CarynRose

Dearest Love,

Today marks the 51st anniversary of your coming into my life, although it took another 39-40 years after that for us to realize it. And tomorrow will mark 6 months since you physically left it.
As many people on FACEBOOK have reminded me today, there are so many memories of you to be cherished. If not for you, I would probably still be in a small condo in Garfield, working in the very impersonal Northern NJ offices. And with their realignment I might have even wound up off the window and back on nights-Yuck! I never would have cruised, or seen Singapore or Israel (Business Class, no less) nor made trips to Vegas. It's unlikely that I would have ever seen Cooperstown or gotten back to Amherst if you weren't there in my life. And these are just the trips. There would be no nice home in R'ville, no job in Kingston, no Rosie, no friends and family that I have gained. All our silly sngs and words that we shared, the IMs across a restaurant table, all the little things would never have existed. And though I sorely miss them now, they are, along with everything else that is you, a treasured memory.
I probably do not need to tell you how depressed and sullen I have become, nor how much I have withdrawn from life (In spite of your warning against such behavior...go 'head, haunt me). I bypassed the wedding earlier this year and have turned down invitations to Harry's (4 Jul) and to the Cousins' BBQ. I'm just not up to it. I know I will be supported there...held and hugged, but there's a part of me that will know that I am the unmatched sock in the drawer. Even if no one else feels that way, I know me and I know I will. You're going to have to trust me on this...for now. I grew up pretty much as a loner, mostly through my own doing, and there is some comfort there for me. As with just about everything else in our life together, I will not see the 'rightness' of your way until much later and, of course, I will regret not having listened to you earlier, but that has always been the pattern for us...and so it continues.
Meanwhile, I hear and see constant reminders of you...that silly 'Kars for Kids' radio spot, your favorite colors in the sunset, a movie we liked (Shawshank Redemption was on again last night). I chuckle and smirk a bit when these things happen and then the tears well up in my eyes, just as they are now. And I guess you've passed on your gift of recognizing actors in other roles, because I find myself more able to do that now than I used to be. Still, the house and my life are lonely empty places, especially once Rosie and I come home from work (well not her). And I have more drama coming up from the South, which unfortunately involves he whom we all despise...long story. And because of him, Melissa and her Mom are at odds again...what else is new?
I haven't had the heart to take your FB page down, nor have I changed my status....I am still listed as 'Married to Caryn Rosenblum Rosenberg'. Perhaps after my next set of bereavement sessions, which begin 12 Jul, I will be able to change it, but for now...let it be. I miss you so much, my darling, and there are lots of posts on your page from others who do as well. We only had 11 years together, but it filled me with a lifetime of love and joy, of happiness and good times shared, of memories that can never be taken from me...that will never fade.

I miss you so much sweetheart....Party hearty up there today and watch over us while we try and move on.

Always and Ever
Bo