TNBC Tributes - Dear Deborah (Debris) is at peace

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Dear Deborah (Debris) is at peace

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Forum Name: TNBC Tributes
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URL: http://forum.tnbcfoundation.org/forum_posts.asp?TID=10546
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Topic: Dear Deborah (Debris) is at peace

Posted By: SagePatientAdvocates
Subject: Dear Deborah (Debris) is at peace
Date Posted: Dec 01 2012 at 8:41am

My dear TNBC Foundation family,

I was informed by Deborah's husband that she passed last night at 7:30 p.m. I had posted, as best I could, on Team Debris but at his request I did not post any details and shall not now except to let you know, with his permission, that she is gone. I am hopeful that he will be willing to provide an obituary when he is ready so we can have more information especially about her services. I know some of you twould like to come if that is acceptable to the family. If it is and the details are kept private but it is o.k. for some here to come, I will let you know via PM. It is also possible that the services will be private which I know we all shall respect.

I was intimately involved with Deborah's care and I can tell all of you that the support and love she received here meant so very, very, very much to her. Thank you on her behalf. The love she felt for all here was obvious in supportive posts to others, even as she struggled. A truly remarkable woman.

In the midst of his grief, Deborah's husband took the time to tell me that he approved of this thread. I am hoping that others will post regarding what Deborah meant to them. I believe it will mean a lot to him.

I just wrote this to our dear friend-

Ode to Deborah

I looked at my email last night and was amazed to see
that I only knew you for a little over 14 months
It seems like a lifetime somehow

From our first interactions

your blithe spirit permeated my soul

and then we met and I saw your incredible courage

and your beautiful compassion and support for others
posting when you own life was so stressful

there was simply an elegance to you

a splendid intelligence and sense of humor

and your giving heart

the three of us were instantly comfortable with each other

like we had known each other forever
your extraordinary DH

his actions defined the word devotion
The support and love you received from him
helped sustain you and me through this ordeal
what a fine, fine man with a giving heart
Thank you for gracing our lives, dear friend
I am comforted that you are at peace
Deborah, I shall always carry you in my heart
with my love, always

Steve

-------------
I am a BRCA1+ grandson, son and father of women affected by breast/oc-my daughter inherited mutation from me, and at 36, was dx 2004 TNBC I am a volunteer patient advocate with SAGE Patient Advocates

Replies:

Posted By: 123Donna
Date Posted: Dec 01 2012 at 12:24pm

Deborah was always such a bright, shining spirit to our TNBC family. I loved her positive attitude and how she always supported everyone here on the forum. I've missed her posts these past few months and knew that it meant she was in the last stages of this battle. Even though we didn't hear much from Deborah during this time, she was always in our thoughts and prayers. May she be at peace and I hope that her family knows how much she meant to all of us here. I truly hate this disease.

Steve, your ode and tribute is beautiful!

Hugs,

Donna

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DX IDC TNBC 6/09 age 49, Stage 1,Grade 3, 1.5cm,0/5Nodes,KI-67 48%,BRCA-,6/09bi-mx, recon, T/C X4(9/09)
11/10 Recur IM node, Gem,Carb,Iniparib 12/10,MRI NED 2/11,IMRT Radsx40,CT NED11/13,MRI NED3/15

Posted By: trip2
Date Posted: Dec 01 2012 at 1:30pm

Oh my heart is breaking to have learned we have lost Deborah. My condolences to her husband and family.

Steve your Ode to Deborah is beautiful, thank you.

-------------
Stage 2 2003
Stage 1 2007
BRCA 1+

Posted By: Lillie
Date Posted: Dec 01 2012 at 4:22pm

I just re-read many of Deborah's posts, all the way back to November 2011. In Nov. of 2011 her sister had visited and she was so elated about the visit. Also, Debris always found time to offer condolence posts when we lost so many sisters to this terrible disease in the past year. I was struck by her capacity to wish others well, when she was suffering so much herself. Her love and caring, for all, really shines through when you read the posts one after the other. She talked about herself and her treatments and her Dear Beloved Husband. But mostly she cared and talked about everyone else.

Steve, It doesn't take any effort to see where you are coming from with the beautiful 'Ode you wrote for Debris. I am so sorry for the loss of your friend. I am sure you were a wonderful addition in her and her husband's life.

