me. I feel so blessed.

 

All the best,

Becky

 

 

I also found wearing a men's tank undershirt under my own shirt helped keep the pain down. It kept my shirt from rubbing against the sore spots when I moved. I managed an hour at a friend's open house and then three hours at the store before my breast bone started throbbing.  A big improvement.

 

On the down side, the infection has returned in the same place, back on meds.

 

Hugs,

Becky

 

Because of this, the PT could only work on one side. She also added three more excercises to the eight I already do and says she'll give me more on Thursday.

 

Well, it's starting to hit my kids. Friday, my 29 yr old broke down and last night my 21 yr old broke down. My 18 yr has been heartbroken over his friend who has Burkitt's Lymphoma. However, the numerous surgeries he's had and two stints of chemo has not shrunk the remainder of the tumor. It keeps growing. This past weekend we were all told he can either go home to die or go through stronger chemo. The parents left it up to him and he's opted to go for the big guns. Jeff is just beside himself with fear, sadness and pain. It was just eight years ago earlier this month that he lost another friend to cancer. It just sucks all around.

 

All the best,

Becky

you are having such a rough time, I'm really sad to be reading about it. How are you going, physically, now?

Maybe keep taking the meds? Take the anxiety away, you don't need it right now. You need to focus all your energy on healing. Have you met the medical oncologist yet? Sorry if you have already told me.... chemo brain, mum brain and Christmas does not equal a good memory!

Must be so tough for the kids to see their mum go through this... I guess I am *lucky* in some ways in that my kids are so young - they are less interested in other people (yep, even mum!), lol. But I do have school social workers and psychologists talking to them, so I have called in the troops to make sure if there is any sign they are struggling, we are on top of it. And we are in a difficult time of the year, in many ways, with such a focus on family and friends and festivities and 'having fun'. Can be hard to stay on top of it, emotionally, with all that going on around you.

I was also sad to read about your son's friend. How devastating for him, his friends and family. Must be awful as a parent to see your child go through such an illness. I would take on cancer 1000 times over if it meant my children never had to experience it. Reading that news humbled me and reminded me that I may well be one of the 'lucky ones' and beat this disease away. He isn't so lucky and many aren't. My heart hurts for them. I hope with all my being that the next lot of drugs kill the tumors and he lives well.

Sandra

x

Hi Sandra,

 

I'm tired of the whole thing.

 

I will say that my right side feels so much better - lighter and more normal. The PT is working so the fluid goes down into my groin nodes.

 

The trip to the surgeon's office was a waste of time. The surgeon's assistant was ticked that I was seeing the PT and wanted to know why and if the surgeon sent me. She was more interested in covering my butt then what I was there for. So, she says I don't have an infection so stop taking the antibiotic. She says what is going is the healing process. I squeezed it and puss came out and she ignored it and said I was over reacting. I came home took ativan, then called and left a message for the surgeon to call me and was told she wouldn't be in the office until after Christmas. So then I sent my primary a detailed message of it all and notified my liason at the Breast Cancer Center.

 

Initially, my surgery was scheduled for Dec 14 with a post op on the 22nd. Three times now, when I've checked in and checked out, they've reminded me of my appointment on the 22nd and I've explained why that appointment needs to be taken out of the system. My surgery was moved up to Nov 25 with post op on the 6th. I'm betting I get a letter chewing me out for not showing up for it on Thursday.

 

Anyways, anger either makes me clean house or cook. I made lentil soup and brownies.

 

I'm going to spend the rest of the night cuddling with my husband and watching a movie of his choice.

 

Hugs,

Becky

 

 

 

 

 

All is going well. The PT sessions really help. I go back next Wednesday.

 

If they can get the port in and get the echocardiogram done before Jan. 5, then I start chemo that day. Three hours the first session then off to see the surgeon. I have labs and chemo class next Thursday.

 

I start with AC every other week for four sessions, then taxel for either twelve weeks or every two weeks for six sessions of double doses. All the sessions are followed with the blood cell boosting shot.

 

I signed up for a clinical trial which will determine how often the taxel is given. Of course, it's pending on acceptance.

 

They said about day seventeen after the first treatment is when I should lose my hair, so I'll be having a pajama party prior to that so my friends can hack at my hair. lol It'll be fun.

 

I'm off to bed.

 

Hugs,

Becky

 

I enjoyed as much of the holidays as I could. Wore me out, but I love being with my family - they breathe life into the weary, that's for sure. I've done much sleeping since I left the family gathering Sunday afternoon.

 

I'm finished with going to physical therapy. She showed me how to do the massages at home as well as the scar massages. Easy as pie.

 

I have the echo, labs and chemo class this afternoon and the port goes in tomorrow.

 

My son's friend, Josh, passed away this morning. We were notified Tuesday night that the big guns of chemo wasn't working, the tumor continued to grow. We just didn't expect him to pass so quickly. I notified Kara and she came home from her dads, told Jeff when he awakened and still need to tell Jesse, but want to wait until he's off work so it doesn't affect his job or cause injury because he's upset. He installs garage doors and replaces parts. We're all red-eyed as the whole community will be for days to come.

 

I just have to keep reminding them that my tumors were removed.

 

My husband has a friend at church whose cancer has returned - he's going through chemo to shrink the tumor and he thinks it's working, but the chemo makes him feel like he's dying. Has my husband worried. I'll think he'll feel better after the class today.

 

It's crazy in this town of ours - it's like cancer is an emdemic. They do fundraisers for St. Jude and Breast Cancer every year - most never heard of Tripe Negative and are stunned to hear very little of the breast cancer funds go for TN research. One of my daughter-in-laws wants to start organizing an annual fundraiser for the Triple Negative Breast Cancer Foundation.

