Tribute for my wife Sara
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Category: TNBC Forums
Forum Name: TNBC Tributes
Forum Description: This is a tribute section on our website to honor members
URL: http://forum.tnbcfoundation.org/forum_posts.asp?TID=11045
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Topic: Tribute for my wife Sara
Posted By: courtice
Subject: Tribute for my wife Sara
Date Posted: Mar 26 2013 at 9:45pm
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I just joined this site and it was suggested that I post a tribute here. Thanks for this opportunity to remember her alongside others who have also passed from TNBC. Here is a eulogy that I wrote and a portrait that I drew for her parents to take home to England with them. The drawing was used at the funeral and on the leaflets for the funeral. ___________________________________________________________________________________ Sara was a remarkable woman who always held her head high and gave endlessly to those around her. Born in Rochdale, England on April 22, 1966, Sara’s father Jim was an entrepreneur who worked at a variety of jobs, from working as a courier to owning his own corner store. Grace, her Mum, was a devoted mother and lifelong confidante, who Sara remained very close with despite the geographical distance between them. Sara had an interesting upbringing – born into a family with some history of military service, and a deep-rooted legacy of Northern English hospitality and humour. Her great grandfather was lost in the WWI Battle of Loos, in France, in 1915. Sara's Great Uncle, Ronnie, fought during the Italian campaign in WWII. Her father Jim would later take part as a gunner of the 65th Heavy Antiaircraft Royal Artillery in the coronation of Queen Elizabeth II. Sara's family loved to go camping quite often, across to France mostly, and sometime to Switzerland, and also around various places in Great Britain. Sara grew up with a large, close-knit extended family that included many aunts, uncles and cousins. Sara had always wanted to work with children, and it was her interest in working with children that first brought her to Canada, back in 1985. She came to work as a nanny for a family in Markham, Ontario. It was only by chance that I first met Sara, in 1987, while she was out at a night-club with a group of other nannies who were also from other countries, most of them also from Britain. She has kept in touch with a number of them, some of whom are here today. The moment I set eyes on her, I knew she was the one for me. She had big, beautiful eyes that projected a gentle warmth and a purity of spirit. I began chatting with her and we conversed so naturally that the night was over as fast as it seemed to begin. For whatever reason though, after getting her phone number from her, I didn't call her back. It wasn't until I saw her again a few weeks later that I realized I better not let her go a second time. This time, she seemed to be playing a little hard to get, probably as payback for not calling her back the first time around. Our courtship was typical, lots of time spent together with friends and beginning to think abut the future. Sara and I came from different backgrounds: I was brought up in a large city and had pretty much stayed where I was my entire life, while Sara had travelled to many places by the time she was 18, including emigrating to Canada. But that didn’t worry us – we complimented each other perfectly. After meeting her family for the first time in 1989 we began to think that perhaps it was time to take the next step. In early 1990 I proposed, and when she accepted, it made me the happiest man alive. I remember how beautiful she looked walking down the isle at the church. She actually told me that she was worried I wouldn't show up, because I was so nervous. I am so thankful and blessed to have shared 22 years of companionship and commitment with Sara. I'll cherish the special moments, the anniversaries, birthdays, holidays and romantic moments, but perhaps even more than that, I'll cherish all the ordinary moments that we may not recall easily, but that add up to a life spent together, the commitment to work through tough times, to stick together in sickness and in health. I will never again take for granted the ordinary things that are a part of people's every day lives, for the sum of all of those is what adds up to a life spent together. Sara was foremost a caring mother. Michael and Madison were the most important people in her life, and even in her final weeks, she told me to make certain that Madison's 16th birthday plans didn't get spoiled because of the circumstances that she found herself in. I truly believe that when I lost my job last April, that it was to enable us to spend more quality time together and to enjoy a period of renewal in our relationship. It breaks my heart when I look at the