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Celebrate?

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minniemouse View Drop Down
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    Posted: Sep 18 2009 at 11:13am
Chemo is done, and I finished my rads a few days ago. So why do I feel so uneasy? I should be celebrating, right? I feel guilty moaning about this.
The women on this site are so amazing. I know some of you have dealt with much worse stats than mine. I also know that most of the time I just go about my life and don't think about this disease all the time. But this week I'm back to worrying.
Mostly, I worry that my follow-up care will miss something. Any tips?
Thanks for letting me unload!!
 
Minnie  
dx 02/09 @62;lumpectomy 3/24/09; 1.5cm; node neg; stg I/gr I; BRCA 1/2 neg
2 rnds Taxotere/Cytoxan; 2 rnds A/C (after lung react to tax); 33 rads.
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dmayes View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote dmayes Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 18 2009 at 11:32am
Hi MM,
 
Stay happy and positive - live, laugh and love.  Of course there are going to be creeping moments when you dwell on the "what if..."  Try and get over those as quick as you can - it is only normal.  It is good to read for the most part you just get on with life.  I still have some op's to go, but am already feeling like this is beaten and now it is all about me!  Good luck in the future - the process/treatments can become one's life and I guess it is hard to just not have that any more.  I think there could be a better transition to "healthy-ness" so we dont have these feelings.  Your follow up care is also back to you - so stay ontop of your health and if you notice anything go straight to your doc.
 
Good luck and best wishes - looking forward to joining the "living without" club soon.
 
Hugs Debs
Debs | Laugh every day, Love every minute.
Dx Mar09 - LB IDC 4.5cm - 0 nodes. BRCA -
Cytoxin/Taxotere x4 end Jul09.
ReCon surgery March10.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote mainsailset Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 18 2009 at 11:45am
I'm in same boat and it occured to me the other day that I have been in training for the last year plus to be suspicious of everything, to in effect to be an ill person. Watching for symptoms has become my life's work and I'm realizing that I need to learn to compartmentalize my search for symptoms.
 
Not sure how to do that just yet, but I've been thinking about only letting myself do it once a week...saving every hurt, every quirk, every ounce of depression for that time. In the meantime I'll try and fill that cancer worry gap one piece at a time with things of beauty and strength. And for the moments of anger and fear, well I have a wasp nest outside that I need to whack, maybe that will sidetrack me.
dx 7/08 TN 14x6.5x5.5 cm tumor

3 Lymph nodes involved, Taxol/Sunitab+AC, 5/09 dbl masectomy, path 2mm tumor removed, lymphs all clear, RAD 32 finished 9/11/09. 9/28 CT clear 10/18/10 CT clear
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minniemouse View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote minniemouse Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 18 2009 at 12:11pm
what a great image! wacking at wasp nests! That'll carry me for a while.
 
minnie
dx 02/09 @62;lumpectomy 3/24/09; 1.5cm; node neg; stg I/gr I; BRCA 1/2 neg
2 rnds Taxotere/Cytoxan; 2 rnds A/C (after lung react to tax); 33 rads.
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Kellyless View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Kellyless Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 18 2009 at 12:41pm
My doc warned me on my last chemo day that I'd feel this way when treatment was over - just like you - bereft, like I'm just squatted down doing nothing but waiting for it to strike again.......
IDC, 2.2 cm, Stage IIb,lumpectomy 1/30/09 ACx4,Tx4 36 rads
6/1/16 Local recurrence same breast, same spot 1.8cm Carb.4x every 3 wks, Taxol 12x once wk. Dbl Mast. PCR!! Reconstruction fail, NED!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote GRANNY Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 18 2009 at 12:46pm
Minne, Congrats on being done with treatments.  It seems it would only be normal to feel uneasy at first.  You are used to something being done to destroy any left over cancer cells now nothing is being done.  Which is supposed to be a wonderful thing but, it is hard I am sure to change gears.  Good Luck and God Bless Julia
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote trip2 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 18 2009 at 2:18pm
Hi minniemouse, congrats on completing your treatments.Clap
 
When I walked out of my c center the last day was like falling off a cliff for me.
 