 

Well, time to get ready for a tiring afternoon. My ride will be here soon.

 

Hugs,

 

Becky

 

 

 

Is it normal to have so much pain with the port? At first it was in the neck and I couldn't move my head, yawn, or swallow without pain. I told the nurse and she ignored it. I was sent home with no pain medication. By the time I got home, the entire area around the port was black & blue and pain spread from it out across my chest. I had to sleep half sitting up and even them support my neck when I had to get out of bed. This morning there is more bruising over the tubing between the port and upper tubing incision. The only thing I was told was that I can't drive for 48 hours - I couldn't if I was told I could. I can't turn my head without intense pain.

 

She was too busy rushing us out of recovery as fast as she could. Food was offered when I was first taken into the room, but I was still too asleep to comprehend. She came back a few minutes later and said I needed to sit up for a while before dress, so she raised the head of the bed while I held my neck. The next appearance was a mere few minutes later. She told me she was taking the IV out so I could dress and go home. My husband told her I was hungry and she offered me snack foods that I can take with me. When I saw the nurse before surgery, she told us would be in recovery for 30 minutes to an hour and they had to be sure I ate without getting sick before I could leave. I wasn't in recovery twenty minutes when I was booted. I can't wait for the survey to come. We were told to be there at noon - it was a twenty minute wait to be called which wasn't bad, but then I sat in the room waiting to go to surgery over two hours.

 

The nurse before surgery said I would be given a numbing agent to put over the port before I arrived. I told her I hadn't received it. She said I will. I don't go back until the day of chemo. I've already been given pills for nausea.

 

I had discussed having my Vit D levels checked and was told that wasn't standard procedure for triple negative, but that other types of breast cancer they put them on vit D. I insisted they check the levels and told them what I learned here in the forum. They said they'd pass it on to my oncologist that it was not a problem to add it on. When I went for the labs I asked if the order was there and it wasn't. I told her to call and get the order added on because I had asked for it was given the impression it'd be done. She said she took extra blood in case the doctor ok'd it. If not, she'd just toss it. I'm going to keep pushing the issue.

 

The breast cancer center and the surgeon told us my chemo treatments would be 5-7 hours. I'm told by the cancer center that they will only be 3 hours and I won't get the blood cell boost if I land in the arm where I have the Taxel every week. They also insist Taxel will be a breeze after the AC.

 

I have no confidence in these people and that's not a nice feeling.

 

Now I can't do the treatment to drain the fluid in my chest. They put the tube in the vein that sits right where my fingers have to go over my collar bone and the PT said that was the most important place to work first. The whole area is sore.

 

My cousin was told by her surgeon that she'd have 16 weeks of chemo and then radiation. Now, she's being told by her oncologist that she's only going to have six weeks of chemo and six weeks of radiation. She starts chemo the day before I do. She's not TN. Everything else she has is identical to me - except she had 12/16 nodes that were positive. We're both being treated at the same place just by different surgerons and oncologists.

 

I suppose it's normal to compare and questions.

 

Well, I need to rest now. I'm seriously more tired this past week then was after surgery.

 

Hugs,

 

Becky

 

 

I'm so sorry you are having problems from the Port surgery.  I was really sore for about a week afterwards, but did not have any bruising like you're experiencing.  They gave me pain meds, percocet I think.  If you're still experiencing pain, can you call and ask for some?  Have you tried Ibuprofen (Advil) to see if it helps?

I'm sorry you're also having problems getting a Vitamin D test.  It's just a simple blood test and I don't understand why they don't do it.  Once I requested it, it's part of my routine blood work.  Now that mine is in the optimal level, I test every 6 to 12 months.  You can order an in-home Vitamin D test from  http://www.vitamindcouncil.org/ - http://www.vitamindcouncil.org/   but have to pay for it out of the pocket.  

I never used a numbing cream for the area of my port.  It never hurt when they accessed the port.  The chemo nurses would always tell me to take a deep breath and then they'd access it.  I never felt anything.

Wishing you the best,

Donna

 

The only problem I have with contacting anyone in the medical field is that the offices are closed until Tuesday.

 

I plan on filling the surgeon and my primary in. Thursday I should know if the vit d test was done, if not, I'll notify my primary after I get home that afternoon. He's not afraid of stepping on toes and having tests done or redone.

 

 

Hugs,

 

Becky

 

I was specifically told I could not take Ibuprofen, Naproxin, aspirin - only tylenol. It was reitterrated in the chemo glass and my friend Juli told her Tylenol does nothing for me. The nurse raised an eyebrow and told her it was all I can take and moved on.

 

I can call the PT Tuesday and let know the tube is in the way, but I can't go in and see her again without a referral from one of the doctors and don't see them until Thursday. I'll try wearing the compression shirts more, but even though they are tank tops, I can't wear the strap of the right side up on the shoulder. It causes the top of the shirt to rub the port area.

 

I just feel like such a whiner and I'm normally very tollorant. I just hope the chemo goes smoothly and fast.

 

Hugs,

 

Becky

 

 

Shelly Rae

Now my experience...The vascular surgeon that placed my port in his office surgical suite punctured my lun g. A very harrowing situation with many phones calls trying to find out if the shoulder blade pain and a bit of shortness of breath were normal, not the doc or nurse prac came to the phone. Shortness of breath got worse. Wound up in emergency room with 50% collapse and a chest tube being placed.

Best wishes for you feeling better soon,

Nat

 

The only instructions I was given was not to take baths or let the sight soak in water. I could shower. The rest was standard, teeth chattering chills, severe redness with fever, call.

