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Tambu 
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Joined: Jan 20 2009 Location: West Seneca,NY Status: Offline Points: 13 |
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 Topic: ??Posted: Apr 18 2009 at 3:47pm |
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I am almost finished with my chemo,2 more treatments of Taxol to go.(Course of chemo was dose dense A/C once every 2 weeks x4 and then Taxol once every 2 weeks x4).I have been having a difficult time with the Taxol (Headaches,bone,joint,and muscle pain).I am taking ibuprofen 800mg 3 times a day the starting the day of treatment and Lortab 7.5mg 1 every 6 hours as needed for pain for about 1 week after the Taxol.
My problem is that I know that it is ok to cry,but it seems like everytime I see my kids when we are doing something,I start crying.(My oldest Son is 9,my youngest Son is 4 and my Daughter is 5 1/2 months).I can't help but think...how long will I be here for them??Will I be here to see them grow up and get married??Will I ever have Grandchildren??How do I know if the chemo even is working?????? My Husband keeps telling me that I need to be positive and I really try to,but it seems that I am feeling down more often.We went to the zoo on Friday and I cried all the way home.Is this normal??Will I ever stop crying with every little thing I do with them??I am a Nurse and I am hoping to return to work 2 weeks after my last treatment just so I can have the "normalcy" back in my life.(I have not worked since delivering my Daughter in early November 2008). I know that this is a horrible disease,but it just seems like the odds are against you being triple negative.I hate to sound like a baby,but I would appreciate anyone's opinion. Tammy 
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Tammy
38 years old dx: TNBC 11/17/08 3cm tumor 1/8/09 Left Mastectomy Grade 3 Stage 2 N0 2 benign nodes removed Clear Margins |
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cg---
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Joined: Jul 20 2007 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 1379 |
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Posted: Apr 18 2009 at 4:37pm |
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Tammy,
First of all, you put yourself under more stress by trying to live up to unreal expectations of people around you. I know it makes everyone else feel relieved if you are all sunshine and smiles - but it is tough to do when you are afraid, in pain and especially in your case postpartum! I was crying for the first year after my son was born for no reason just because of the hormone imbalance that occur naturally.
Secondly, I tried the nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs, and oxycodone/acetaminophen combos also - but not until I started taking turmeric did I have any relief from my Taxol pain. You can buy it at GNC. If you research turmeric on one of the threads on this forum - all the research supporting the merits of this anti-tumor and anti-inflammatory herb is outlined. They are finding it causes apoptosis in breast cancer cells, and relieves the pain of arthritis. There are other women who have started taking it and have found there bone pain improved. I had been on Naprosyn (Naproxen) 500 mg b.i.d. since 1994 for herniated disks, degenerative disk disease, and osteoarthritis - I do not take it any longer - only the turmeric 1000 mg in the morning and 1000 mg in the evening - and my swollen joints are no more!
I was diagnosed May 2007 - 3 cm 3 positive nodes - had the mastectomy, dose dense AC + T, and radiation. I even had a second opinion from Roswell Park and they recommended that treatment plan. I just want you to know that the tears will stop, you will get your life back and it will be sweeter than you ever remember.
Please do not be so hard on yourself....you know it takes 2 full years for our bodies to get back to normal after having a baby and you just had darling daughter and your body then underwent surgery, chemotherapy, and you wonder why you are crying?? You are stronger than you even realize.
Love and cyber hugs,
Connie
P.S. I will never have grandchildren and it has nothing to do with breast cancer - so dry those tears your kids may give you Chihuahuas (mine did).
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Tambu
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Joined: Jan 20 2009 Location: West Seneca,NY Status: Offline Points: 13 |
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Posted: Apr 18 2009 at 4:45pm |
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Thank you for the kind words.Sometimes I forget that I am still post partum as everything happened so quickly.( I was diagnosed 1 1/2 weeks after I delivered).I will purchase some turmeric acid and give it a try.I really hate taking the ibuprofen as it does qite a number on the GI tract.Thank you once again!
Tammy |
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Tammy
38 years old dx: TNBC 11/17/08 3cm tumor 1/8/09 Left Mastectomy Grade 3 Stage 2 N0 2 benign nodes removed Clear Margins |
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trip2
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Joined: Jun 03 2007 Location: Under Palm Tree Status: Offline Points: 8549 |
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Posted: Apr 19 2009 at 11:02am |
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Tammy,
It's ok to cry. Connie's post exlained things so well. Having cancer is very emotional. We all cry. Having babies. We all cry. You've got alot going. You are almost finished with your treatments, that is a good thing!
