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Nancy
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Joined: Jul 23 2007
Location: Altoona, PA
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Points: 3814
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Posted: Jan 18 2009 at 10:52am |
Dear Heather,
Why do you hesitate to write what you feel in your blog? When you first began this horrible journey, you said what you felt. Then you decided, because it offended D and his family, that you would not write your true feelings. You even deleted some of your daily blogs not wanting to offend anyone. This is your journal of a journey you did not want to take, and no one should ever have to take, and it should be your true feelings.
If you think that D's family does not know his true colors....you are wrong...or they are psychopaths just like him. Did you know that 3% of all men are pschopaths? Not all the evil kind, but they just don't give a rat's *** about anyone but themselves. Also if you think that any woman on this site has not known all along as to the real identity of D....you are wrong also sweetie.
We all here love you Heather, and have not ever met you. Now...that is compassion and empathy. Since you were dx, this should have been about you and only you. When a woman starts making excuses for their man....then the man is not a man. He is a toxin, a poison, and you need to get well. You cannot heal your body until you heal your spirit.
I have been married for 49 years, and there was not once in all these years that my husband has ever not taken care of me, and I him. Perhaps the passion dwindles, but not the empathy, compassion and true caring when you put someone else before yourself.
Surround yourself with those who love and truly care about and for you Heather, and concentrate on getting well. If you have family you can live with for a while...then do it. If you wait, then you cannot heal sweetie. Just love yourself as we love you.
Nancy
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Nancy
DD Lori dx TNBC June 13,2007
Lumpectomy due to incorrect dx of a cyst
mastectomy July 6 2007
chemo ACT all 3 every 3 weeks 6 tx Aug-Nov
28 rads ended Jan 2008
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trip2
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Joined: Jun 03 2007
Location: Under Palm Tree
Status: Offline
Points: 8549
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Posted: Jan 18 2009 at 12:28pm |
Heather, at a time when you or anyone else are very sick it is the time to put the stresses & problems into a drawer somewhere, or even better yet, hand them off for someone else to deal with if possible. If you can't and put them in a drawer hopefully they will fall thru a crack in there and get lost. You or any woman or man for that matter are all that counts when you are dealing with serious health issues.
Putting the hurt in a drawer might be a bit harder but use us for that, we are all ears and it isn't going anywhere. I imagine you could find quite a few women in this forum and elsewhere with health problems that have a hubby that isn't the best when it comes to support or other things for that matter so this is something others go thru and have gone thru and will go thru.
I don't understand the meds that were given to you as Connie pointed out they are not for what you say is going on so that is curious. For body fluid being retained one needs a diuretic and potassium at the same time to balance the effect of the diuretic on your body. I take three diuretics a day plus Potassium twice a day and still gained 4 pds in 4 days last week and barely got past an occasional lite yogurt. I too am having a weight gain mystery. Doc says I am taking max for this. I'm gaining, certainly not from food so why?? My cardiologist suggested to me that he thought he could control the fluid retention thru other means before doing a tap. He may be wrong.
I have to weigh myself everyday because of CHF so it is blatantly in my face all the time not to mention the jeans I continue to pack from not being able to get into them.
I don't understand what you are saying about taking a diuretic and having that cause your heart to squeese more if you do so? This would relieve pressure around your heart and lungs not increase it?? If you have fluid retention around the heart and lungs that increases pressure which I have and understand. I am not a doc maybe you can clear this up for me?
We are following with you so you have alot of women hovering around you Heather who love and support ya.
In defense of those men caregivers who do a wonderful job I cannot say all men behave in a selfish manner.
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Stage 2 2003
Stage 1 2007
BRCA 1+
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peach
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Joined: Jun 22 2007
Location: Georgia
Status: Offline
Points: 112
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Posted: Jan 18 2009 at 12:33pm |
Heather,
I've not been on for a few days and just got on and saw all the problems you're having. I'm so sorry about this latest development, but I'm glad you're being taken care of now.
It sounds like all the wonderful caring women on this board have given you great advice and were there when you needed them the most.