 

Yesterday, I couldn't get the compression tank on at all. Anything that caused my shoulder to move inward toward the port hurt like hell. Accidentially bumping it causes intense pain. I got into it today, but can't wear the strap on my shoulder as it causes the top to rub the sore area.

 

The bruising has turned red, but not infection type red or any wqrmer than the rest of skin. I've never seen bruising go red before, normally yellow. The swelling has started to go down. I can see one of the bumps of the port now. I can swallow with out pain now, but I still can't yawn or move my head without pain, even belching hurts.

 

I guess overall its getting better although the hasn't lessoned all that much. I'll live.

 

Last night I walked out into the kitchen topless. I was fixing a half sandwich and the boys came out from the living room. "Mom, that's just weird." They weren't offended or anything, but yeah, I can see it's wierdness that I can now walk around topless. Jesse asked why I have to do chemo if they removed the tumors. So we had a discussion about how removing tumors doesn't mean they got all the cancer. Cells can escape and that's what they want to kill off. Jesse was in such denial at first and wouldn't talk about or ask questions, so I'm glad now he's feeling comfortable about asking.

 

I guess I should take the hint and get dressed for shopping. My husband is bored and wanting to get out.

 

Hugs,

 

Becky

 

 

 

 

 

I'm recently diagnoised 12/15/11. I am stage 2A and TN. Waiting for BRCA test to come back.  It should come back tomorrow or Wednesday. I have 4 girls - 26,23,18 and 17.  The two older ones have been asking lots of questions, but the two younger ones don't really want to talk about it.  I don't press the issue. They will ask questions when they are ready.  It's really been a crappy year all the way around.  I was recently divorced to their step-dad in July and then a month later my Mother passed away. I thought things were going to get better once I bought my own townhome, but I was wrong. Boy was I wrong!!!  I have my ups and downs for sure.  Trying to be strong for everyone.  Once I get the results of the BRCA and hopefully it will come back negative. If that's the case then I need to decide if I want a lumpectomy or just take the breast. But with my luck it will be positive and that will make the decision for me. Reading all these discussions is helping a lot.  There's just so much information to take in right now.  So many decisions to make.

 

Best of luck with everything you are going through.

 

Lisa

Sorry you are having to deal with all of this all at one time.  One thing is hard enough.  Where you are is probably the hardest in this journey.  At least it was for me.  Once you have a treatment plan and you get started, things will probably settle down a little bit.  Come to this board as often as you need to.  You can rant or cry or yell or do what you need to here.  There is usually someone around who is more than willing to respond in a caring and compassionate way. 

Nita

 

Makes my whining seem petty. Still, I wish I had a new team. I found a new lump and it's doubled in size in 24 hours - hard and non-mobile above my armpit where I've already had nodes removed. Who do I call? I didn't know so my husband told me to call my liason at cancer center where I started. She told me to call the surgeon and said to let them know about the lump and see if they want to do anything before I see the surgeon on Thursday and to make sure they know I'm scheduled for my first chemo treatment just before that appointment, but said it's probably fluid from my arm, especially since I had been seeing a lymphedema physical therapist. I was seeing her for fliud buildup in my chest, my arm is just fine. So I call the surgeons office, leave a detailed message and two hours later get a call back "What's the problem, explain it to me?" I take a deep breath and explain it to her and asked her if I should still have the chemo. She says she'll talk to the surgeon and see if she wants to do a sonogram before I see her. She calls me back and says the surgeon is with a new patient (which is always the excuse) and says she talked to the assistant who says no tests are to be done before my appointment on Thursday - nothing was said about the chemo. I'm not happy at all. The assistant is inept to say the least.

 

I have an appointment with the oncologist before chemo on Thursday, so I'm going to see what she says. I don't want chemo until I know what this lump is for sure.

 

We've just returned from Josh's vistation. Rough to say the least.

 

Hugs,

Becky

Your heart must be very heavy after Josh's visitation.  It's such a hard time right now and your family must be feeling his loss and the unfairness of it all.  I have no words, just sadness.

I'm sorry the medical team isn't responding to your concerns with the new lump.  Maybe when you visit your onc, she can get on the situation right away and have it looked at.  Have you thought about getting a second opinion?  Maybe at a larger cancer facility associated with a teaching hospital.  Knowing what I know now, I wish I would have sought a second opinion at the beginning of my diagnosis.  

Wishing you the best and hope you get answers to the new lump quickly.  Maybe they can to an ultrasound on it.

Donna

 

Noone's situation on this discussion board is petty!!  Like Nita said this is a place to vent, whine, find compassion when maybe the day didn't bring anything good.  It seems like this is a great place to find answers and just talk to people who are in the same situation and understand what you are feeling and going through.  I can't believe your surgeon is being so nonchalant.  I might have gone downto  the office and thrown a big hissy fit. 

 

Lots of love coming your way.

Lisa

 

Despite the fact that the surgeon is this way, it's her staff I take real issue with. They are the most incompetent people I'm come across aside from my boss. She knows of no vistits I've had with her nurse or assistant unless I tell her and the look on her face says it all. She knows they are incompetent. She asks for names of everyone I saw.

 

At this stage of things, I don't know how to go about getting second opinions or changing to someone who actually cares.

 

I'm hoping the oncologist steps up. If she doesn't and the surgeon doesn't, I won't have a choice but to take it and dump it in my primary's lap. Maybe he can guide me from there. Or it's possible, I can go back upstairs and sit down with my liason and who boss and lay it out and enlist their help.

 

In the meantime, A headache came on last night and it's a doozy. It kept me up most of the night despite the sleeping pill. No better this morning. And now, I have to deal with the insurance company. They called my husband and refused to talk to him about whatever, they need to speak to me. She wouldn't even take my number from him, he had to call me and have me call her. Now, I'm waiting for her to call me back. If it's not one thing it's another.