Husbands, hunh, sometimes they can be another basket of discussion, they do not get it, they cannot because as in your husband's case, he has not worn your shoes.
Note: My comments have nothing to do with the lovely husbands and father's who participate in our forum. You guys are making a beautiful effort to undersand. Most don't. They can drive us around and give us hugs but then it is back to the remote and what's on TV.
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Stage 2 2003
Stage 1 2007 BRCA 1+ |
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trip2
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Joined: Jun 03 2007 Location: Under Palm Tree Status: Offline Points: 8549 |
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Posted: Apr 19 2009 at 11:05am |
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Connie I want a chihauwau, do they come potty trained? I'd love for one of my kids to walk in with one all ready for me.
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Stage 2 2003
Stage 1 2007 BRCA 1+ |
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cg---
Senior Member
Joined: Jul 20 2007 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 1379 |
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Posted: Apr 19 2009 at 12:02pm |
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Dear Pam, Just like having a grandchild, I go to their training classes, buy clothes for them, 'pooch-proof' the house, they have their baby blankets, toys, I go to their vet appointments...buy birthday and Christmas presents for them....just don't have to help put them through college!
If you get them from where we got our three in Arizona she has them trained when they arrive. www.outwestpuppies.com . The two sisters sell them to people in Europe also. They are healthy AKC. You have seen the pictures of my grandpups. They are just like toddlers. Chihuahuas are so smart.
Yup, bragging like a proud grandmother!
Connie
(To all who don't know my dog is a 120 pound German Shepherd)
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trip2
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Joined: Jun 03 2007 Location: Under Palm Tree Status: Offline Points: 8549 |
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Posted: Apr 19 2009 at 12:42pm |
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Hmmm Mother's Day is coming and Anniversary is behind! My leverage is increasing by the day.
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Stage 2 2003
Stage 1 2007 BRCA 1+ |
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fwish21
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Joined: Dec 01 2008 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 7 |
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Posted: Apr 20 2009 at 5:03am |
Please understand that I have a very small idea of what my wife goes through. I believe that other men feel the same way. We just don't know how to deal with it all the time. But don't kid yourself we all (most if not all) love our wives and would trade places with them in a heartbeat! I know I would.
The only thing that I ask is that you don't generalize us. It's not fair.
My prayers are with you all.
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cg---
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Joined: Jul 20 2007 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 1379 |
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Posted: Apr 20 2009 at 5:37am |
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Oh dear fwish21,
That was not a generalization of husbands, it is just a pretty fair assessment of what we hear from many women diagnosed with TNBC. You dear sir may be in a very select group who provide emotional support and discuss how your wife is really feeling, along with providing physical support. The day you describe is a day that every mother lives, many of our dear sisters have to do it alone, and sick (they are married), but some how the fact they can breathe is healthy enough to continue working and caring for the family and undergo treatment and care for husbands!
Whether you agree with the statement or not - that is the reality of what many, many women experience. If you are ashamed of the husbands and fathers who behave that way - so are we. We know who the 'good guys' are, and on this forum we support the caregivers and appreciate all they do for their wives, daughters, sisters, mothers. But, we do not tolerate neglect, abandonment, or emotional abuse by self-absorbed husbands.