I personally have missed and will continue to miss her. May She Rest In The Arms of Jesus Forever.

God Bless

Lillie

-------------
Dx 6/06 age 65,IDC-TNBC
Stage IIb,Gr3,2cm,BRCA-
6/06 L/Mast/w/SNB,1of3 Nodes+
6/06 Axl. 9 nodes-
8/8 thru 11/15 Chemo (Clin-Trial) DD A/Cx4 -- DD taxol+gemzar x4
No Rads.
No RECON - 11/2018-12 yrs NED

Posted By: CindyKS
Date Posted: Dec 01 2012 at 5:04pm

I am very saddened to hear about the loss of Deborah but glad that she is no longer in pain and with our Father in Heaven. May she rest in peace.

Cindy

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Age 42; Dx 4/10; IDC; 2.1cm; lumpectomy; ACx4-taxolx4 every 2 wks; Radx37, BRCA 1/2 neg

Posted By: Grateful for today
Date Posted: Dec 01 2012 at 11:37pm

To Deborah's husband, family and friends .......and our TNBC family,

Sincere sympathy to all on our great loss.
May Deborah's love encircle us and help us in our grief......her love will encircle us forever.

And to Deborah's husband, words can be so inadequate at times like this.
Caring words from the heart to you, Deborah's devoted husband.
You and Deborah....among that group of very special people.......people who love and give
and are life's true treasures.

Grateful for today............Judy

Deborah,

May you rest in eternal peace.
You shall be remembered by all of us who benefited and were enriched by your love and caring.
You taught us so much. You shared so much.
You were and will always be a very special part of our lives.
Much gratitude and love always.

Grateful for today.............Judy

Posted By: btstark2003
Date Posted: Dec 02 2012 at 8:28am

To Deborah's family: We were blessed on this Forum with Deborahs positive attitude honesty and support. She was strong and brave and we will miss her. May you take comfort in believing that she is now blessed with eternal joy and believe that she will never have any pain again.

My deepest condolences,
Beth

-------------
2008 Stg1 TNBC, LX, FEC+T, rads
2010 2.5cm tumor BRCA-, BMX,CMF
2011 LN mets, Gem/Carbo, surgery, rads
2012 lung mets, PI3Ki/taxo
2013 anti-PD-1
2014/15 Xeloda, IMMU-132, eribulin
Aug 2015 Keytruda

Posted By: Annie
Date Posted: Dec 02 2012 at 9:38am

My sincere sympathy to the family of Deborah and especially her husband. It is a great and sad loss. She was a beautiful and strong person indeed. I pray for consolation for all during this time...Love, Annie

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Annie TNBC Stage IIA Gr 3 1cm lesion 2/5 lymph nodes+ lumpectomy,FEC & D 30Rads finished(08/2009) BRCA- Chronic Cellulitis due to Radiation-- L.Mastectomy Jan 2012

Posted By: Charlene
Date Posted: Dec 02 2012 at 11:42am

I feel very sad to learn of Deborah's passing. I can only echo what others have said--Deborah was always so considerate and supportive of others. I too have missed her posts in these last few months. She fought so very, very hard. I pray for peace and healing for her husband and family.

Charlene

-------------
DX 3/10 @59 ILC/TNBC
Stage 1, Grade 2, Multifocal; Lumpectomy/re-excision
SNB 0/4 nodes, BRCA-; Taxotere/Cytoxan X4, 30 rads
3/14:NED

Posted By: nonna1642
Date Posted: Dec 02 2012 at 1:11pm

With deepest sorrow in the passing of your loved one. I will keep you all in my prayers.

2 yr cancer survivor T3 5.1cm, stage IIB N0, M0, chemo TC & radiation, left mastectomy.

Posted By: SagePatientAdvocates
Date Posted: Dec 02 2012 at 4:37pm

Dear TNBC family,

Last night I gave a short speech about TNBC and what our foundation does and also about the link between Inflammatory Breast Cancer (IBC) and TNBC. It seems for reasons unknown, that when a woman has IBC, 30-35% it is TNBC. The converse is not true. I was speaking at the Third International Inflammatory Breast Cancer Conference held in Philadelphia.