 

Hugs,

Becky

 

Can you tell us where you live in Illinois (north, south, east, west area)?  Maybe some members can offer some suggestions for changing care.  Also there are several very good NCCN institutions you could go to for a second opinion.  Steve has many contacts and could help you with an appointment if you decide you'd like to go that route.

Wishing you the best,

Donna

 

The call I had to make to the insurance company was all very good. It was actually one of their oncologists, Lesli Glaser, who is now my advocate and source of help and information. We had a wonderful conversation. She's willing to make the calls for me so I don't have to deal with the brushoffs and attitudes of people. She wanted to call the oncologists office for me, but I opted to do it. I should have had her do it. I swear. The receptionist who answered wouldn't put me through to my doctors office until I told her why I was calling and she wouldn't let it go at that I had a couple of questions. Then she puts me through and I had to leave a voice mail and was told my call would be returned within an hour. I left the room to go wash up the crock pot from last night and missed her call back. So, I called back and had to go through the same issue with the receptionist.  I finally get to talk to someone and she's all kinds of rude like I interrupted her favorite tv show or something. I asked about the numbing cream I was supposed to be given and hadn't. She said they'd call my pharmacy and order it. I told her about the new lump and her whole attitude changed for the better. I'm waiting on a call back about whether or not they want to put off chemo until the surgeron looks at it. The concern Lesli had was that if the surgeon needed to do anything, my whilte blood cells could be too messed up.

 

Let's hope things get better now.

 

 

Hugs,

Becky

 

My hsuband was across the street from where I work getting gas and he was called over to the place by his friend who also works there. They wanted him to collect the money from the donation canister, but my boss told him to let me know that he's having trouble setting up the computer access so I can work from home. And he also sent dinner home for us. I'll be able to drive now, I hope, now that I have the numbing cream. I know it's for the chemo, but it might allow me to drive more safely. I drove my daughter-in-laws care back from the funeral home yesterday, since my son showed up and she was going to ride home with him. I couldn't turn my head to check the blind spots without intense pain. It pulled on the port area.

 

I'm feeling a little less stressed right now, but the headache is still there. It has to be weather related. We're having crazy weather. It was freezing the last couple of days, but warmed up over night. The barametric pressure must have changed with it. It almost reached 50 today after being in the teens and twenty's. Supposed to be in the 50's the next few days.

 

Hugs,

Becky

 

Last Thursday, the oncologist felt my lump and said it's nothing to worry about, it's rubbery and nothing like cancer, but she'll watch it. That afternoon, I brought it to the attention of my surgeon and she said it felt like fluid from my arm, massaged it and said it went away. I felt the area and thought she was right, but didn't get a good feel since she wanted to get on with her exam of my chest. While I'm dressing, I feel the lump.

 

Now it's tripled in size and more sore. My husband wants me to call the oncologist and tell her to order further testing. I'm debating making an appointment with my primary and see what he wants to do.

 

And there seems to be some discreptancy in my staging. My surgeon says stage 3, the oncologist says stage 2.

 

I don't know what to do.

 

Hugs,

Becky

I don't want to sound like I am dismissing your fears and worries at all, but if both the surgeon and oncologist have thought it isn't cancer, well, I'm guessing it isn't. However, having said that, please keep bothering them until you feel your concerns have been addressed. I think these doctors are so used to dealing with cancer day in and day out that they forget there is a person attached to the body and that that person has very real and sometimes debilitating fears.  When is your next appointment?

As for staging - well, I think that 1 node involved and a tumor at 2.5cm would make you a stage 2. I try to think of staging as a way for the doctors to decide on treatments plans - not as an 'outcome' for survival or relapse. And being triple negative, you're getting the aggressive treatment plan already. 

Be well,

Sandra

Should I be getting it?

 

 

My liason told me to talk to the surgeon, my advocate said to talk to the oncologist. Both gave different views on the lump which tells me no one knows what it is and they don't want to mess with it. My advocate is supposed to call this week.

 

I'm too tired to focus much of the time, so I get aggitated with these people. I need to know for me that they aren't just blowing me off again. I guess I'll make the appointment with my primary. At least he's cheap to see than these other people.

 

Hugs,

Becky

As for rads... hmm.. I don't know. Why aren't you getting it? Because of the mastectomy? I always knew rads was on the cards and never questioned I whether I would do it or not. My rad oncologist wants to do rads to the axilla, the breast and my neck lymph nodes. There wasn't any sign of cancer in the neck nodes, but she said given my age, the location of the tumor and the aggressive nature of the beast she would feel better about doing it. I feel comfortable with that. Who can you talk to about getting a referral to a rad oncologist? 

I wish you could get a team together that you feel confident in Becky - you're having a rough time and it isn't fair. The healing power of a strong mind, body and spirit goes a long way. 

Please find someone you can talk to.

Hugs

Sandra

It sounds like you're having a tough time with your docs.

I have NO medical training, so take everything I say with several grains of salt. 

I believe the reason they aren't recommending radiation for you is because radiation is a local treatment, meant for the origination site of the cancer and surrounding tissues. Since you had a mastectomy, the origination site has been removed from your body, so there is nothing to radiate.

I could be all wet, but that is what I remember from my wife's medical team.

I hope you can find some doctors that you can communicate with better. 

Best regards,

Wade

Shelly Rae

I believe that when it comes to radiation for those of us who are in a gray area, not all oncs recommend it.  You may want to seek a second opinion since a recent study indicates the possibility that those with TNBC who have a lumpectomy with rads tend to do better than those who have a mastectomy without rads.  I was stage 2b with a large tumor and negative SN (although there were three microscopic cells all were small enough for a neg node).  I still got rads, and the rad onc expanded the field to my clavical nodes because of the microscopic cells and the size of the tumor. 