poster that she had made, which is now hanging in our bedroom. It is a collage of all the things that we were planning to do when we were ready to start anew. The courage that Sara showed was awe-inspiring. I never heard her complain, I only saw in her a steadfast resolve to persevere and to never give in. She may have tired physically, but spiritually, she would not be broken. I will carry her memory in my heart as long as I live. She gave me two wonderful children and 22 years of dedicated companionship and friendship and I will miss her terribly. May you be at peace Sara and God bless you. Sara's friend Heather Qually sent me these words from the Midrash to contemplate. "I am standing on the seashore; a ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength, and I stand and watch her until - at length - she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky come down to mingle with each other. Then someone at my side says, "There! She's gone!" Gone where? Gone from my sight - that is all. She is just as large in mast and hull and spar as she was when she left my side and is just as able to bear her load of living freight to the place of destination. Her diminished size is in me, not in her; and just at the moment when someone at my side says "There! She's gone!", there are other eyes watching her coming and other voices ready to take up the glad shout, "There she comes!" ___________________________________________________________________________________  |
Replies:
Posted By: TriplePositiveGirl
Date Posted: Mar 26 2013 at 9:54pm
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Dear Courtice, Your tribute to your wife is so beautiful. I am so very sorry to read of her passing. I offer my sincerest condolences to you and your family. May Sara rest in eternal peace. Lisa
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Posted By: 123Donna
Date Posted: Mar 26 2013 at 10:06pm
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A beautiful portrait and eulogy. Thank you for sharing and may your loving memories stay close to your heart forever. Donna ------------- DX IDC TNBC 6/09 age 49, Stage 1,Grade 3, 1.5cm,0/5Nodes,KI-67 48%,BRCA-,6/09bi-mx, recon, T/C X4(9/09) 11/10 Recur IM node, Gem,Carb,Iniparib 12/10,MRI NED 2/11,IMRT Radsx40,CT NED11/13,MRI NED3/15 |
Posted By: Annie
Date Posted: Mar 27 2013 at 8:16am
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Norb, Your tribute to your wife is also a very moving and poignant tribute to You. The Love you have for one and other shows forth in beauty and truth and is a testimony to the blessing of what Marriage is meant to be. Thank You...Annie ------------- Annie TNBC Stage IIA Gr 3 1cm lesion 2/5 lymph nodes+ lumpectomy,FEC & D 30Rads finished(08/2009) BRCA- Chronic Cellulitis due to Radiation-- L.Mastectomy Jan 2012 |
Posted By: Lillie
Date Posted: Mar 27 2013 at 8:34am
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Dear Norb,
Thank you for sharing your eulogy and portrait of Sara. She is one of many Warriors who fought a valiant battle. You and she are now a part of this wonderful sisterhood/brotherhood for the ongoing fight to conquer Triple Negative Breast Cancer.
Again, THANK YOU for sharing here. Please post often. I am so sorry for your loss of Sara.
God bless,
Lillie ------------- Dx 6/06 age 65,IDC-TNBC Stage IIb,Gr3,2cm,BRCA- 6/06 L/Mast/w/SNB,1of3 Nodes+ 6/06 Axl. 9 nodes- 8/8 thru 11/15 Chemo (Clin-Trial) DD A/Cx4 -- DD taxol+gemzar x4 No Rads. No RECON - 11/2018-12 yrs NED |
Posted By: Melissa P.
Date Posted: Mar 27 2013 at 4:41pm
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Thank you for sharing memories of your dear wife, so sorry for your loss of Sara. Your portrait of your wife is as beautiful as she was. Healing thoughts, Melissa ------------- "Hope for more Tomorrows" TNBC dx August 2009, Age 41, Stage 2, 2cm, 0 nodes Lumpectomy/ACx4,Taxolx4/33rads Triple Negative Breast Cancer, "I Won't Back Down!" mlsspaskvan.blogspot.com |
Posted By: TNBC_in_NS
Date Posted: Mar 27 2013 at 5:22pm
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Thank you for sharing Sara with us, sisters & brothers. Sounds like you were made for each other! It is so great hearing of your 22 years together, having two wonderful children, so blessed you are! Time heals and the memories never fade. Keep the faith and know that you have sisters & brothers here that can help you on this "new normal journey"..... Helen in NS ------------- Diag@57TNBC04/092.5cm Lquad 05/09 TCx4Radsx30CT03/01/10 FU03/31/10ClearBRCA- 01/2011 RTNBC BMX 06/14/2011~2013 clear |
Posted By: Grateful for today
Date Posted: Mar 27 2013 at 10:55pm
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Norb, Sincere and deep sympathy to you and your family and all Sara's friends. Your eulogy for Sara was so sincere and heartfelt. What a beautiful woman! May her loving and caring spirit encircle and support you now and always. Sara, may you rest in Eternal Love and Peace. Grateful for today............Judy |