Connie
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Beth Anne
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Joined: Apr 24 2008 Location: Clairnbridge, Ireland Status: Offline Points: 376 |
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Posted: Apr 20 2009 at 5:40am |
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Dearest Fwish21,
You know you are so correct and I know and love Pam and I am quite sure she would never want to offend... I had to let you know that in reading your post it really made me stop and think about my husband... You know he has never gone to a doctors appointment with me and has been to the hospital with me only to pick me up a few times.... But just say that really cuts short all that he dose do everyday for me and our daughter..... He takes her to dance 5 days a week and sits in that dance studio for over 2 hours and has a smile on his face as he dose it... He left his own job to take over my shop and has spent the last year doing everything in his power to keep it going...Not wanting to tell me that in the new economy we just could keep it going... He has paid our bills as best he could until we can no longer keep our home and with tears he had to tell me there was nothing more he could do at this time to keep it all going. I love my husband but I knew early on he didn't do sick... I have to say sometimes this feels like he wasn't there for me but like I said when I read your post it made me think about ALL that he dose for me and our daughter the house and our vary large garden.... Its so much.... I know he cry's and that this is hard for him but like you he is strong for us... At the end of the day love shows its self in many different ways! Your wife is lucky to have a man like you in her life to see her though all of this. Bless you and your family and thank you for your post it really did make me look at the gifts I have. Beth Anne Edited by Beth Anne - Apr 20 2009 at 5:44am |
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Dx 5/07 DCIS Stage3 gr9 A/C x 6, Abrax x 16 Bi-Mass 2/08
Navelbine x 12, finished radiation end of July 08. DX Brain Met's 2/09StageIV CK3/09.Brain resection4/09 WBR Dreaming of dancing with Ned! |
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trip2
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Joined: Jun 03 2007 Location: Under Palm Tree Status: Offline Points: 8549 |
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Posted: Apr 20 2009 at 5:45am |
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Well my apologies if I have offended you. I see you are a pretty new member so maybe you haven't seen all of the posts I have made about my husband who bent over backwards to help me and worried while he was at work.
There are many of you out there who I know go above and beyond the call when it comes to helping their wives. I read it here daily and I am a strong supporter of husbands.
If you misunderstood where I stand with husbands than I have failed to make you see otherwise.
What I was referring to is that no one, no matter the nicest husband, or loved one, whomever can know exactly what it is like to wear our shoes. Too many women come here to talk because most don't get it and as I have said many times it is not their fault! I am not blaming anyone or saying they are not helping up to par, heavens I think for the most part our hubby's or loved ones have more than stepped up to the plate.
The thing is only if you have cancer can you really understand how horrifying this in, in your mind, in your body. The treatments, the mental anquish. Yes our loved ones would trade in an instant and they can see we are very ill or upset, the tears and depression but they are not in our body.
I have watched my daughter go thru cancer, I have had cancer, I know but I still cannot know exactly what she is feeling. My sister is going thru cancer now and will be on chemo for the rest of her life. Do I know exactly what is going on with her, no. I know what she tells me, I know what I sense from her but I cannot really know what is going on inside of her.
My heart breaks for my loved ones who suffer with this disease and you bet I would take it away in a heartbeat if I could.
I know you and other husbands love us, help us around the house, some have children, you are amazing and on top of that you carry a job so that you can provide for us, we understand that, I know that, I have a husband just like that, he too folded laundry and cooked plus went to work.
So believe me I am on your side. I am very sorry if you took my comment as an insult to good husbands. It was not meant that way. Just because they don't come online does not make them bad ones.
Probably alot of what I am referring to is when treatment is over and for some reason husbands, some, maybe not you and family seem to feel once we are done we are done and that could not be further from the truth. They don't want to hear anymore about it, they think we are cured, fixed, so what's the problem? So we come here because the rest of us understand.
I commend your helping your wife and know there are alot of you out there. There are alot of us out here watching our loved ones suffer and there just isn't much we can do rather than to help with the mundane everyday things and pray they get better.
Best wishes to both of you.
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Stage 2 2003
Stage 1 2007 BRCA 1+ |
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Beth Anne
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Joined: Apr 24 2008 Location: Clairnbridge, Ireland Status: Offline Points: 376 |
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Posted: Apr 20 2009 at 5:59am |
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My Dear Tammy,
You are not alone in all of this but Connie is correct between the stress and the steroids and being just post pardem (spelling?) this is a recipe for tears! And lots of them.... Try what Connie suggested, and don't be afraid to talk to the doctor about getting some anti-depressants to take until you finish this nasty chemo. I am here to tell you soon very soon you will fell better once you get through this chemo. There is every reason to believe that you will beat this beast... So don't spend too much time looking at people like me and our battle... Just remember that your cancer was caught very early and you are still very young! I work with a women that was about the same as you and she is 12 years out doing great and you would never know that she was ever sick.... This will be you! Now dry those tears cause goodness knows I have shed enough for both of us  You are in my thoughts and we are all out here to support you! Enjoy today and those kids they are a true gift steal every spare hug you can get from them it really dose help!  Hugs, Beth Anne |
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Dx 5/07 DCIS Stage3 gr9 A/C x 6, Abrax x 16 Bi-Mass 2/08
Navelbine x 12, finished radiation end of July 08. DX Brain Met's 2/09StageIV CK3/09.Brain resection4/09 WBR Dreaming of dancing with Ned! |
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fwish21
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Joined: Dec 01 2008 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 7 |
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Posted: Apr 20 2009 at 6:01am |
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Thank you for responding to my words. I also apologize if I had taken your words in the wrong way. I have read many of the pages on this forum and think that all of you are terrific people. I give everyone here so much credit for going through this challenge. My wife is my hero and I really believe that most men out there think that the same of there wives. I pray for her and all of you every day.
