Vent-Why do people stare????? |
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trip2 
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Joined: Jun 03 2007 Location: Under Palm Tree Status: Offline Points: 8549 |
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 Topic: Vent-Why do people stare?????Posted: Jul 07 2007 at 12:21pm |
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I would like to know why people stare at me wearing a turban. I have no hair because of chemo as we all understand it and I think
most people, I thought, pretty much understood that but where ever I go
people double take, outright stare at me like I am some kind of creature, or maybe a terroist!! I have no idea what is in their minds but it irritates me. Maybe I should just stick my tongue out at them.
 Now one reason maybe I am experiencing this is because I live in a very rural area, the closest town which has 2 stoplights will give you a good idea of what we're talking about here. Maybe in the big cities people are busy going their way and don't even give it a second thought.
If I were to wig of course it would fix the problem but I tried that the first time I had cancer and I did not like it, the little doo rags and earrings are cute on the younger gals, turbans are just the most comfortable for me until I can get back in the house. I don't go much right now anyway, it just irritates me.
Thank you gals for letting me get this off my flat chest.
 I do feel better so I'll get off my soapbox. I do wish I could think of something clever to retort to those who can't seem to turn their heads and get on w/their business. |
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Stage 2 2003
Stage 1 2007 BRCA 1+ |
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lucky
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Joined: Jun 17 2007 Status: Offline Points: 107 |
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Posted: Jul 07 2007 at 1:39pm |
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I know how you feel. When strangers stared at me - I stared them right back square in the eye, and gently told them " I have cancer."They then stared at the Floor and sheepishly said " I'm sorry to hear that - I hope you'll be okay."
I was driving my car and recently got stuck on the road. While waiting for roadside assistance - a cop pulled up behind me with sirens and lights flashing. He came over to the passenger side - and said - " Sir - are you having a problem?" I smiled and politely said - I'm not a Sir - I'm a woman.
He stammered and stuttered and then said - I'm really sorry - I thought you were a guy because of the very short hair. I said - I have cancer- and because my blouse was unbuttoned a bit - I said " see. I am still experiencing the radiation burn." Immediately - he said - " is there anything I can do to help you - it's awfully hot today - can I get you some cold water from my cooler?From the very beginning of my diagnosis - and as I started to look kind of lousy from the chemo - I realized that I was going to let as many people as I could - know that I had cancer so that they would realize that this dreaded disease is everywhere. I try and bring awareness wherever I can.
I used to avoid making eye contact with people who stared at me, I was the one looking down at the floor - but - once I told them what I had ( without them even asking ) it was they who realized they were staring. Cancer changes the lives of everyone around you - but I found out that if you can be proud of yourself for what you are going thru -strangers will actually realize that they need to be humble and kind to those of us who are on this particular path.
I actually think that once these strangers said things like " I hope you'll be okay, or I know you'll be alright - just stay positive .... etc. "
They felt better about themselves also.
Hope this kind of attitude works in your town trip. Let us know, Please.
In the beginning I was angry at people for staring at me - Now I'm not angry at all because I realize that alot of people just Need to hear someone Proudly say " I've got cancer."
There is no shame in not being well - for now.
Edited by lucky - Jul 07 2007 at 1:43pm |
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I have: "Glycogen Rich Clear Cell Carcinoma of the Breast." Does Anyone else have this Rare form of breast cancer ???
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Joan2844
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Joined: Jul 03 2007 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 163 |
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Posted: Jul 07 2007 at 2:19pm |
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I completely agree with Lucky.... I don't think people stare out of rudeness, it is more that they don't know what to say. Many suspect that you have cancer (turbins are common), but they're afraid to say anything. I can't believe the number of people who would see me at school/church who would talk to me and never mention the cancer; once we got home, my husband would tell me the exact same people asked him how I was doing. Why couldn't they ask me? I don't know. People are just afraid of saying the wrong thing. Try to say a prayer for them, and also for yourself when you encounter people who stare.
Best to you! |
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9/06 Stage2B. Pos Nodes; Neg BRAC; TAC/Lumpectomy/Rads/Xeloda.
4/08 Local Recurrence; Mast w/ Latissimus Flap;Taxol/Gemzar/Carbo. Zometa. NED since May 2008 :-) www.wow-matt14.blogspot.com |
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trip2
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Joined: Jun 03 2007 Location: Under Palm Tree Status: Offline Points: 8549 |
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Posted: Jul 08 2007 at 4:50am |
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Thank you Joan and Lucky for your good advice. Guess I needed a little uplift and you have given me that. You are both so very right. I am not ashamed of my situation but don't want to feel like some kind of freak walking around either.
Lucky what a funny story about you and the cop. You sure put him in his place, good for you.
 My hubby and I were talking about this yesterday and he said just look at them and say chemo, cancer and we had some fun thinking of things to say. He notices the people staring too.
Thanks again to both of you for writing,
big hug,
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Stage 2 2003
Stage 1 2007 BRCA 1+ |
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