 

I do wish you luck.  It can be so difficult to sort through all of the information.  You are your best advocate, although at times it's easier to just go along with what the drs tell us.  They could be right, but if you feel you need to investigate radiation further, a second opinion might help you sort through all of this.

 

Lori

 

First, they had the research team meet with me. I answered their questions and gave them the load. They passed it onto the nurse practioner who came in next. That was a first. We discussed my concerns and the fact that I was told twice the vit d level would be tacked on and it wasn't. She made sure and I watched her put it on the form and it will be done next Thursday.

 

My white blood cells are extremely low so she orded an antibiodic and told me to wear a mask when I'm out around people - which I have a fundraiser for thr friend of Jeff's whom we buried last week on Saturday.

 

She also ordered magic mouthwash for my mouth and throat - they came on yesterday afternoon.

 

She also ordered sleep meds, because I haven't slept more than two hours a night in four days.

 

Most things on my list were taken care of before I pulled it out. I showed her the lump and told her what has been said and she said they'd watch it. She turned her back and I looked at my sister, took a deep breath and asked her if we can do a sonogram. She turned around and said yes. So, I'm scheduled for the sonogram next Tuesday and she threw in the biopsy in case they see something suspicous.

 

Now I'm having issues with my insurance. They are saying we have no coverage that it ended November 30. It hasn't, nothing has changed with it. So all my claims dating back to Dec 1st are being denied and I couldn't pick up my antibiodic or sleep aid - combined they run $269.00. We got the mouthwash, because it's $40 and not covered by insurance anyway. I really needed it so I could eat solid food.

 

Hugs,

Becky

 

"Welcome" to the group.

My Mom was scared to death of the Chemo, almost more than the cancer itself!

We have lots of cancer in our family and chemo was always bad for everyone.

For what ever reason my Mom has had NO REAL problems from the chemo treatments (10 sessions so far).

Her treatments are weekly (every Mon) and is not sick (hasn't barfed once!)

She did lose her hair and had a wig made from her own hair before it fell out (you would never know she is wearing it since it's the same style).

She has minor issues like a runny nose, dry skin, etc but nothing crazy or painful.

She looks the same, no one knows she has cancer until she tells them.

 

Everyone has different responses from Chemo and you could be pleasantly suprised.

Chemo is what will keep you alive - and you don't need it forever - ;)

Enjoy the help you get from others - it's brought our family closer together.

Set Goals for yourself - we are all going to Vegas for the weekend after my Mom's 12 treatment.

After each chemo we go to Olive Garden for Soup, Salad and Bread Sticks.  Her Fav.

 

Keep your chin up - you got this!

Rachel.

 

 

 

 

 

The insurance issue is some sort of clitch. The lady who handles it for my husband's company is investigating, so I'm going to let her do her thing. If she can't get if fixed shortly, then I have a lady on standby who can help us get whatever I need at no charge. I just don't like to do that kind of thing if I don't really need to, because there are so many others who need the assistance more.

 

I haven't looked at the financial support thread, but I will. One of my classmates challenged all of our other classmates to donate and I'm getting donations for people in my husband's class as well as my sisters.

 

I feel like I always need to put a disclaimer - sister is my actual sister, the one who reappeared in my life once she learned I had cancer. Sissy is my long time friend who has always been more of a sister. Yesterday, my sister went with me to my appointment. On the drive in she informed me that all three of our mother's brothers died of cancer. I didn't even know two of them had died.

 

I realised late last night that I'd forgotten to ask for something stronger than Tylenol to handle the shot effects. Sissy and my husband will help remind me on Thursday.

 

I missed Lesli's call yesterday, so I'll return it today. I don't answer my phone if I don't know the number or if I'm driving. I thought I had her in my contacts so this didn't happen, but I do now.

 

I did get a little more sleep last night.

 

I'm a little bummed. My niece is coming into town next Friday and I'm going to be too miserable to enjoy her. She has aspergers and always a challenge when I'm healthy. She's just amazingly bright as is most with aspergers. She's 28 and traveled all over the country with her boyfriend of five years. They first met on the internet about six years ago.

 

I feel much more upbeat this morning. It must be knowing I'm going to find out for sure what this lump is and getting a little more sleep.

 

Hugs,

Becky

 

We do have a goal for this summer. I'll finish chemo in May, so probably in July, my husband is taking me down south to see my oldest and dearest friend. I've had this overwhelming need to see her this year, so they've been planning. We've been best friends since we were ten. I have another friend

coming into town to see me over Easter weekend, in between chemos.

 

Short term, I'm having a pajama party tomorrow night and my hair will get whacked off a week before I lose it. I'm keeping it for old times sake. I don't plan on wearing a wig, my former co-workers are going to autograph my head then my guys are going to do artwork on it. My husband has already chosen which spot is his. Each piece of work will have meaning for my guys. And then my sister-in-law is going to make my chest sexy for husband. He's chosen a black lace bra with a hint of nipples beneath it. She's one of the most renowned tattoo artists in the country and does a lot of mastecomy work. Even my surgeon loves her work on her other patients.

 

I have nine more chemo treatments so this far with one under my belt, it's not been as great as your moms. No one in my family has done well with chemo. Except my cousin who didn't get sick with her first treatment. She was diagnosed oct 6, had a bm Nov 28 and her first chemo the day before mine. So we're going through it together. The shot effects were the same for both of us.

 

Well, I guess I should get some online schooling done for work before I get too worn out. I have five more online lessons then start on books. This is for my promotion. I've yet to tell my boss that I probably won't be able to return to work until June due to the white blood cell counts and the fact that I'm supposed to avoid being about people. I'm in food service, I'm around the public and staff.

