Another awful loss...Laura T

Dear TNBC Family,

Edited by steve - Dec 23 2012 at 9:48am

God Bless,

To Laura's family, friends and our TNBC family,

The deepest sympathy to all on our great loss.
Laura's love and caring surrounds us now and always.

Grateful for today.............Judy

=======================================================

Laura,

Continue to send us your love and caring from your place in Eternal Love and Peace.
Gratitude for all you shared and taught us.
Thankful to you for one of your Final Gifts to us.............
   Your posting on November 28, 2012:
        "My thoughts and prayers are always with you all, too. I love the strength that we all give one
          another-each day that we are here is a miracle and the Lord continues to surround me with
          His Peace and Presence.
          I love you all!
                     Laura "

Love,
Grateful for today and for you, Laura...............Judy

Dear Denise,

I want there to be some trace of Laura's amazing self in this archive, so I'm going to post a few selections from her blog.  This one was from her husband Richard just after she died:

"I am saddened to report the passing of my best friend and an incredible mother to my boys, William and Ben. While we mourn her departure from this earth, we rejoice that the healing we have prayed for and she has longed for has finally been realized as she has been made whole in the presence of her Savior. She taught us much about the sustaining grace of God in the middle of pain and suffering as she opened her life to us through her posts.

The family will be receiving visitors at 9:30 Thursday morning at Perimeter Church with a service following at 10:45. Perimeter Church is located at 9500 Medlock Bridge Road, Johns Creek, GA 30097.

This community has been a source of love to Laura and our entire family. We have read your words and it has been your cheer that gave us strength in the days we had none. Thank you for loving her.

Richard "

Here's one from October:

Written Aug 26, 2012 6:49pm

As of Friday, our amazing summer officially came to an end. Ben started back to school on the 13th, Beth went back home a few weeks ago, and William flew back to DC on Friday. Having both boys here all summer with us meant the world to us and is time we will always value and savor. We loved having Beth here with us and are thankful for the time we had getting to know and love her. We had a great week together at Lake Burton in June and a long weekend away in late July. I think the very best part was just TIME together and I want to thank you all for praying for us to have that time. The way all the details worked out such as jobs, living arrangements, even down to the perfect vacation spot that was all on one level and had a gorgeous view just a step out the front door, was nothing short of miraculous to me. Of course, the way my body healed after being in such a weak state after my time in Houston back in March was miraculous to us as well. We also enjoyed some good times with extended family which is always fun for us.

In spite of all of that, it seems that health challenges keep coming my way. In late June, I was diagnosed with a staph lung infection and am still working to get that clear. I've had the addition of a pulmonologist, 6 weeks of 3 antibiotics, and now a pneumatic vest to use twice a day. My circulation issues have gotten worse as well as my stamina reduced. I am back at physical therapy and hoping that this will help build back what I lost over July. Some of this could be attributed to getting up earlier in the mornings and just trying to do more than I was before. I feel this need to keep moving and going, to be productive and serve a purpose. This is really difficult as every aspect of my roles as wife and mom has been either taken away or severely curtailed. Cancer is a thief and a cheat and really has no redeeming value as far as I can see. Sure, we can talk about the theology of suffering and how our trials offer us the opportunity for our faith to grow and deepen our relationship with God, but on its simplest level, this disease and this stage of this disease are relentless in its downward spiral - there is never news of real progress in finding new answers or improvement in curtailing the disease; in fact, there is no consensus out there on how to treat leptomeningeal disease. When my current chemo fails, there is only one choice left and that involves placing a sort of neurological port on my scalp which would be used to inject chemo directly into my spinal cord with not much evidence of effectiveness (only 10-15% chance that it will have a positive effect, and no one knows how long that would keep the cancer at bay) and a good probability of decreased quality of life. It is difficult on an ongoing basis to find the "good." 

I certainly do not include you all and your incredible faithfulness to pray for us in my struggle to find that good. Please know that is never in question and always gives me encouragement and hope. It was just over three years ago that I began this fight and so many of you have been right there all along, and many more since my Stage IV diagnosis in May of 2011. It is difficult to compare, but there are many, many women that do not survive this long, and I am grateful to have been here these past three years. 

It is three years of birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, and just regular life which entails so much more than I could describe here. I think the difficulty I have is that I never stop wanting more. I want that ultimate miracle! This isn't how it is supposed to be. We weren't made for brokenness and death - we were created to live forever in the presence and fellowship of our Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. He has made a Way to Him and eternal life through Jesus the Son, but the idea of being separated, even temporarily, from those I love here is almost unbearable. There is nothing like your own impending mortality to force you to deal with these issues at the core of what they really mean and how they affect your family. 

As all of this continues to ruminate through my mind and my heart struggles to accept this unwanted plan, I have been focusing on two passages of Scripture in Matthew. The first is Matthew 7:7-11   7  “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. 9 Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? 10 Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent?11 If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!"