Posted By: courtice
Date Posted: Mar 28 2013 at 5:43am
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Thanks to all of you for your kind words and warm reception, I wish that I would've been able to contribute a wonderful story to this site such as 'Snickers' NED thread, but I'll perhaps chime in from time-to-time with updates from my volunteering with the Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation and things like that. Perhaps I could even give updates about Sara's friend, Heather Qually's, own battle with cancer, I'll have to check with her first. I'm not even sure if Heather also has tnbc or another form of breast cancer, but I'll find out. Yes, Sara was a wonderful, beautiful woman and I miss her terribly. I can't seem to pay her enough tributes, lol, she's constantly on my mind. Thanks again all, Norb |
Posted By: SagePatientAdvocates
Date Posted: Mar 29 2013 at 9:33pm
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Dear Norb, what a lovely tribute...thank you for gracing our pages with your beautiful words. You have my sincere condolences. warmly, Steve ------------- I am a BRCA1+ grandson, son and father of women affected by breast/oc-my daughter inherited mutation from me, and at 36, was dx 2004 TNBC I am a volunteer patient advocate with SAGE Patient Advocates |
Posted By: arabella
Date Posted: Apr 05 2013 at 7:58pm
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Dear Norb, Thanks for coming over here and posting such a wonderful tribute and your beautiful drawing of your lovely Sara. I wish I had words of comfort that could magically heal your pain. Hopefully, holding Sara closely in your heart as you are doing will help. I hope you continue to post and share with us as you mentioned above. Wishing you the best in your volunteering with the Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation. I know that there are those who will benefit from your kindness and also from your experience with this disease. Wishing you peace, Kaye ------------- Dx TNBC 1/2013; age 63; 1.1 cm; Stage 1, Grade 1(?); lumpectomy clear margins; ALND -; severe SEs to first TC and treatment stopped; radsX25; BRCA - Recur 6/2015 Mastectomy |
Posted By: courtice
Date Posted: Apr 07 2013 at 2:01pm
| Thanks Steve and Kaye, I really appreciate your kind words, makes me feel much better after having a somewhat emotional day today. The raw emotions come out of nowhere after stretches of doing fine. |
Posted By: courtice
Date Posted: Apr 19 2013 at 11:19pm
Sara's birthday is on Monday, so I posted and ad in the local
paper yesterday and all her co-workers from where she worked are talking
about the ad on Facebook, I'm so glad of that, they can't say enough
kind things about Sara, they really loved her as well. I'm so stoked about that.  |
Posted By: denise07
Date Posted: Apr 20 2013 at 12:28am
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Daer Norb,
What a wonderful tribute for your beautiful wife so very sorry for your loss there is not one word that can express to you how I feel sorry just does not seem to be enough.
God Bless...
Denise ------------- DX Idc 10/07,st2,gr3,2/6 lymphnodes |
Posted By: 123Donna
Date Posted: Apr 20 2013 at 11:26am
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Norb, A beautiful tribute for Sara. I've found that Facebook is a great way for all of us to remember those that have passed. I have several friends that are gone but we can still post on their FB page. It's nice to see they are not forgotten and gives the family comfort in knowing others loved them too. Donna ------------- DX IDC TNBC 6/09 age 49, Stage 1,Grade 3, 1.5cm,0/5Nodes,KI-67 48%,BRCA-,6/09bi-mx, recon, T/C X4(9/09) 11/10 Recur IM node, Gem,Carb,Iniparib 12/10,MRI NED 2/11,IMRT Radsx40,CT NED11/13,MRI NED3/15 |
Posted By: Grateful for today
Date Posted: Apr 22 2013 at 4:00pm
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Norb, Caring thoughts being sent to you and your family today, Sarah's Birthday. May you feel her love and spirit surrounding you today. Grateful for today............Judy |
Posted By: courtice
Date Posted: Apr 23 2013 at 1:38pm
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Thank You Denise, Donna and Judy, your messages mean a lot. I talked to Sara's parents today on the phone and Jim, her father, recalled how 47 years ago they proudly brought her home from the hospital. It must be difficult for parents, perhaps even more so, to lose a child. The cemetery also had the inscription on the niche completed on time for her birthday which was nice as well. I will post a pic of that when I have them available. Thanks again, Norb |
Posted By: courtice
Date Posted: Apr 24 2013 at 6:28am
