I am giving up

Dear Autumn,

I, too, want to encourage you not to give up...

I, further, also want you to try and do what seems impossible, as you mentioned and that is to get your records together...have someone help you
if you must and go to a major cancer center in Boston or N.Y. and seek another opinion.

Seeing three oncologists in the same office is not the same thing as a new facility putting new eyes/perspectives on your situation.

The two I would recommend are Dana Farber in Boston and Memorial Sloan Kettering in NY.

I know you are exhausted, fed-up etc. etc. and I understand why you feel that way and totally respect why you do. Nevetheless, this is your life and a new medical oncologist may have a different perspective, have access to a clinical trial that your current physicians don't have.

You could be receiving the best medical advice on the planet now...I am not saying you are not nor am I criticizing anything that has been done.

Please try to gather up your strength and go to a NCCN hospital that is up-to-date on everything...and I am not saying your 3 oncologists are not but the world of a NCCN institution may offer a different perspective for you..

You are blessed with a long-term partner who clearly loves you and a granddaughter and a marvelous dog....and as you can see there are many folks here who care about you.

We are writing to encourage you because we have seen the unexpected..
My daughter telling me recently that she took a two mile swim...when I was with her as she went through chemo she could barely get to her bed to go to sleep..

There are no guarantees here but giving up hope does not help you in my opinion. I know you are struggling but please dig deep...maybe your dear partner can help you put your records together..can help you make phone calls to make appts. get stuff organized for you and yes it is all a giant pain in the butt....however the alternative truly sux...you impress me as a woman with too much love and courage in you to just call it a day...

I think you want to have more good days with your partner, your granddaughter, and yes, your dog...and you may have to go through many awful days first..but there may be a light at the end of the tunnel and a new pair of eyes may be the key to a different plan for you..

please try your best to find the joy in each day..it's out there and yes, somedays it may be almost impossible to find..but maybe it's there and you overlooked it?...maybe somedays it is just the wag of your dog's tail when s/he sees you...maybe it's an aria, maybe a short story, maybe just a line of poetry, maybe just a short warm I love you from your partner. savor what you can and try to be positive..

we are all here for you...keep posting and folks will respond as they have recently...of that I am sure...

in your corner,

Steve



Edited by steve - Sep 05 2009 at 11:25am

Steve, My oncs work with Sloan...  they are not affiliated with them, but they are on the phone with them and share patients histories for 2nd opinions, mind you ... my new path wont be in until Tuesday or Wed,,  and the PET/CT will be sometime next week, so we wpon't know all the details for at least a week or so...

Autumn, have your doctors checked your vitamin D levels?  It is becoming standard to check it for breast cancer patients.

MsBliss and Autumn
Don't get too down about putting all your medical files together. I know exactly what you two have gone thru, including the depression. I was literally butchered during my mast. Some how my left elbow was broken and my right rotator cuff torned, both requiring more surgery. I also developed 2 infections requiring teo more surgeries, the wrong implants were placed and had to be removed, more surgery, the 1st PS, also screwed up on my fills, the expander slide under my arm, he continued to fillit, yep - more surgery to remove the stretched skin. (bottom line 10 surgeries in 2 years.)
Now I am getting ready to sue and absolutely have to get all these medical reports in order to present to an attorney. (I am no longer in practice but would want to touch this case). Some days I just want to cry, but have no more tears left. In fact this weekend, I am going to paint the kitchen, to avoid working on this task all weekend.
We are here for you, Autumn, and may God bless you and watch over you, Jean

Brenda, there is no reason for you to be "out."  I think you just misunderstood our responses to Autumn, who clearly doesn't want to die, but also doesn't want to continue living on ugly nasty treatments with no freaking guarantee of anything.  

Autumn, the hospital I go to has a little cottage that has 5 rooms, they are $15 a night per room. Perhaps there is something like that they can make available to you.

Autumn, wow.  I didn't know they do massage.  Is it covered by insurance?  Anyway, if you aren't into it--then don't do it.  But the supplements, you need to hear what they have to say.  It can help turn the corner in conjunction with medical intervention, and it can make the recovery from any treatment easier.

You may not qualify for government aid, but the bc organizations provide small grants and little doses of aid to help the "working poor".  Check them out.  

CarynRose, thank you for your response.  if I lived near a CTCA I would be there in a heartbeat.  The place sounds amazing.  Massage, wow.  Every visit to my naturopath is about $150, and the supplements are incredibly expensive.  Sounds like the office visit is covered, but I'm guessing the supplements are a separate cost?  

Autumn, here is a short section of transport and lodging aid available.  It is from the Susan G Komen website:  There are so many places to check, the following list is just a partial, but the central listing at will provide more of other types of assistance.

http://ww5.komen.org/BreastCancer/FinancialResources.html

Transportation Assistance

American Cancer Society’s “Road to Recovery”
Provides local transportation to and from cancer treatments.
800-ACS-2345 (800-227-2345)
www.cancer.org

Air Charity Network
Provides air travel to treatment centers.
877-621-7177
www.aircharitynetwork.org

CancerCare
Offers financial help for diagnostic work-up, transportation to and from treatment and childcare when a parent is having tests or treatment. Provides information about specific prescription drug assistance programs.
800-813-HOPE (800-813-4673)
www.cancercare.org

Corporate Angel Network
Provides air travel to treatment centers.
866-328-1313
www.corpangelnetwork.org

National Patient Air Travel HELPLINE
Provides air travel to treatment centers.
800-296-1217
www.patienttravel.org

Raquel’s Wings for Life
Provides air travel to treatment centers.
940-627-1050
raquelswingsforlife.com

Lodging Assistance
American Cancer Society’s Hope Lodges
Provide lodging for families during cancer treatment.
800-ACS-2345 (800-227-2345)
www.cancer.org/docroot/subsite/hopelodge

Ms. Bliss,

Edited by CarynRose - Sep 06 2009 at 2:24pm