My mom was diagnosed with stage 2 TNBC. She handled chemotherapy wonderfully and had a good response to surgery. As she was about to start radiation which was suppose to be the "easy" one she developed headaches. But she was still herself. about 6 weeks ago she couldn't eat without throwing up and just wasn't herself. We already knew at that time she had a lesion on her brain but they were not sure if it was cancer since it was in an area cancer doesn't spread. I was concerned for her so my dad and I decided to take her to the ER.
They ended up admitting her and the goal was to figure out what exactly this lesion was since they couldn't biopsy it or do surgery since it was in the inner capsule. Her first night she had what they thought was a seizure so they moved her to the ICU. She just wasn't herself again--but they thought it could be the amount of meds she was. The neurologist came in and said they wanted to do a spinal tap to check the fluid. That is when my stomach dropped and I knew it spread to there based on her symptoms and signs. I have worked in an oncology clinic for 13 years. After a few days on decadron she was getting better. Able to sit up, talk, etc. But she was still so weak. They ended up discharging her to this day I regret doing this.
Over that weekend, she got worse again. Hardly was walking without assistance but we took that as her being in bed for 10 days, she wouldn't eat or drink. It got to the point she was so weak my dad and I couldn't assist her anymore so back to the hospital we go. They admitted her for dehyrdation. We thought she was getting better but she still was weak, couldn't urinate, but she was responsive to us. The goal was to get a shunt placed in her head for IT treatment and her oncologist was positive about the treatment so we had to be as well.
Then on Nov 1st I got a call in the morning from the nurse who stated that my mom became unresponsive meaning she wasn't responding to their commands--another head CT it was and still stable as it was 3 weeks ago. They moved her to another floor since the next day she was getting the shunt. My dad said she was sleeping most of the day and he would come back up with me after work. When we go there she was still asleep and I noticed her breathing and mentioned something to the nurse about it--all i got was "yeah we think she is draining nasal fluid so we have her up a bit" to this day I wished I pushed it more.
My dad and I ended up leaving--1 hour later we got the call "We need you to come up here your mom is declining and we need family here". My dad and I raced up there I was scared beyond belief. As soon as we hit the floor we were on we were told she made it and I just dropped to the ground crying. The amount of people on the floor and chaos and the amount of people in the room--we had no idea what just happened. Little did we know we had only 17 hours left with my mom.
We were told she suffered cardiac arrest and they are not sure why. They were able to bring her back on a vent but her status was pretty serious since they were moving her to the ICU. We were told call family and get who needed to be here right away and they wanted to know what they should do if it were to happen again. The whole 2 hours is blur and scary.
When we finally saw mom she was on a vent, had multiple medications going, they were trying to get her blood pressure up. She was stable but they didn't know for how long. My sisters who both lived out of town were able to make it the next morning. My dad and I didn't even sleep but she remained stable throughout the night and I believe she did because she knew my sisters were coming.
Rounds were starting by the doctors and one who had been seeing my mom came in and told us she suffered respiratory arrest and they aren't sure why. They weren't sure of her condition but the neurologist would come in and talk to us. The neurologist came in and confirmed respiratory arrest and the devastating news during that code she had a lack of oxygen to her brain and from the CT she had swelling and severe damage to her brain stem. He stated "if she were to come to from this she wouldn't be who she was and would be required to need 24/7 care". That was when I knew I lost my mom forever. My beautiful strong amazing loving mother passed away on Friday November 2, 2018 at 3:12pm and became my angel in the sky.
If this damn disease caused this, then we need and must find a cure especially for TNBC. What kills me is yes my mom died but she had a PET scan a week prior before her death and she had no other cancer in her body except in the spinal fluid and that lesion. That pisses me off because she was a fighter, she never complained, she was only 63 and this cancer had to spread to a part where there is possibly no hope.
I'm trying to take her death as God planned it this way he knew in some way or form the IT treatment wasn't going to help her and he knew he had to end her suffering. And god's plan can sometimes be good and sometimes leave us heart broken. I'm glad my mom isn't suffering but here I am 37 without a mother. Without my best friend, without my whole heart and with my whole soul. She was my best friend and I depended so much on her in my life --and that is what she wanted to do for her family was provide for us with her love. It's going to be a tough year for me it has already been a tough 3 and half weeks and I know it's not going to get easier anytime soon.
I have to have my faith, my strength, my hope to get through this life and know she is looking down on my guiding me through this with her signs I see on certain days and feeling her love.
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