which was the hardest for you to cope with?

The waiting for answers on everything was close to the top of the list.  The Very tip top of the list is held both by dealing with an incompetant non-tn savvy oncologist and facing my BRCA+.  The reality that this is not over, and my children may have to deal with this someday really sucks!  I have no family history, I have heard so many BRCA+ stories of families that are overcome with trauma and loss due to this horrid disease.  And now I am the beginning of that trauma in my family.  I got it from my mother, but she is a previvor.  My children were 11,12,and 13 when I was dx.  It has changed all of our lives forever.  They don't talk about it but every appointment I have, they worry.  I have to make it very clear when it is just a hair appointment, haha.  My daughter is the worst.  She deals with this by blocking it out.  Any time I do anything publicly like advocacy work, she is mortified.  She just wants to put it away.  I have to give back so I don't focus on my fear so I keep my BC public a lot.  Needless to say, we butt heads often.  I guess if it wasn't this, it would be something else, thats what mothers and daughters do at this age.  Its my job to embarass her.  Anyway, I digress...  This has just changed my whole family dynamic is the point I was making.  I hope when my children are older there is a vaccine to prevent.