 

Have a great day!

 

Hugs,

Becky

 

 

They are going to look at it again next month. She's afraid to aspirate it due to it's location. I love my team at Center for Health, wish my surgeon's office and the Cancer Care Center were like them.

 

I can't wait to see where my levels are tomorrow. I can't believe I still tire so easily. They told me I'd bounce back by now. I force myself to do things, then I can't keep my eyes open when I sit back down.

 

The insurance issue still isn't resolved. I'm ticked. We're up to 35,000 in denied medical bills. Tomorrow will add on another $2,500 at least.

 

My chemo is less than $3,000 and the Neulasta shot is over $6,000. Why is that? I would have thought it'd be reversed.

 

I have awesome news and something to look forward to. Monday we learned we're going to be grandparents. Woohoo! Before cancer I wanted the kids to wait until I was out of mom mode and could be grandma - I saw the conflict when we made our parents grandparents while they still had kids at home - they couldn't really be grandparents because they were still parenting. Anyways, since I learned I had cancer I had a different view. I wanted them to hurry, but never said so. I didn't want to put pressure on the newlyweds. The expectant parents are my youngest married son, Jesse, and his wife Kara. The ones who live with us - because of this, I knew she was late and suspected. She did the stick thing Sunday.

 

I'm so ready to go baby shopping, but my husband said to let her get past the miscarriage stage first. I understand. My mother-in-law had two misscarriages and so did I. We're thinking the middle of September as a due date, but we'll know more when she sees the doctor.

 

Hugs,

Becky

 

 

My counts were up. She told me after this treatment things would get better all but the fatigue, to count on it getting worse. I groaned. My Vit D levels should be in Tuesday.

 

I'm not as sore this time with the shot, but I've been taking the Claritin with the Tylenol as my Humana oncologist nurse suggested.

 

Friday, before the shot, I went with sissy and her extended daughter to hear the heartbeat of her baby - it was great. Then we hit two hobby and craft shops. Always fun. We're gearing up to make bracelets and stuff to sell. Today sissy had a meeting at a local restaurant to get the benefit under way. About twelve people showed up, but there are at least six more involved, one being a newspaper editor who is giving us free advertisement. I understand the got quite a bit approval on what was already discussed and some new ideas they are looking into. They're determind to make this different and better than past fundraisers. I'm excited by their enthusiam, exhuasted hearing about it all.

 

Our insuranace still isn't worked out. I'm worried they'll stop treatment until it is. They are aware of the issue and said they'll be as patient as they can be.

 

I've done all the online work I can do for my job. The rest is up to the boss. I'm a week past the 8 weeks I originally told them I needed off. My husband says I can't go back until I'm finished with chemo - that's looking at June due to my counts taking two weeks to bounce back. They didn't schedule me an appointment to come in this next week to have my counts checked or give me another round of antibiotics they told me and my sister I'd need between treatments.

 

Other than that, I guess things are all right. Ativan or not, I have moments of negativitiy and hopelessness. I'm sure it's normal. I get annoyed when people tell me I'm their hero. I'm no hero. I'm a whinny wuss who hasn't yet found any positive in all this nor has it given me an a change of view on life. I guess I never really had a negative one to begin with. Just comfortable where I'm at.

 

Hugs,

Becky

 

Other than that, all I want to do is sleep. My husband has forbid me to leave the house since they aren't giving me the antibiotics this week. It's cold out anyway. So, I'm shopping online for ladybug stuff for Tessa's nursery. I found one that you can warm in the microwave or freezer. My husband says I have to have one, too. lol  I collect ladybugs and bumble bees, but this will be quite useful.

 

Well, I should check the dinner in the crock pot before I drift off again.

 

Hugs,

 

Becky

So glad things are turning around for you. Lump not cancer ,insurance fixed and congrats on becoming grandparents! Treatments seem endless but they will be over soon I know I thought mine would never end. It is a tough journey to go through but you will do it. Wishing the best for you.

Take care,

Denise

 

My sister raised concerns over my nails. She said they shouldn't be growing like they are. I always keep my nails short, because of my job and the fact they've always been soft and tear easy. I only had to cut them twice a month. Now, however, they are quite strong, beautiful and fast growing. I'm having to cut them twice a week and could actually do it more often.

 

I also read that you won't have periods during chemo - after two treatments, there it was.

 

I was told my that I should lose my hair around day 17 according to reports gathered from other patients at the center I go to. It's day 20 and I still haven't lost my hair. My cousin did start losing hers on day 17. Of course different drugs.

 

I don't eat or drink any different than I did before.

 

My boss told my husband last night that his boss says I can not return to work until I have a letter from my doctors releasing me. I'm so okay with that - it means they have to stop pressuring me to return to answer phones and fold boxes. They won't release me to work with the public and my husband expressed his wishes that I wait until after I've recovered from chemo number ten. I think he's adjusting to covering what my paycheck covered. I miss the money though.

 

Hugs,

 

Becky

glad to hear you're getting some good news. How exciting to have a grandchild on the way. Now that is something positive to focus on. AND a holiday to visit an old friend. I too am planning a holiday at the end of all this.

I just wanted to say that like you my nails got better on chemo too. Very odd - they were always soft and broke easily, but now are stronger and healthier. And my hair thinned out, but I never went completely bald. It is growing back and I am only at the half way point. As for the 'no period' - I wish! So, I think we can say there is no way to predict how any one person will react to chemo.

Right now it is 2am and I am wide awake an I won't be getting much sleep because I have to be up at 6am to get the family organised so I can go in for chemo number 4. I start on Docetaxel and am nervous about what to expect. Also feeling down after a run in with a friend. Sigh. 