Please take care of yourself and know you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Pat
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Dx 5/07 TNBC
IDC Stg.2, Gr.2,
Sentinel node 0/1 BRCA-
Lumpectomy,Chemo(AC-T DD)Rads
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trip2
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Joined: Jun 03 2007
Location: Under Palm Tree
Status: Offline
Points: 8549
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Posted: Jan 18 2009 at 12:41pm |
Krisa, thanks so much for your postings of Heather's updates thru her friend. We are all conerned about Heather and this helps us stay on top of how she is doing.

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Stage 2 2003
Stage 1 2007
BRCA 1+
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trip2
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Joined: Jun 03 2007
Location: Under Palm Tree
Status: Offline
Points: 8549
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Posted: Jan 18 2009 at 1:15pm |
CarynRose my dear I hope you will never feel embarrassed again for the lack of response for help. I can understand your being uncomfortable about it but don't blame yourself one iota or care what those you are asking think if they won't step up to the plate. You and your feelings are what matters now period. That really is bad there is no one close and those that are do not respond. Shame on them!
Well you've been around this subject matter for too long and no surprise there although I again am so sorry it is happening to you. I have no doubt if I were in your vicinity I would be there for you. But I can't, only thru cyberspace and that isn't enough sometimes for those going thru a hard time.
If I were in your shoes I wouldn't have a soul other than hubby on a good day that would help me with my care. I do not even know anyone around where I live I could ask.
I hope you can get hubby to realize that the things mentioned in your post just HAVE to be, no but but around the pole from him cause you are right, he needs to take charge and help.
As we all know we women have somehow managed to become the caretakers of our families so in a way we create a bit of a monster from the standpoint of when we are down they line up at the bedroom door and wonder why "their" supper isn't ready. Oh don't get me started.
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Stage 2 2003
Stage 1 2007
BRCA 1+
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sibu
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Joined: Jun 27 2008
Location: FL
Status: Offline
Points: 660
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Posted: Jan 18 2009 at 2:28pm |
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Dearest Heather,
I will post here rather than Facebook hoping that this is the place you can read and write anything at all.
Can't imagine what you've been through but I am so happy to hear that you got yourself to the hospital and that your dear friend was able to meet you there.
I won't hubby bash (again) as you've heard my rants on that front...
It can be a long, slow process to build your team in life, but build we do!
There are people who take pleasure in showing up for us as we do for them. They are not necessarily blood family or current partners. But they are the relationships to honor and nurture.
Much love and light your way. You have about 100 of us on this board cheering for you.
Donna
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Donna, age 42
Dx IDC 12/06, 5/18 Nodes + BRCA1+
Double mast. 1/07
Chemo 6 X TAC 6/07, rads 10/07
Hyst./Recon. 12/07
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msm082455
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Joined: May 15 2008
Location: United States
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Points: 22
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Posted: Jan 18 2009 at 3:12pm |
Heather,
I am just catching up with everything and once again, I will say I am so sorry you are going through this.
I have no words of wisdom, like all the other women on here even though I've had cancer and am triple negative. My journey was nothing like yours.
I will only say, you continue to be in my prayers and I will continue to send positive thoughts your way..
Michele
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krisa
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Joined: May 21 2008
Location: Portland, OR
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Points: 1090
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Posted: Jan 18 2009 at 4:09pm |
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from heather's blog:
Hi All...It's actually Tamara posting for Heather. Here's the
update. Heather had the pericardial tap today at around 12 pm and was
back in her room around 2 pm. The good news is that Dr. Wong, who
turned out to be great, got all the liquid out. It was around a cup. It
was bloody, and we don't know what that means yet. They are doing lots
of testing to find out. Heather had another Ecco, so that's how we know that Dr. Wong 'did a great job' according to the technician. Heather
is in quite a lot of pain right now. She says it's an 8 out of 10--for
those of you that know her well and know how much pain she can tolerate
(a lot), you know that this is a serious amount of pain. However, the
good news is that the pain goes down to a 2 or 3 when she gets
Fentanyl, which is an opiate. She's getting Fentanyl every hour. Heather wants to say thank you to all the wonderful friends who have come to visit her today. Tamara
says that folks close by should call her and try to stop by tomorrow if
you can--D 'needs a break' as the 7 months are wearing on him, and she
really needs company so she doesn't feel alone in all of this. So if
you can stop by, just make sure to call her first...you can look up the
number for Swedish and she's in room 705. It's very important to call first though to make sure she's up to a visit. If you call her first, she can give you the flavor of smoothie that she needs right at that moment!