I was struggling a bit with my speech, as I was thinking of Deborah, and then I looked up and saw Deborah's oncologist's face in the audience. He is a lovely, lovely man who wears his heart on his sleeve and I saw his sadness and at the same time the warmth he has for me. I had told him earlier in the day of Deborah's passing and he was upset. He fought very hard for her and of course, she and her husband also fought hard.

So, I am not quite sure of the dynamic precisely but I suddenly lost it in front of 200 physicians, nurses, researchers and a few fellow advocates. I guess I sobbed for about 30 seconds (but if felt like 30 hours) and each time I tried to resume the words got caught in my throat and finally I told the audience that I had lost a dear friend the previous night to IBC and I was in a lot of pain. I managed to re-compose myself and got through the speech and there was a huge round of applause and the oncologist got up from his seat and met me when I walked down from the stage and gave me a giant hug which I reciprocated and I kissed him on the cheek.

Many folks have come up to me after the talk and again, today to tell me how moved they were and to thank me for being so open with my emotions. I have told them all what I am about to say "My friend was a lovely, courageous woman and I shall always carry her in my heart."

So, dear Deborah, you shall always be in my heart and I believe your DH and I will remain friends. He told me in an email this morning that he would like today to be a day of rest and I shall, of course, respect that. I am going to send him a link to this thread tomorrow and he will see the beautiful expressions of love and condolence so many of you have sent. I know it will mean a lot to him. As always, this TNBC Foundation is a beautiful place and I am proud to be a member of our family, as you were, Deborah.

with my love to all,

Steve

Posted By: SagePatientAdvocates
Date Posted: Dec 03 2012 at 12:47am

Dear all,

Heard from Deborah's DH and the funeral will be private although there will be a memorial service at some point in the future.

It's now a new day on the east coast so I am sending a link to this thread so that he will awaken with some loving thoughts for Deborah and him.

warmly,

Steve

Posted By: nonna1642
Date Posted: Dec 03 2012 at 1:23pm

Dear Steve,

I know that your dear friend Deborah is watching over you. The stars in the sky are the windows of heaven. So pick your favorate star & every time you see it blinking that means Deborah is looking back at you.

we have to keep up the fight to end all breast cancer including TNBC, IBC besides all the other cancers. I lost a cousin in April to breast cancer coming back in her stomach area, so much for going to the bone or brain like we are told. I had not seen her for several years but we made contact after I contacted TNBC in 2010 and then we would meet for lunch once a month for a year until she got sick. I miss those lunches that we shared if even for a short time. I don't know if I am a BRCA canidate or not or even if it is feasible to have it checked at my age of 72. I do worry about my granddaughter who is 20 who has both grandmothers who have had breast cancer.

My cousin's sister & my cousin & another cousin both died from lung cancer. My brothe had prostrate cancer but he did not die from that, he died from a massive heart atttack.

My cancer was diagnosed from a nuclear stress test at my cardiologist's office. in 2010. I had a breast biopsy in 1992 which I guess was beign but I have always had abnormal mammograms ever since. I always had my mammograms every year up until 2007 when I missed 2 years. There was a new opicity in my 2007 mammogram from 2006 & they did a ultrasound that they said was a beign cyst. I missed my mammogram in 2008 due to being out of town & in 2009 because of the death of my brother & about getting over confident because they said it was beign . I learned a very important lession not to get over confident.

Sincerely,

Barbara(Nonna)

Left breast mastectomy March 2010, T3 5.1cm, Stage IIB TNBC, N 0/3 Sentinal nodes, M 0, Adujvent chemo of TC and then radiation.

Posted By: Annie
Date Posted: Dec 03 2012 at 6:19pm

Steve, If more men were like you the world would be a much much better place. Thanks for being real! My heart goes out to the husband of Debris and all her family members once again. We view our oncologists sometimes as just Dr's overseeing our care but we forget until just now that their patients and their cancers have its affects on them as well...take care...Love, Annie

-------------
Annie TNBC Stage IIA Gr 3 1cm lesion 2/5 lymph nodes+ lumpectomy,FEC & D 30Rads finished(08/2009) BRCA- Chronic Cellulitis due to Radiation-- L.Mastectomy Jan 2012

Posted By: rmichaels
Date Posted: Dec 03 2012 at 11:07pm

I'm so sorry for you loss Steve. You do such good work on here and for all. I don't know how you do it but some how you do! One day at a time.

