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Katastrophe 
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Joined: Jul 22 2010 Location: Australia Status: Offline Points: 287 |
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 Posted: Apr 30 2011 at 10:39am |
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On a not so funny note. I wish that more people used the chat section of this forum. I think I am going into some kind of decline, to which I think I need some instant feed back. I have been hit by some big guns this past few years and its just not easing up. Normally I cope with things quite well (or so I thought) but lately things have been escalating and I find myself overwhelmed and feeling like I am on the edge. I love control .... but there are just so many things going on in my life that are not of my control and its driving me banana's. I even said out loud to a couple of friends the most evil of things .... I said that sometimes I wish the cancer took me so that I did not have to deal with the stresses of my life. This is soooo out of my character. Also in general my actual life should be excellent ... its the influences of others that is causing me stress beyond belief. One in particular my daughter who is a drug addict. She refuses to be helped and she is such a beautiful kind girl that is just lost to her addiction. I have been feeling of late that I would have been better off not being here rather than seeing this beautiful girl wreck her life and that of her son's. I have tried everything I know possible to change things around for her, but her addiction is dictating her actions and I feel like I am losing the fight.
I love being alive and I love life and I know this is not normally my mind set, but sometimes its just so arghhhhhh ...... sorry to anyone I have offended with this rant, but sometimes you just need to get it out. Luv Kat xxx
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Age 49. Stg2 gr3 19mm lump in L/br 1 lymph node in L/br 3/14 lymph nod under left arm full clear bil/mast 6rds Chemo 3wkly 25rds Rad 18rds of Avastin finished treatment on 19th August 10.
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123Donna
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Joined: Aug 24 2009 Location: St. Louis, MO Status: Offline Points: 13510 |
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Posted: Apr 30 2011 at 10:44am |
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Hi Kat,
Your story is so funny. It took me about 5 months before my hair grew back enough to stop wearing a wig or hair covering. It came back so curly and it was almost a year before it was long enough to cut the curly part off and still have a short hairstyle. Donna |
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DX IDC TNBC 6/09 age 49, Stage 1,Grade 3, 1.5cm,0/5Nodes,KI-67 48%,BRCA-,6/09bi-mx, recon, T/C X4(9/09)
11/10 Recur IM node, Gem,Carb,Iniparib 12/10,MRI NED 2/11,IMRT Radsx40,CT NED11/13,MRI NED3/15 |
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rigatonismom
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Joined: Sep 22 2010 Location: Albuquerque, NM Status: Offline Points: 266 |
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Posted: Apr 30 2011 at 11:58am |
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Hi Kat,
Funny story. I got the "Hello, sir" even before I had chemo. I think my post chemo curls are actually helping. I decided that it just wasn't going to upset me a long time ago. Love your story though. My hair is totally curly. It started growing back when I started Taxol which was the first of the year. I had my last Taxol on March 17 and I haven't had a hair cut yet. It is starting to wave some now though. What is really funny is that its curly on one side and wavy on the other. Nita
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DX 09/10 TNBC Stage3c, grade3, Tumor 2.7cm, chemo started 9/29/10, AC x4, Taxol x12, lumpectomy 4/11/11-tumor .6cm, 3+/22 nodes, radiation x 30 finished 6/30/11.Clinical Trial Cisplatin,PARP 8/23/11
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suzannek
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Joined: Oct 16 2008 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 67 |
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Posted: Apr 30 2011 at 12:03pm |
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Hi Kat
I had straight hair before chemo which I finished 2 years ago. In July 2009, I had an inch of black and white curly hair (instead of white blonde). The curls over the next 2 years became looser and looser. Now I just have a bit of wave left. I am not sure about the color as I now dye my hair. That is funny about the person thinking you were a he/she.
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Sue Age 56
Stage 2A, no nodes 3 cm, TNBC,Grade 3 Lumps removed 10-07-08, 10-27-08 nodes clean: Began chemo 12-2-08 4xAC, 4xT dose dense 3 weeks radiation http://suzannekesten2.blogspot.com/ |
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zoomommy2
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Joined: Sep 26 2009 Location: Denver, CO Status: Offline Points: 1356 |
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Posted: Apr 30 2011 at 12:08pm |
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Kat, how could your stressors offend anybody? We all have our demons and need to vent! I'm terribly sorry about your daughter's addiction. I'm not sure there is anything you can do. It has to be her choice to stop trying to kill herself with drugs. You've fought so hard to stay alive and she's trying to throw her life away! As a mother, I suffer with you. You are one hot chick, breasts or not! My hair came back in curlier than before. Now that it's going to fall out again, it's started being not as curly. Curly is good. I just run my fingers through my hair with some mousse and that's it.