It is so soon for you, time helps take your attention away as "life" begins to take over again. 
 
We all go thru this, the nature of our treatments at this point, hope that ends soon.
 
Please feel free to talk or vent here as often as you like and good luck with your new life!
Stage 2 2003
Stage 1 2007
BRCA 1+
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Lillie Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 18 2009 at 4:22pm
Dear Minniemouse

After I finished all my treatments I was just like you. I read Dr. Susan Love's book in which I learned that what I was experiencing was completely normal for me.

One thing that helped me is every morning before my feet hit the floor I'd say to myself "Ok! You had the surgery, you had the chemo, you're already on medicine for depression and anxiety, you've read the books". It seemed to soothe me just GIVING MYSELF PERMISSION to be OK with the feelings I was having. Also, I shared my fears and feeling with my husband. He was a good listener and encourager. Gradually, I got better.

I started walking and built up to at least 30 minutes 4 or 5 times a week. Just knowing I have the stamina to walk approx. 2 miles without giving out gives me a mental boost. I do volunteer work on Friday's and some church work during the week. Keeping busy seems to help.

Good luck and know that you are in the company of many who have had, are having or will have the exact fears you are going through. If it becomes a problem, asking for some professional help is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of strength to work to feel better.

Much love,

Dx 6/06 age 65,IDC-TNBC
Stage IIb,Gr3,2cm,BRCA-
6/06 L/Mast/w/SNB,1of3 Nodes+
6/06 Axl. 9 nodes-
8/8 thru 11/15 Chemo (Clin-Trial) DD A/Cx4 -- DD taxol+gemzar x4
No Rads.
No RECON - 11/2018-12 yrs NED
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote HolliBeri Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 19 2009 at 5:07pm
after I finished treatment I thought I had an odd reaction...feeling in limbo... like nothing was being done. Onc said it was normal, like a post traumatic stress syndrome. Especiallt common with TNBC since we don't have a pill to take for 5 years to keep the beast away. Doc put me on effexor, much better now.
"Cancer is tough stuff, but love is stronger."
"I am not a survivor - I am an overcomer"
"I could grieve or I could celebrate. The choice was mine."
t's not always easy but "A positive attitude will give you the courage to go on when things get rough. Most important, remember that you are not alone!"
DX age 45:12/08 IDC & DCIS TNBC. 2/09:lumpectomy, 2 cm, grade 3, -nodes, stage IIa, BRCA- Chemo:Taxotere/Cytoxan x4.Double mastectomy 6/09. Zometa   http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/hollisimpsongough
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Nursenelly Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 19 2009 at 6:01pm
Hi Minniemouse!
 
Congratulations! I just finished my last chemo treatment 4 weeks ago and I understand what you mean. I don't really feel well yet and, although my mind is ready to be "normal" again, my body isn't.
 
I went through this same fear after having radiation for Hodgkin's disease in 1988 at the tender age of 23. I worried constantly for the first 2 or 3 years, but now I understand that there is no value in worrying. I learned that worrying will not change anything that has passed or that will be in the future. Now I am concentrating on eating well, exercising, and finding out what supplements to take to try and prevent this from happening again. All we can do is try, pray, and move forward.
 
God bless you and your family,
Nurse Nelly 
Stage 1 invasive ductal
No lymph nodes
Bilateral mastectomy May 2009
Taxotere and Cytoxin X 4
Hodgkin's disease 1988
RT 1988
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote trip2 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 20 2009 at 5:48am
Hello Nurse Nelly and welcome to the forum.Smile
 
Congratulations on completing your last chemo. 
 
I'm so sorry to see you were diagnosed with Hodgkins at 23, how hard that must have been for you and your family.
 
You have some wise comments to share, thank you for that.
 