A picture of the niche and in the other picture, my two kids, Maddy and Michael, on the left, and my bro Ed, and my sister-in-law, Elonda, and my niece, Brianne. Elonda was Sara's closest friend, and has given me a lot of help with all the paper work that needed doing, in addition to having helped to take Sara to treatments and with bathing her, washing her hair and things like that in Sara's last weeks.  |
Posted By: Annie
Date Posted: Apr 24 2013 at 7:51am
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Dear Norb, Thank You for posting. I truly believe that Love does overcome all, how nice that you engraved that on the stone. You could not have done better. It breaks my heart to see the pictures of your daughter and son, it still must be difficult for them. I remember I was 12 when my Father died. You have two wonderful looking children Norb and your brother and his family must be such a source of consolation. Its wonderful that Sara had such a helpful and caring friend in Elonda. Take care of yourself and God Bless...Love, Annie ------------- Annie TNBC Stage IIA Gr 3 1cm lesion 2/5 lymph nodes+ lumpectomy,FEC & D 30Rads finished(08/2009) BRCA- Chronic Cellulitis due to Radiation-- L.Mastectomy Jan 2012 |
Posted By: courtice
Date Posted: Apr 26 2013 at 10:42am
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Thanks so much Annie! I do have a lot to be thankful for, including having spent half my life with someone special and to have a part of her live on in my children as well. All my best to you, I hope all works out for the best! |
Posted By: courtice
Date Posted: Jun 30 2013 at 8:28pm
I finished this rock in acrylic paint and placed it in the front garden beside a hosta that Sara had asked me to plant. The idea for the rock came from Sara's father Jim, and he had been asking me for a while to complete it so I finally did. On another note, I had a good day developing my design work collateral piece for the Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation's "Pink Ribbon" kit, I will post some images of the final piece when it's done.  |
Posted By: Annie
Date Posted: Jun 30 2013 at 8:42pm
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Hello Courtice, Nice to see your post! This is a lovely idea. A very nice way to remember your dear wife Sara. I look forward to seeing what you are creating for the Canadian Cancer Foundation. I have a friend who has a chronic disease and lives not far from you in Pickering, Ont. He paints all kinds of Holy Pictures of the Saints on these types of rocks and gives them to people who make a request for one of their favourite saints whom they have a devotion to. When I saw your post I was quite amazed! God Bless...Love, Annie ------------- Annie TNBC Stage IIA Gr 3 1cm lesion 2/5 lymph nodes+ lumpectomy,FEC & D 30Rads finished(08/2009) BRCA- Chronic Cellulitis due to Radiation-- L.Mastectomy Jan 2012 |
Posted By: courtice
Date Posted: Jul 22 2013 at 9:58am
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Annie, thanks for that. I would be interested in seeing some of his work, does he have a website? Take care, Norb |
Posted By: Annie
Date Posted: Jul 22 2013 at 10:38am
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Hi Norb, He does not have a website. I have to return a call to him and will try and do it this week. I will ask him if you would be able to go over and see his work sometime. I am sure he will only be too glad. He does have MS and is not very well, some days better than others. He lives along the Pickering Parkway up by the Pickering Town Centre. I am sure you would love what you see...I will get back to you but it might not be until next week... He may be able to e-mail you some of his work which may be easier...Take care... Love, Annie ------------- Annie TNBC Stage IIA Gr 3 1cm lesion 2/5 lymph nodes+ lumpectomy,FEC & D 30Rads finished(08/2009) BRCA- Chronic Cellulitis due to Radiation-- L.Mastectomy Jan 2012 |
Posted By: courtice
Date Posted: Dec 16 2013 at 3:31pm
Finally completed the Pink Ribbon Kit for the CBCF. I hope to do more volunteer work for them in the fight against breast cancer. Also, Maddy and I went to the niche on Sunday to share a part of our Christmas
tree and an ornament with Sara. I feel that even though Sara isn't here
physically she is here spiritually.    |
Posted By: Annie
Date Posted: Dec 16 2013 at 9:15pm
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Dear Norb, What beautiful and touching sentiments of Love. A picture speaks a thousand words! Thank You for sharing this. Take care, Love, Annie ------------- Annie TNBC Stage IIA Gr 3 1cm lesion 2/5 lymph nodes+ lumpectomy,FEC & D 30Rads finished(08/2009) BRCA- Chronic Cellulitis due to Radiation-- L.Mastectomy Jan 2012 |
Posted By: Lillie
Date Posted: Dec 16 2013 at 9:55pm
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Dear Norb,
How wonderful to put your emotions into tangible things that honor Sara and help you and your children to heal.
