BrendaF

Mary,

Thanks for letting us know.  I'll be praying for her and her family.

Donna

It breaks my heart to hear about Brenda.  I will always remember her sense of humor and pithiness as well as her stubborness for life.  She and I travelled similar paths and I consider her one of my inspirations and mentors.  I wish her peace, an easy passing, and comfort for all those who love her.

Hey, I thought I'd post Greg's last post on Brenda's blog (early March, after she stopped being able to communicate easily but before this most recent decline).  It is just stunning, and will give those of you who haven't been fortunate to get to know her an idea of the kind of person she is, and what her family is like.   Be prepared to cry.

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Sunday, March 7

Bunny

This is a note from Greg, Bunny's husband, and may be the last post on this site. Bunny can no longer organize her thoughts to be able to communicate the lovely, knowing insights and anecdotes that her previous postings contained due to the progression of her disease. Now, she and I take our pleasure where we can. Fried chicken for dinner. Biscuits made by her recipe. Laughter. Sushi at home. Holding hands in the bed while watching TV. Talking sweet to each other, and enjoying each other's company the best that we still can.

Life is a predetermined tragedy because it must always end in death. For some, that final act is delayed until the point that it has run out of love, or meets up with pure exhaustion. For others, it comes unwelcome in the midst of what might have been the golden years. We have been luckier than most. We have fine, strong sons who have all met and managed to make couples with wonderful women. They have become the type of men that anyone could wish for: strong, intelligent, kind, caring and proud. Not proud in a destructive, self centered sense, but the pride that comes from doing important things, raising fine children and supporting others in the best ways that they can. They love their mother, and long to find some way to help her through this condition, to somehow make everything better; and are saddened with the knowledge that, try as they might, at this point there is nothing more anyone can do. Medical science, bah! For all of the advances that we have made, all of the progress and extension of life, we still have no notion of what causes or how to cure this terrible disease. And cancer treatment is mostly voodoo. We exorcise the demon with surgery, and then try to poison the body to a level just short of killing the patient in the hope that the cancer will die first. For the lucky, sometimes it does. But in the case of the triple negative breast cancer patients, that is seldom the case.

But please don't take my rant for ingratitude. Bunny and I have been the beneficiaries of some of the best treatments and care available. The Cleveland Clinic, for all of its flaws, has provided us with world class care at every step of the process. Great doctors, caring nurses and exceptional emotional support. And the hospice care that she now has is the best, most caring and supportive that anyone could ever imagine for this type of situation. Thanks everyone, Bunny and I know that you've tried your best, and we feel lucky to have been the beneficiaries of your efforts.

I know that my writing can never match the level that Bunny has shown in the pages that she has written on this site. I went back through some of the pages rather quickly the other evening, looking for the biscuit recipe. I stopped several times along the way. Every post is beautiful and enlightening. They all capture the best essence of human emotion and insight, and I'll be sure to keep copies for her grandchildren. But it feels like someone should add the final chapter to this story, and it must fall to me.

So here is to a life greatly lived. From the drafty old farm house that we shared in the mountains of Southwest Virginia, to our current little nature preserve on the North coast of Ohio and including the many twists and turns and outright rotations in between, I have, and still do love this woman. She as been a wonderful mother, a fine and talented artist and a great partner. She is the smartest woman I ever met. She has inspired me to do many wonderful things that I know I would never have done without her. She is my muse.

She is my proton and I am her electron. The proton and the electron form the basis for all matter, and by extension, all things, living and not. The interaction between the two creates time, matter and all of the beauty around us. Hydrogen is the most common element in the universe, and it consists only of the immortal dance between the proton and the electron. Always attracted, but almost never touching, except for maybe a kiss now and then. And sometimes, in the bowels of the stars, the two become one, and it is the merging of the them that creates the unstable, yet necessary and charge balanced neutron and in the process of becoming one, engenders the energy that we call light; that elusive phenomenon that can travel the breadth of the universe, yet has no mass or true substance. It is the love of the proton for the electron, and vice-versa, that creates everything that we know and feel.