The second is Matthew 9:19-22  19 "And Jesus rose and followed him, with his disciples. 20 And behold, a woman who had suffered from a discharge of blood for twelve years came up behind him and touched the fringe of his garment, 21 for she said to herself, “If I only touch his garment, I will be made well.” 22 Jesus turned, and seeing her he said, “Take heart, daughter; your faith has made you well.” And instantly[a] the woman was made well."

In my heart of hearts, I do believe in the goodness of our Father and His ability to use anything for good in my life. It is just impossible for my temporal, limited spiritual eyes to see what His eternal, unlimited plans are for me and my family. I pray for the faith to trust and surrender to these plans, for the faith that Jesus speaks of in Matthew 7 and the faith this woman demonstrates in Matthew 9. I understand that God does not always answer our requests as we desire, but He does at times and as we've seen earlier in the year, He sometimes does give us what we desire and ask for. And I believe there is power in the collective, the joining together of believers to pray. So, to know that you all never cease praying on our behalf, not just for ultimate healing, but for each day along the way that we would have the strength to endure and live the day fully, is huge and we will always be grateful for you and your faith.

 

In addition to the faith/heart issues, our desire is prayer for the following:

            *  Scans on 9/4 That they would definitively show that the current chemo is effective in killing the cancer in both my chest/lymph nodes and brain/spinal cord and there is nothing new anywhere in my body and my symptoms would match what the scans show.

            *  Resolution to the lung infection and no new infections (being on steroids makes me more susceptible to fungal and bacterial infections).

            *  For the current chemo to be effective for months, even years to come with minimal to no side effects (no hand/foot syndrome which is most common with Xeloda).

            *  For improved circulation in chest and feet/lower legs, answers to what is causing it (chemo, port, disease) and what to do about it.

            *  For wisdom/discernment on our part and for our doctors on what to try should my current chemo fail.

            *  For increased physical stamina and greater ability to do some things that I would normally do (and enjoy doing!).

            *  For a sustained ability to envision the future and attend its real events (I would really love to be able to attend both boys' graduations!).

            *  For my family as they have had major upheaval and adjustments to make as my abilities to do what I have always done have been so dramatically changed in such a short period of time. The load they carry is heavy in their hearts as well as in their hands.

            *  Anything else that the Lord puts on your heart for us. 

             *  For sheer strength to keep fighting!!

            *  To accept redefined roles for me and be able to give to my family in perhaps more meaningful ways than before.

You are all loved by us and we will never stop thanking God for your presence in our lives. We know that you all have "stuff" going on that challenges you and your faith as well, and we always keep you all in our prayers, too. Thank you for reading this and offering up your prayers on our behalf.

Gratefully and with love,

Laura

Laura's post on Nov 28 2012 at 11:41pm on the TNBC Foundation forum:

LauraT wrote: My thoughts and prayers are always with you all, too. I love the strength that we all give one another-each day that we are here is a miracle and the Lord continues to surround me with His Peace and Presence. I love you all! Laura

Edited by mindy555 - Jan 02 2013 at 1:58pm

Dearest Denise-

Meant to mention, I SO appreciate you posting some of Laura's last writings.  It reinforces what an amazing lady she is, and lends insight into Laura's beautiful spirit for those who didn't have the privilege to get to know her.

Much love,
Mindy

Thanks, Mindy.  I miss Laura a lot, maybe more than I should given that I never met her in the flesh and knew her mainly from here, FB, and her blog.    I guess she touched all of us deeply.  It was obvious early on, long before she had a recurrence, that she was a rare and precious human being.   We all responded to her heady mix of kindness, brilliant ability to articulate her thoughts and feelings, spiritual seeking, and physical beauty.   She lived a very rich life, and spoke from a place of plenty, even in her darkest moments.    We leaned toward her like plants to the sun.   Every group or organization is like a body, with different people playing the roles of various essential life-giving organs and systems.  She might have been the soul of this group.  So if it feels a bit like her death has left a major hole in this community, we shouldn't be surprised.  The soul of this group is diminished with her passing.  Her absence, and those of other women we come to love, leaves a cold wind blowing through all of us.   We are cold, and lonely, and diminished by these deaths.  But as always it is up to those who remain to make our communities feel vital.   We need to exercise our ability to attach, even though attachment can lead to sorrow if things don't go well as they sometimes don't.  

2013, a new year that Laura didn't get to see.  What a very sad thought. TNBC, the super aggressive kind, a medical mystery unstoppable in some versions, in some bodies.  So...we'll keep on doing what we can to give and receive comfort and perhaps to slay the beast for future generations.   We can use the thought of Laura and other women we have lost to power our efforts to be kind and effective and reduce the world's suffering by measures however small.



Edited by dmwolf - Jan 03 2013 at 12:38pm