What a wonderful, beautiful tribute.
God Bless and Merry Christmas
Lillie ------------- Dx 6/06 age 65,IDC-TNBC Stage IIb,Gr3,2cm,BRCA- 6/06 L/Mast/w/SNB,1of3 Nodes+ 6/06 Axl. 9 nodes- 8/8 thru 11/15 Chemo (Clin-Trial) DD A/Cx4 -- DD taxol+gemzar x4 No Rads. No RECON - 11/2018-12 yrs NED |
Posted By: courtice
Date Posted: Jul 31 2014 at 10:32pm
A painting I just completed titled "A Rose for Sara". It's from a photo I took of Sara back in 1995. I placed her in a bit of an idealistic setting as a
tribute to her memory. Here she's showing our two-year old son Michael a
black-capped chickadee, hoping it may land on her outstretched finger.
Acrylic on board, 16.75" x 24.5"   Also, another project for the CBCF.  |
Posted By: Annie
Date Posted: Aug 01 2014 at 9:25am
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Hello Norb, You have an incredible talent!!! What a lovely treasure that you have created for your whole family. I hope that everyone is well. Thank You for sharing this with us. It really warms the heart! God Bless. Love, Annie ------------- Annie TNBC Stage IIA Gr 3 1cm lesion 2/5 lymph nodes+ lumpectomy,FEC & D 30Rads finished(08/2009) BRCA- Chronic Cellulitis due to Radiation-- L.Mastectomy Jan 2012 |
Posted By: 123Donna
Date Posted: Aug 01 2014 at 10:51am
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Norb, You have an amazing talent! The picture of Sara is beautiful and captures the essence of her spirit perfectly. Hope you and your family are doing well. Donna ------------- DX IDC TNBC 6/09 age 49, Stage 1,Grade 3, 1.5cm,0/5Nodes,KI-67 48%,BRCA-,6/09bi-mx, recon, T/C X4(9/09) 11/10 Recur IM node, Gem,Carb,Iniparib 12/10,MRI NED 2/11,IMRT Radsx40,CT NED11/13,MRI NED3/15 |
Posted By: SagePatientAdvocates
Date Posted: Aug 01 2014 at 11:36am
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Dear Norb, What a lovely painting of your dear Sara and your son. There is something very, very special about a Mother's love for a child. You can just tell by the way she is holding him that he is protected and will not fall. And you know how she is explaining the bird to him and how she must have read to him and nurtured him in many ways. We are enjoying our two year old grandson, tremendously, so your painting really resonated with me. I am so sorry for your loss. Another lovely woman gone much too early. There is so much work to be done. Thank you for sharing with us. warmly, Steve ------------- I am a BRCA1+ grandson, son and father of women affected by breast/oc-my daughter inherited mutation from me, and at 36, was dx 2004 TNBC I am a volunteer patient advocate with SAGE Patient Advocates |
Posted By: courtice
Date Posted: Aug 01 2014 at 4:04pm
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Thank you all for your kind remarks! It's been a year and a half since Sara passed and in many ways it's been more difficult. I'm hoping that I'll find a new path at some point in time but I will always have a place in my heart for Sara. I would like to give a print of this each to Sara's parents and brothers in the UK when we visit there in a few weeks. |
Posted By: Natalie
Date Posted: Aug 02 2014 at 10:22am
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So lovely, a person can see your heart in this <3 ------------- TNBC stage1 size 1.8, grade3 no nodes 4/11 Lumpectomy 5/11 4cycles DD A/C 4cycles DD Taxol. Double Mastectomy 12/11 BRCA all neg |