Am really happy everything has picked up for you 

Hugs

Sandra

 

I'm excited about the grandbaby. I went out and bought yarn to make a ladybug nap pad for sissy's extended daughter who is due in April, then I'll make camouflaged bedding for my daughter-in-law. Whether it's a boy or girl, the nursery will be done in camouflaged decor. I can knit for about five/ten minutes at a time, any longer and my right hand goes numb and my last two fingers on my left hand cramp, but then those fingers always did when I knitted.

 

Are you having any leg pain? After the first chemo I had intermittent pain in my right hip and leg, but last night it was in both and constant. I think I slept only two hours last night. Heat and massages haven't helped nor has Tylenol, of course it doesn't help anything. I've been trying to find out if it's a result of chemo and the websites that popped up were rather scaring so I backed off it. It's not like I sit here and never exercise, I do. I've been doing the same hip and leg exercises I've always done and I get up and walk around often. I'm going to call Monday and let them know about it that I have an infected burn. It was healing nicely, then bam, today it's all red and sore. Why do things always wait until the weekend?

 

On the upside, I think my white count is bouncing back faster this time. I'm not as wiped out.

 

Hugs,

Becky

I cleared out all the messages in my inbox, so you can write me again :-)

You sound in much better spirits, and that's great. I didn't have any leg pain after the FEC, but did after the GCSF injection. Make sure you mention it to the oncologist at your next session - maybe if it is in both hips and legs is in muscular? Remember chemo can do weird stuff to our bodies. And it is definitely scary when you have any kind of pain. Maybe you need a stronger anti-inflammatory?

It's funny how you can tell when your blood counts are good because I noticed the same thing - I said to my husband that I felt so much better this week. And then when I went in to get the Docetaxel on Friday the oncologist commented on how perfect my bloods are. Only 2 more infusions for me now before I start radiation. Not sure how I feel about coming to the end of active chemo treatment. Nervous, I think.

Keep us posted.

Hugs

Sandra

 

I do feel in better spirits. I slept better last night. I had my husband take a rolling pin to my legs and it helped. The pain eased and didn't flare up again until 4am.

 

I'm watching baseball movies today it seems. Field of Dreams was on, now For the Love of the Game. I love baseball and spring training is right around the corner.

 

I have lots of stuff coming starting Feb. 11. I want to feel good for it all.

 

Hugs,

 

Becky

 

I'm trying not to cry, but it's hard. It's like you go a few days of feeling normal again and bam, something reminds you things aren't.

 

Hugs,

Becky

I remember my scalp got tender and itchy jut before my hair fell out. It's confronting, no doubt about it. But please remember this too shall pass. My hair has started growing back - patchy and grey, but still, it's growing. 

I jinxed myself about the leg pain. I had my first treatment of taxotere on Friday and then on Monday afternoon - owww! I was awake most of the night with pain in both of my legs and lower back. I took paracetamol, but that didn't even touch it. I went for a (slow) walk this morning (Tues) and that seemed to help a little. I'm mention it to my oncologist at the next appointment so she can prescribe some stronger pain killers. 

Hugs

Sandra

 

Could it be allergins I picked up from my walk yesterday? Our winter hasn't been that cold and might not have killed off everything from the summer/fall.

 

Is it safe to use eye wash? Will it burn more than normal? I see the oncologist tomorrow. Another thing to add to the list to disucss.

 

Hugs,

Becky

It could be that you are starting to lose your lashes but maybe not  - my mom is just losing hers after her 2nd round of chemo for ovarian cancer. Mine thinned some but i did not lose them all. 

I read something about a warm washcloth and possibly a little baby shampoo to help soothe those feelings. My eyes always feel rough after crying - if they are really irritated from crying i will sometimes try a damp, cool washcloth while closing and resting my eyes. I hope you feel better soon. 

Blair

 

When Jesse left for work, I soaked in the tub with a warm cloth over them. They felt better for about a minute after I removed it to wash up. By the time I finished shaving my legs, they were back to the way they were.

 

I don't plan on feeling better until June. I'm back to considering chucking the whole chemo thing. Enduring it doesn't guarrantee me anything, so having people tell me it's worth it in the long run just makes me mad. The mere thought of going in tomorrow makes me sick to my stomach.

 

I just want to blow off steam and no one wants to hear it. Why should I have to fake it so they feel better. They keep telling me I'm their hero - get real. Since when does suffering make you a hero? Hero's don't exist. Between the medical restrictions and my husband's, I'm a prisoner.

 

I was told I could work during chemo, then when they got around to asking what I did, they said no. I was going to do it anyway, but then my husband told my boss what the doctor said and now I can't return without a letter from the doctor stating I can return to work. I know he meant well, but I need to work for my own sanity.

 

I'm so not having a good day.

 

Hugs,

Becky

I understand more than you can know about restrictions from those who love you in addition to all the things you are asked to do for this fight - also how angry you can feel when your life feels so out of control. Please try to remember the reasons you want to continue - i know they are there. Please keep on posting about how you are feeling - there is always someone here who will listen and respond. 

Blair 

The hair thing wasn't that big a deal for me, I expected that. No wig, just bandanas and knit caps when it got cold. Besides my scalp was so sensitive I couldn't imagine putting anything else on it.

My lashes & brows didn't come out until after starting Taxol (I did a,c,t). That got to me a bit more then the  hair on top. Atleast with a bandana and lashes and brows I just looked like a hippie wannabe. Do they have bandanas, or itty bitty wig like things for your eyes? LOL Darn too bad, have to invent them and make our million then.