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Terri
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Joined: Nov 12 2007
Location: FL
Status: Offline
Points: 578
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Posted: Jan 18 2009 at 4:52pm |
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Heather,
Sending healing thoughts your way. Hoping every minute you are in less and less pain and on your way to a quick and full recovery. I hope you get a peaceful night`s sleep and sweet dreams...
Terri
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IDC DX 8/17/07 (age 41)
Stage 1 Grade 1-2, 1.35 cm
2 nodes neg, Lumpectomy 10/07
Chemo: FEC 100 x 6, 35 rads
BRCA 1/2 NEG
PET/CT & Brain CT Nov 09
Brain MRI Aug 2012 NED
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CarynRose
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Joined: Aug 04 2007
Location: Robbinsville, NJ, USA
Status: Offline
Points: 960
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Posted: Jan 18 2009 at 5:14pm |
Heather,
Glad the tap worked. I'll bet you'll feel a lot better tomorrow. I hope you have a good night's sleep and that the drugs help keep you as comfortable as possible.
Gentle healing strokes and hugs,
Caryn
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Orig dx 6/03 - St.2a, IDC
gr.3,0 nodes, TNBC/BRCA1+
7/07 St 4 mets to nodes/lungs. PACA/Rads NED 11/07-10/08
Lepto mets 10/08
Rads for 4 brain tumors 4/10.
Leptomets return 6/10
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Nancy
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Joined: Jul 23 2007
Location: Altoona, PA
Status: Offline
Points: 3814
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Posted: Jan 18 2009 at 5:32pm |
Dear Heather,
I too wish you a peaceful night, and I am so glad that you went to the ER when you did. Tomorrow is another day, and I just know that you will be feeling so much better.
Many hugs and much love,
Nancy 
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Nancy
DD Lori dx TNBC June 13,2007
Lumpectomy due to incorrect dx of a cyst
mastectomy July 6 2007
chemo ACT all 3 every 3 weeks 6 tx Aug-Nov
28 rads ended Jan 2008
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NancyJane
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Joined: Aug 25 2008
Location: Key Largo, FL
Status: Offline
Points: 241
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Posted: Jan 19 2009 at 2:13am |
Heather:
You are in my thoughts and prayers. Sending you lots of love to help you rest and heal. You are not alone 
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41yr dx 7/25/08
Lumpectomy and ax node disection (38 nodes, all clean!) 8/12/08
T2 grd 3, N0, TN IDC
BRCA1+
ACx4,Tx12 10/08-3/09
prophylactic hyst, ooph,mast & one-step recon 3/30/09
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CarynRose
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Joined: Aug 04 2007
Location: Robbinsville, NJ, USA
Status: Offline
Points: 960
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Posted: Jan 19 2009 at 3:19am |
Just checking in to see how you weathered the night (which, for you is still now). Sleep well Heather and heal.
Caryn
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Orig dx 6/03 - St.2a, IDC
gr.3,0 nodes, TNBC/BRCA1+
7/07 St 4 mets to nodes/lungs. PACA/Rads NED 11/07-10/08
Lepto mets 10/08
Rads for 4 brain tumors 4/10.
Leptomets return 6/10
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msm082455
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Joined: May 15 2008
Location: United States
Status: Offline
Points: 22
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Posted: Jan 19 2009 at 3:24am |
Heather,
Hoping you had a peaceful night's sleep. Thinking of you...
Michele
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Michele,PA,55
Dx 8-04,IDC, Gr.3,3 CM
Lumpectomy w/SNB,9-04,clear margins,Triple Negative
4A/C,4TA,Rads, BRCA 1 & 2, negative
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anna921
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Joined: Nov 12 2008
Location: United States
Status: Offline
Points: 91
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Posted: Jan 19 2009 at 4:41am |
Heather, I hope you're feeling better soon and can be on your blog again.
Btw, I wouldn't worry about D's family finding out what a loser he is. Chances are, they already know.
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August 2007, Stage III, 5+ cm, Grade 4F, 4 FAC with booster after 4 days, 12 weekly Taxol, radical mastectomy, 36 radiation treatments.