Rach

-------------
Mom dia 8/11 with IIb - IV by 11/11 with mets on liver. 17 rounds Taxol/Carbo then Taxotere, Cisplatin + Vinorelbine, 2 tx of Doxil, Xeloda all unsucessful. 10/12/12 Hospice @ home. Passed 11/7/12.

Posted By: SagePatientAdvocates
Date Posted: Dec 06 2012 at 9:55am

Dear TNBC Foundation family,

Deborah's husband has authorized me to let all of you know that his beloved Deborah was cremated yesterday and a Memorial Service will be held tomorrow.

He has approved this post.

warmly,

Steve

The priest read some prayers and psalm 23. She ended with “In the evening”.

O Lord, support us all the day long, until the shadows lengthen, and the evening comes, and the busy world is hushed, and the fever of life is over and our work is done. Then in thy mercy, grant us a safe lodging, and a holy rest, and peace at the last. Amen

DEBORAH

03/09/1954 -- 11/30/2012

Deborah was born in Vereeniging, South Africa and had four siblings,

In 1983 she married Stuart, and they relocated to the USA in 1987. She became a US Citizen in 2009.

Deborah attended a Convent School in her junior years and finished school at the Johannesburg Commercial High.

She qualified as an Accountant with a degree from the S.A. Institute of Management and obtained an MBA from the Wits Business School at the University of the Witwatersrand. She also obtained a Masters Degree in Business Philosophy from Somerset University. Deborah distinguished herself on various accounting boards and executive committees.

Deborah loved sailing and was licensed for Coastal Sailing both in the USA and South Africa.

Deborah enjoyed travel and visited countries in Britain, Europe, the Middle East, Africa, and

North / Central / South America.

Deborah was a member of the Anglican Church in South Africa, and joined a Episcopal Church in 1989 where she was a Eucharistic Minister, a member of the Altar Guild, and Treasurer twice.

In addition to her husband and remaining siblings, she leaves behind Max (a Springer Spaniel) and Monty (a German Shepherd)

Posted By: Lillie
Date Posted: Dec 06 2012 at 12:16pm

Dear Steve,

I thank Stuart for allowing you to personalize Deborah's service and her life for us sisters and brothers here on the TNBC site.

It really gives me more insight into who she was and it goes without saying; We loved her and will miss her.

God Bless,

Lillie

Posted By: nonna1642
Date Posted: Dec 08 2012 at 4:05am

My deepest sympathy is with Stuart and the rest of Deborah,s family. May they find comfort in that she is at peace with the Lord.

Barbara

Dx 2/10 age 70 frm nuclear stress test at Cardiologist's ofc.

3/10 Ultrasound Breast biopsy TNBC

5/10 Lft. Mastectomy, no reconstruction, TNBC Stage IIB 5.1cm, Grade 3 N0. M0

6/10 - 9/10 chemo of TC

9/10 - 10/10 Radiation

Posted By: DianeEE
Date Posted: Dec 15 2012 at 2:55pm

I was so saddened and upset when I read about Deborah's passing. I had the privilege of meeting Deborah and her husband in Philadelphia when we were both there for treatment. We have some similarities in our diagnosis and it was nice to talk to someone who shares some of the same challenges I am facing. She so kindly reached out to me and suggested that we meet in person. I was struck by her grace even when she was struggling. Stuart was their by her side supporting her in every little way he could. I felt so lucky to have met both of them and enjoyed our conversation immensely.

Steve, I know that you were close with Deborah and I know, from working with him, that her oncologist was probably very upset as well. He and you are certainly special, special people to give your support to all of us patients. I feel extremely lucky to have you both on my "team" of people to call on when I need help and support.

My heart goes out to you and her husband and to all of the people touched by her. She will forever hold a special place in my heart.

Diane

-------------
DX 11/2010 age 43,BRCA2+,6 rounds TAC,bx mast/ovary removal 5/2011,TNBC tumor 5.1 cm,02/14 nodes positive,37 rads,Cisplatin&PARP trial.Recurrence 2/2012,TN IBC,Abraxane didn't work, Ixempra & Xeloda