Look forward to hearing more from you.
Stage 2 2003
Stage 1 2007
BRCA 1+
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote minniemouse Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 20 2009 at 11:24am
Just hearing the encouragement from all of you has eased my mind. Thank you all so, so much. It helps to hear the reaction is normal, and I know it will soon pass.
 
 What's helped, too, is finding the courage to say out loud to good (non-cancer) friends how I feel right now, instead of putting on a fake front. They know me well enough to know I don't usually mope or feel sorry for myself, and they've been wonderful.
 
 I feel incredibly blessed today.
 
Love,
Minnie
dx 02/09 @62;lumpectomy 3/24/09; 1.5cm; node neg; stg I/gr I; BRCA 1/2 neg
2 rnds Taxotere/Cytoxan; 2 rnds A/C (after lung react to tax); 33 rads.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Kellyless Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 20 2009 at 4:41pm
I'm soooooo tired of hearing "you look fantastic!"  "you really look so good!"  I've had 8 rounds of chemo & tons of radiation, my hair is 1/2 inch long and is GREY.  But I smile and say thank you.........they mean well..........
IDC, 2.2 cm, Stage IIb,lumpectomy 1/30/09 ACx4,Tx4 36 rads
6/1/16 Local recurrence same breast, same spot 1.8cm Carb.4x every 3 wks, Taxol 12x once wk. Dbl Mast. PCR!! Reconstruction fail, NED!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote dmwolf Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 20 2009 at 7:03pm
Hey, it's better than hearing 'you look like sh*t' or having people squint and shake their head as they look at you, trying to make sense of the 'old' you in their memory and the new one before their eyes.  :)

-Denise, also kind of grey but unwilling for the moment to dye my hair or otherwise erase the last obvious vestiges of the past 1.5yrs.
DX 2/08@43 stg II IDC; gr2,0 nodes. Neoadj chemo, first ACx2 (fail) then CarboTaxotereX6(better). Lump, Rads done 11/08; Clodronate. False alarm queen: PetCT lung & TM marker. NED. PBM w/recon 9/10.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote minniemouse Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 21 2009 at 7:00am
that is so funny, kelly. I get that all the time.
 
nce, during chemo, when I had a few friends over, someone knocked on the front door. When I jumped up to answer it, one of my friends exclaimed, "My, isn't she spry!"
 
"Spry"!!! That made me howl. I guess if folks think you should look and act like an 80-year-old nursing-home patient, we are absolutely fantastic looking and "spry." 
 
(My hair is still too scrubby to go scarfless or wigless, but the wigs are started to take on a road-kill look. Gonna ditch them soon.)
 
minnie
dx 02/09 @62;lumpectomy 3/24/09; 1.5cm; node neg; stg I/gr I; BRCA 1/2 neg
2 rnds Taxotere/Cytoxan; 2 rnds A/C (after lung react to tax); 33 rads.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Nursenelly Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 22 2009 at 3:30am
Thank, Pam and hello to everyone.
It has been so helpful to hear your discussions!
 
Right now I am trying to fugure out what to do with diet, exercise, and supplements to keep from having to go through this again. Nancy suggested a book for me to read on the subject. Do you ladies have any suggestions? I have always had trouble making myself exercise.
 
Thanks for being there.
 
Nurse Nelly
Stage 1 invasive ductal
No lymph nodes
Bilateral mastectomy May 2009
Taxotere and Cytoxin X 4
Hodgkin's disease 1988
RT 1988
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote trip2 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 22 2009 at 7:28am
Hello Nurse Nelly,
 
Exercise, low fat diet.  There are links to information on this in the News/Resource section.  Please read the NCCN Guidelines and also the Important Email Hoax link from Johns Hopkins which explains several of the things going around that are not correct.  Both are tacked near the top.
Vitam D is supposed to be good for you, especially if you live where there isn't alot of sun.
I heard a doc say on TV the other day say it wasn't necessary to take Vitamin D more than 2,000 IU's a day.
Stage 2 2003
Stage 1 2007
BRCA 1+
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