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trip2
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Joined: Jun 03 2007 Location: Under Palm Tree Status: Offline Points: 8549 |
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Posted: Apr 20 2009 at 6:20am |
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I want you to know that I am glad you responded to me, I do get carried away as you saw in my response, the last thing I want to do is offend someone in this forum.
You have given us important information and we encourage other men in this forum to do the same when they post. Of course they are here because of their wife and her diagnosis so that they can learn, those that do that are learning and they know darn more than the guy who doesn't get online or doesn't have the time and yes I am sure there are some who don't have the interest.
We have heard of all kinds of husbands in this forum believe me.
We need to know what is going on with husbands and what they are thinking. So many times, guess it is a male thing, they don't show what is in their heart like they might want to or don't know how to "do sick" as Beth Anne said. My husband hated the hospital but he drove long distances lots of times to sit with me in a boring hospital room and we talked about boring things like getting the animals fed, paying the bills, other problems. The last place I am sure he wanted to be was there but he made an honest effort.
Connie is correct. Many of the things you do some women unfortunately have to do on their own. So there are many different perspectives to this cancer thing.
Maybe if we understood the male perspective better we could understand more of what is going on around us whatever it might be. I hope all husbands, fathers, any caregivers will also take the time to talk, vent, they are very heavily involved with this also or they wouldn't be here. They need a break also so don't forget that!
As we remind any caregiver, delegate out so that you can have a breather. Have family help with the kids and errands, good neighbors, friends.
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Stage 2 2003
Stage 1 2007 BRCA 1+ |
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Kcsacco
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Joined: Feb 08 2009 Location: Kansas City Status: Offline Points: 79 |
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Posted: Apr 20 2009 at 4:29pm |
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Hello Tammy and welcome to the best, most supportive group of women (and men) anywhere! You really have 3 emotional issues.....postpartum,
Cancer and a NURSE. (I am too). we know too much and sometimes not enough and we (nurses) are AWESOME at jumping to conclusions. We don't see the people that live long past their diagnoses.
Take life one day at a time. and remember, only in good time will you know. there are no expiration dates on our feet...
Good luck and best wishes to you!
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Alisa
DX 3/07 7cm tumor L breast, Neoadjuvant Chemo L Mastectomy 8/07 Radiation and more chemo Finished 12/08 NED 3/08 Reconstruction 9/08 Recurrance 1/09 Multiple chemos 3/10 Parp with chemo |
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Jennine
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Joined: Mar 27 2009 Location: Long Island, New York Status: Offline Points: 21 |
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Posted: May 02 2009 at 8:10am |
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I too have a wonderful husband. He told me many times, "I wish it were me, not you, you don't deserve this, I've always neglected my body, it's not fair" But I tell him over and over...I'm glad it's not you. I don't want ANYONE I know and love to go through this. No one. Those who do must endure but as I have said once here before, we are the teachers and we take the bullet and let's face it, no one deserves this, it happens for reasons we just simply cannot understand at this point. Back to my hubby, he's a sweetheart, since the beginning, he's been to every doctor's appt. When I go through my treatments, he will be there like he always is..
He's a quiet man, very reserved (the complete and total opposite of me). He does not like to talk about things the way I do, but it does not mean he's not affected by it. What I've learned after 20 something years of marriage and being with him for 28 years,
He cries, just like I do..but the only difference, I've seen him of course, but for the most part, he does not let me see
He love our kids, as much as I do
We are in this together, for better or worse, but after the bad parts end there is always that sweet period of bliss even if it does not last long, I cherish those moments.
Oh and one more thing..sometimes I really think he knows me better then I know myself.
 Love and hugs,
Jen Edited by Jennine - May 02 2009 at 8:15am |
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Age 44; DX 3/25/09 IDC TNBC
Lumpectomy 4/10/09 1.8 cm Grade 3 Stage 1 Node Negative/Clear Margins No vascular invasion Rt breast |
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