And so, this is my dedication to you, my darling. May the love that you have shown and shared stand out like the white hot light from a bright young star. Let that love be propagated in the love of your progeny, to go forth like the ripples in a pond and touch the countless others that you could never reach. Let that love help us to one day understand that we are, in fact, all interconnected and that the suffering of one is a tragedy for us all. And may you find peace, beauty and contentment.



And in keeping with the theme of this blog: Daddy's Pan Fried Chicken

As with most recipies, the trick is in the preparation, and so it is with pan fried chicken. First, put the meat in a bath of warm, salty water. This is especially good if the chicken is still a little bit frozen, because the warm water will nicely complete the thaw. You should use a lot of salt at this phase because it will not penetrate the meat too much and a high salt content will kill the bad bacterias while you brine. I like about a tablespoon or more per gallon. This process should be started at least 4 hours before you intend to fry, and 6 hours would be better.

Once you are about 1 - 2 hours preceding frying you need to add the breading. I favor a simple flour mix. Get a large plastic bag. One of the zipping type is the best, but any relatively heavy, water tight bag will do. Drain and rinse the chicken and let it stand for a few minutes. Put enough flour in the bag to cover the chicken. I know that this is a little vague, but too much just means that you have a little left to throw away and too little just means that you neeed to add more, so there's very little penalty for not judging correctly the first time.

Add seasoning and spices to taste to the flour in the bag and mix by tossing. I like to add fresh ground pepper in addition to salt, and other dried spices (11 herbs and seasonings!) would be best to add at this point too, but I generally tend to keep it simple for chicken. Put the chicken in the bag and shake until all of the chicken is well covered with flour. Shake it again in a half hour. And again, letting it stand for at least 15 minutes after the last shake.

Now is the time to heat up the oil. Put about 3/8 - 1/2 inch in the pan. While I don't believe that the type of oil makes much difference, as long as it's clean, the pan does. Cast iron is really the only choice. Since the cast iron is so heavy, it moderates the heat well, and allows you a great deal of flexibility in the heating process. Once you get the temperature up, you can cut the heat way down low once you put in the chicken and just kind of see how the boiling settles, adding in more heat as required.

Real cooks measure the temperature of the oil with these specialized tools called thermometers. I do not. I look for the oil to get kind of shimmery and to start to smell hot before I put in the chicken. My guess is that that's about 350 degrees. You want to keep the chicken frying vigorously, but not burn it or the oil. Constant attention is best. Oh, and before you start, get one of those screen things that will cover your cast iron pan. They come in both screened and woven metal strip models, but will save you an ocean's worth of cleaning supplies. The open mesh lets the steam through and not the oil that would otherwise be popping out of the pot.

I cook until the bird pieces look done enough, and have the right feel (I use tongs, not my fingers). They should look golden brown and should still feel squishy below the crunch when you pick them up with the tongs. If it's golden on the outside, the chances are, its done. It's important to leave enough room around each piece in the pan, so it will usually require more than one batch. If this is the case, then put a rack on a baking sheet in the over and set it for way low. If your oven does not havce a setting below 200 degrees, turn it off when it gets up to temperature. After drying cooked parts on a paper towel, put the chicken on the rack in the oven until serving.

The amount of flour that you were able to coat the chicken with will determine the thickness of the coating, but with this method you can get a nice crunchy piece that is tender and juicy inside and cooked to a tee. This technique works well for chicken livers and gizzards, too, but I'm not sure how many others are fond of that delicacy. Just use the same techniques, but much less oil.

I made it last night, served with skin-on mashed potatoes and steamed asparagus, and it all came out just right. My baby said that she wanted fried chicken, and she made sure that I cooked plenty.

Bless you for letting us know about Brenda's life with you and the children!

The love Greg and Brenda show for each other is an inspiration. I hope they will continue to find comfort in that love these next days and weeks.