Houston, Texas
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Terri
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Joined: Nov 12 2007
Location: FL
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Points: 578
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Posted: Jan 19 2009 at 5:40am |
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Good morning Heather,
I hope you are feeling a little better today with your heart beating unhindered without all that fluid around it. I`m visualizing your body getting rid of that water already. Have a better day today sweetie.
Terri
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IDC DX 8/17/07 (age 41)
Stage 1 Grade 1-2, 1.35 cm
2 nodes neg, Lumpectomy 10/07
Chemo: FEC 100 x 6, 35 rads
BRCA 1/2 NEG
PET/CT & Brain CT Nov 09
Brain MRI Aug 2012 NED
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krisa
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Joined: May 21 2008
Location: Portland, OR
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Points: 1090
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Posted: Jan 19 2009 at 12:36pm |
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more pain for dear heather...
"This morning was eventful. My Onc came in at 6 am and said that I was
going to get my lung taped. They can't do both in one day, just in case
there is a complication like lung collapse or something. I was wheeled
out of here and into the room to get the procedure done. It hurts
really really bad to sit up right for my heart right now. I was hooked
up to the blood pressure machine and to make a long story short, after
she numbed my muscles in between my ribs the doc started to draw the
LITER of fluid from around my right lung. I couldn't handle it anymore,
the sitting up. I almost threw up and my blood pressure skyrocketed
downward and I got dizzy and almost fainted from the pain. They had to
stop the procedure, and with the x-rays they just did it looks like
they didn't get it all out. I have had to get fentanyl this morning and another one soon. I am so much pain."
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Nancy
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Joined: Jul 23 2007
Location: Altoona, PA
Status: Offline
Points: 3814
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Posted: Jan 19 2009 at 1:19pm |
Dear Heather,
As I sit here reading the post that krisa made for you, I am just relieved that you went to the ER when you did. I am so sorry that you have to experience so much pain on top of the pain you already had.
It is no wonder that you had/have so much difficulty breathing with a liter of fluid around you lung. I would imagine that they will have to do the procedure again to get the remaining fluid? Hopefully krisa will get the updates and I know she will pass it on to us.
I will be thinking of you sweetie, and all we want for you is to see you well and on the road to recovery....and soon.
Much love and many gentle hugs, 
Nancy
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Nancy
DD Lori dx TNBC June 13,2007
Lumpectomy due to incorrect dx of a cyst
mastectomy July 6 2007
chemo ACT all 3 every 3 weeks 6 tx Aug-Nov
28 rads ended Jan 2008
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CarynRose
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Joined: Aug 04 2007
Location: Robbinsville, NJ, USA
Status: Offline
Points: 960
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Posted: Jan 19 2009 at 1:22pm |
Heather,
I had no idea they were going to tap your lungs as well as your heart. I've never had such a procedure, but during my lung biopsy, my lung collapsed and I've never felt such pain in my entire life. Thank heavens for morphine, but I understand that Fentanyl is even better. Use as much as you need to.
Perhaps now that they've gotten some of the fluid out and that your heart is free of fluid, they'll be able to use some diuretics to empty out the rest of your right lung.
May the removal of this fluid give you more relief. I know it sucks. I know it hurts. I know it's scary. And I know it's 'get past-able'. One day at a time.... one minute at a time.... one step at a time.
Gentle strokes and hugs,
Caryn
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Orig dx 6/03 - St.2a, IDC
gr.3,0 nodes, TNBC/BRCA1+
7/07 St 4 mets to nodes/lungs. PACA/Rads NED 11/07-10/08
Lepto mets 10/08
Rads for 4 brain tumors 4/10.
Leptomets return 6/10
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Jessie
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Joined: Aug 07 2007
Location: North Carolina
Status: Offline
Points: 515
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Posted: Jan 19 2009 at 2:12pm |
Heather -
I've been reading your posts and thinking about you all weekend. Bless your heart honey, I hope you're being given enough drugs to make you comfortable and able to rest.
I hope it gives you comfort and strength to know how many in our forum group are sending you concern and hoping you're in competent and caring medical hands.
Give all your attention to resting and being good to yourself so that you can heal. Let the rest of your world take care of itself for now. You deserve the very best.
Many hugs,
Jessie
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IDC,Stage I,Grade 3,dx 4/06
dbl mast 5/06,
systemic MRSA post surgery
septic shock, heart attack
triple bypass 1/07
no chemo due to infections and heart issues
so far NED!
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