I am giving up

Dear Autumn,
You are currently in shock.  Also, you don't have the results of your biopsy yet, so you don't really know what you are dealing with.  It could be scar tissue, or something benign.  It could also be breast cancer with different receptors (and different treatment options). There is no need to make an immediate decision - you can mull it over a while, cry with your family and friends, and create space in your heart for whatever's coming.   Opting out of conventional treatment, if you decide to do that, is not the same as throwing in the towel.  You can do alternative things, like focus on bolstering your health with good food, fun, yoga or dance, and such.  If it does turn out to be cancer, you can treat it locally with radiation and/or surgery, and forgo systemic therapy.  You could do local treatment and add something systemic, but not the whole kitchen sink.  You could do something milder, like Xeloda or Xeloda and Avastin or add Zometa.  There are lots of possibilities. 

How old are you?  Do you have kids/grandkids?   What do you enjoy?  What makes life worthwhile for you?

No matter what path you take, we are here for you.

Love,
Denise

I've had some nasty stuff happen this week as well and I keep trying to remind myself that things could be worse, my onc could enroll me in a trial down in Brazil testing tick spit to fight cancer. (Hope you didn't miss the post on that last week or you'll wonder what in the world I'm talking about)

Dear Autumn,

Dear Autumn,

Please do not give up hope even if you decide to give up on conventional medication. Do not underestimate the power of positive thinking. Coupled with proper low fat diet, moderate (9 hour a week) exercise and yoga, you CAN beat this disease into remission.

Love,

Autumn,

There you have it.... You have named many many reasons to put your pink boxing gloves on and fight like a girl!

Lift your pretty little head up, think about all the great memories that you & Jenn still have to make for your granddaughter. ( "I remember going to grandmas house and it always smelled so good"....."my grandma makes the best ____? " ...etc..)

We can all get down at times, but for me it was not really ever an option as I have 4 beautiful grandchildren that I choose to wear them pink boxing gloves for.

The poem you posted says so much...and from a 2 x survivor!!! That in itself is an abundance of inspiration & hope.   

We are all here for you....please don't hesitate to send a PM if you ever would like to talk one on one. I will be happy to give you my # or would be happy to call you. ( Gotta love unlimited minute plans!!)

Next time I see you, I want to see that pretty little chin lifted up :)   It's so becoming of you !!

Much love & big huggzzzz

Dawn

Autumn, When I was feeling like you are, my daughter asked me if I wouldn't like to live to see my grandson graduate high school.  You have your little granddaughter.  Think of another birthday or starting first grade or more hugs and kisses.  Tomorrow my husband and I are driving two hours to see our grandson run in a cross country race.  The sky will be blue, the air will be soft and warm, and I will be alive to enjoy it.  I won't be thinking about what lies in the future.  I have truly learned to live for the day.  You can get there too. 

I'm so sorry you're in this situation. I hope the oncs prove to be wrong. If they're right, I wish you all the best in finding the right way to manage your condition, whether that includes traditional meds, alternative, lifestyle changes, or nothing at all.

Hugs, Julia

Autumn, I don't blame you for feeling this way. 

There is a beautiful songbird outside my window as I type this.  We don't have a great variety of songbirds in the area where I live, so every single one is a jewel to me.  She looks like she is stressed--it has been a hard summer.  No good sources of food, wildfires everywhere and smoke, triple digit heat and smog, predators of all sorts, well fed house cats, ravens, raptors, raccoons, avian flu.  All she wants is to survive and thrive with her family.

She is you. 

I am going to go outside and refresh the bird bath, put special mix outside in a safe place to nourish her and wish her godspeed from my heart.

Recipe for special mix:

This special recipe is a menu list of evidence based anti cancer protocols enumerated at this link: 

http://nosurrenderbreastcancer.websitetoolbox.com/post?id=3639606&trail=20#2

READ IT.  In it, you will see a glimpse of hope.  It will empower you to take your health in your own hands, to feel that part of the remedy is not necessarily only in a syringe, but maybe in a multi faceted approach.

Also, read Constantine's analysis of the state of the art in chemo options; there is much for you to ponder.  Like Denise said, there are milder chemo options to consider, if you even need them; and there is an ongoing PARP trial that may be a good fit for you.   

This is a stupid battle.  All you want to do is banish this nasty cell and live your life.  This is what we all want and we want it for each other.  It is not contingent on your attitude or your positivity.  If you feel completely negative about all this insanity than you are more reasonable than you realize.  Be pissed.  Be negative.  Give up, even.  Regroup, then come back swinging.

I did not feel from reading Autumn's posts that she has "decided" to just give up.  Re-read them and perhaps you will see for yourself.  I can only speak for myself; however, I feel the other posters also felt after reading her post that is that she is at a crossroads and could also be very depressed, which would be a very normal reaction to where she is right now.  Nobody has "criticized" her in any post and I would like you to show me just where that has happened.  We are extending our hands to someone in need. I do not feel that, with the beautiful poem she has written and felt important enough to reprint in her post, that she has made a definite choice in what her desires are.  I see someone that has struggled very hard to fight this beast, only to have heard more bad news - the plight of any one of us.  To come down on people that are extending support to someone that is very obviously hurting is totally unnecessary.  It most certainly is Autumn's perogative to decide which direction she wishes to take, and we would all certainly respect her choice; however, I don't believe anyone of us has read that from her post. 

Autumn
I have been fighting TNBC for 2 years, and just had my 10th surgery. (over 25 in my lifetime) Thank God, it was only scar tissue and not cancer.

However I am still sweating out my next CT/PET/Bone scans,in 2 months. I have been having them every 6 months. This will be my 6th (5th?) not sure - think 6th - set of scans.

My last scans showed lesions in my kidney, thryroid, sinus, mastoid, an area behind one eye, spinal activity, and a number of mini-strokes. My Onc in not concerned but my eye Dr is - he fears the BC may have spread to one of my eyes. (I am blind in one eye, and the area he's concerned with - of course - is my sighted y=eye)

I will be undergoin my 3rd "procedure" on my spine Sept 11th. The previous procedures have been only to inject pain killers into my spine, first cortizone, second I forgot what he used, this time the surgeon will be burning my nerve endings to help with pain.

My life over the last 2 years has not been pleasant, but then it's not for anyone fighting cancer (My son has been fighting cancer also for the last 3 years). Lost my hair with chemo, just as it started to grow, lost it again with more chemo. It has taken 18 months to have my 2 inches of kicky unmanagable mess called hair, but at least I now have something.

I have a dear friend that has been fighting BC for about 6 years. She actually developed it while pregnant but her OB/GYN continued to tell her it was nothing. She went through all the same crap we all have then thought she was cancer free.

She had her 2 year scans and was packed and on her way to a family vacation. Her family in the car outside the Onc's office, She ran in for something and was told her cancer was back and now in her bones and liver. She had only a 5% survival chance, and then only for a very short time.

That was 5 years ago. She is now NED. She has been on WEEKLY chemo infusments for years. About a year ago she had to stop for about 3 months as it appeared to be effecting her heart. She's been back on the weekly infusments for over a year, still NED. If she wants to travel somewhere she can skip an occassional week or take a stronger dose and skip three weeks.

She just accepts the fact she gives 1 hour ievery Wednesday morning, to live and see her children grow up. She has been a hero to me. She just never fave up, even when told she had 5 growths in her liver.

PLEASE Autumn, don't give up. Not all chemo is like what we went thru the first time. I wanted to give up a number of times, but I haven't. Please, honey - fight - fight not only for your self, your family - but for all of us.

Giant hug and lot's of love, Jean