This whole thing is so your choice Becky, regardless of what others say. Fight, fight, fight they say. Women do it for years, I don't know how but they do. Don't know, don't think I would.

The biggest thing that I told myself when I felt like you(and believe me I DID),  I hate shoulda, coulda and wouldas. It is all a crap shoot in my eyes no matter what you do. Hey I could have gone on to Radiation, I chose not to as many women here have done. That was my choice, just as the double was even though all the docs said it didn't increase my chances of survival any more then a lumpectomy.

 

You are the rin master of your very own circus.

As far as your hubby? He probably did mean well, cause of the love and concern he feels. Hey take advantage of it. What size nylons do you think he is? You know the ones with the seems up the back?

No no no better yet CHAPS are definately the way to go, no jeans though. A man in chaps and a mop in one hand and a spatula in the other hmmmmm. LOL

 

What ever your choice, be comfortable in it. We are here in your corner no matter what.

Blair

 

A life full of extraordinary difficult and  heartbreaking stuff needs a little humor. If you can still manage to laugh sometimes,it just seems to make life a bit more bareable......glad you laughed

 

Anything better than Tylenol to make me more comfortable is still a big fat no. There reason now is not because of interference with the chemo drugs, but they don't want to make me more tired than I already am.

 

For my hurting eyes they told me to use an over the counter eye moisturizer, said it was probably a reaction from the chemo.

 

My red count was low, but of no concern - everything else was normal. The lab tech hurt me when she put the needle in my port and didn't apologize, just gave me a glare when I reacted to it. The numbing cream didn't work this week - that's two out of three times it hasn't worked and they didn't seem to care.

 

Told me to hold on for one more treatment and then when I start the Taxol things will get much better.

 

They were so busy they were running two hours behind, if it wasn't for my husband, I would have walked out. They didn't bother to change my shot appoitment time to adhere to the changed chemo times so I'm getting it two hours earlier than I should be.

 

The only up side to today was the fact that an old friend from school was in there with her boyfriend. I really enjoyed talking with her and she improved my mood for a while.

 

I have an annoying headache and nausea - not much of a life is it.

 

Tomorrow after I get the shot I'm going to the craft and fabric store. That should help perk me up. Getting supplies for projects for baby things and spending time with sissy.

 

Hugs,

Bekki

I know you feel like chucking it in - I had that thought yesterday too. After such an awful week of pain and vomiting I was really, really over it. But today is a new day and I feel better and stronger. And you will too. And sure, there are no guarantees. But all I can do, for the moment, is take comfort in knowing I did all I could to beat this - treatment, diet, outlook... If it comes back I'll be angry, of that I'm sure. But I try to maintain the attitude that it isn't a problem until it is a problem. Worrying about tomorrow only ruins today. And you have so much to look forward to - a grandbaby!! I'm happy and excited for you. 

Lisa, we skipped over your questions, sorry about that. I had trouble with the taxanes - I had Taxotere, not Taxol, but they're similar. And yep, I had intense muscle pain for a week or so. It put me in bed for a couple of days, and believe me, that never happens! I also had trouble with nausea and vomiting and landed in hospital a couple of days ago. BUT, the fact that you're onto your 3rd treatment and feel well is GREAT. Hopefully you will continue to feel great too - I have my fingers crossed for you. Not everyone experiences every side effect.

 I only have 2 more treatments to go - yeah. Hanging in for the end of this before I march on to radiation. And after all this? A holiday in Fiji :-)

Hang in there Lisa and Becky - and remember to come here when you feel like you're sinking - we'll keep you afloat.

Hugs

Sandra

 

My hair is being really stubborn - it's very slowly coming out leaving me with bald spots. It was suggested I go ahead and shave it, but I can't bring myself to do it. I want to keep hair as long as I can. What's really wierd is it looks more bald to me when I don't have glasses on.

 

Saturday was my worst day after this last treatment and not much bone pain after that. It's the headache and my eyes that are keeping me miserable. The eye drops aren't helping. My left eye sticks closed and crusts up really bad. I was putting a hot cloth on it every time I got up last night.

 

My mouth has this constant coating, nothing helps to keep it away. Is this a side affect of the magic mouthwash I use for the tenderness and sores? If I brush my teeth, it's immediately followed by vomiting - this is new this time. It's the same baking soda toothpaste I've always used. 

 

Hugs,

Becky

 

 

 

 

Becky,

I am so sorry that your are having a difficult time with chemo.  Chemo is so hard.  Every treatment brings something different, and I was more tired all of the time.  I bounced back at first, but not after those last cycles.  It will take time.  It will take more time than you imagine. But, one day you will notice that you are feeling "normal" again.  

I, too, got tired of people telling me how strong and amazing I was.  Everyone with cancer is.  I just tend to stuff emotions and live in denial. 

I am sorry about your friends and classmates.  Once we have cancer, those struggles and deaths become even more personal because we have so much more of an understanding of what they are or have gone through.  Plus, the idea that it could be us is never that far away.

I do hope your side effects get better.  Rest as much as you can and take care of yourself.

God bless,

Lori

I just want you to know that I am so, so sorry about the difficulties you are having.  Chemo sucks and there is no way around it.  I hated it, but I knew it was my best chance to survive.  I'm not sure I would ever do it again.  But, I am here to tell you that it will come to an end.  And then, knowing that you did everything you could to beat this disease will bring you some sense of peace.  I wouldn't be able to handle it at this point, if I had NOT done chemo.  I would feel so threatened that I hadn't at least tried.  I don't know what kind of pain killers you might have left from your surgery, but on my worst days, I took Dilaudid and just slept most of the day.  I hope this time passes quickly for you and I look forward to seeing your posts when this is all over and you're looking forward to things again.

Charlene