Lee xoxoxo
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dx6/09,stageII,gr3,(L)mastectomy 7/09,ACx4,Taxolx7,Avastin study,gall bladder surgery 1/10,4/11 Stage 4, mets to lung, 4/11 Started Taxotere and Xeloda, 5/11 Taxotere stopped, off Xeloda
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Lillie
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Joined: Jul 10 2009 Location: Eastern NC Status: Offline Points: 3616 |
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Posted: Apr 30 2011 at 1:51pm |
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Hi Kat,
I was called "sir" quite a few times. It had nothing to do with my breast. I have one real and one prosthetic breast, so I couldn't blame it on that. For me, it was the hair, or lack of. I've seen more than one person go "beet red" or "stark white" when they actually looked at me, after calling me "sir", and saw my dangly earrings, lipstick and other make-up. I just smiled and went on my way, thankful to be alive and able to be where someone could call me "sir".... I alternated between my wig and hats when I started back to work. One day this "geekish" "software engineer" guy ask me why I was wearing a stupid hat, because it was warmish that day. I jerked the hat off my head and told him I'd rather look stupid with a hat than go around with no hair. At the time my hair had just begun to grow and fill in a little. The poor guy almost broke into tears. I told him he should put his brain in gear the next time before he asked a question like that. OH WELL..... I do believe that all of us like to feel that we have some control over what is going on in our lives. You are not alone. It's just that you are on overload with things that you can't control (mother's death, daughters drug habit, etc.) Along with that you have foot pain and nerve pain, fear of cancer recurrence, etc.... Myself personally, I give it over to God.... God Bless, Lillie |
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Dx 6/06 age 65,IDC-TNBC
Stage IIb,Gr3,2cm,BRCA- 6/06 L/Mast/w/SNB,1of3 Nodes+ 6/06 Axl. 9 nodes- 8/8 thru 11/15 Chemo (Clin-Trial) DD A/Cx4 -- DD taxol+gemzar x4 No Rads. No RECON - 11/2018-12 yrs NED |
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NanceD
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Joined: May 15 2010 Location: New York Status: Offline Points: 97 |
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Posted: Apr 30 2011 at 4:47pm |
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Hey Kat,
The hair seems to more looks growing back in than when I was bald. At least then they assumed I had cancer. Finished chemo end of August and have about 1 and 1/2 inches not but so darn CURLY. Everyone says how cute it is and I just HATE it. I feel like I'm about 90 with one of those little perms. Swore I wasn't going to complain about my hair ever again after losing it, but apparently I lied. Can't wait to get some length and lose the curls. I teach fourth graders and have to tell you that it was ridiculously hot when we went back to school. I never liked a wig or most of the hats, so early on I asked the kids if they minded if I was just their bald teacher. They were great and soon all of the school was used to the bald teacher. When it came time for the yearbook pictures, I wore a hat. As the photographer got ready to take the shot I suddenly hear chanting from the auditorium behind me. "Hat off, hat off," they were chanting. They said, "We like you without your hair." Other funny story - was looking at hair dye the other day. This lady was beside me debating colors, as was I. She said, "I think I'd just rather be bald." I told her I was not too long ago and rather liked it. Then I felt so bad because she was mortified. I just thought it was a hoot. So, how long does it take to lose them? Give us some hope  Missed your funny stories Kat and am glad you're back! Nance
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Katastrophe
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Joined: Jul 22 2010 Location: Australia Status: Offline Points: 287 |
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Posted: Apr 30 2011 at 8:38pm |
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Hi guys,
We are strange creatures we women. I like you Nance swore that I would never complain about what my hair would look like growing back and that I was just grateful to be alive etc.... well I too spoke a load of bull. I LOVED my hair that I had before .... I LOVED my breasts too ... I can LIVE (literally) without the breasts .... but ... I HATE THIS STUPID HAIR .... I am sick to death of people telling me they like it, and how GRATEFUL I should be to have it.
I remember when I was renewing my wedding vows in October I had my hair reblonded and the colour turned out a dirty blonde with blue bits through it. I just wanted to scream. I came back home and my sisters that were staying with my from England and Queensland were here. I told them not only didnt I like the style but I was mortified at the colour and the wedding was the next day and it was too late to change it as I didnt think my hair would cope with it being bleached again. I had already decided on the drive back to just not dwell on the hair and if I truly couldnt bare up with it on the day I would just put on one of my wigs. However I felt I deserved the RIGHT to vent.
Cancer aside, I think any woman who was facing a big event would be upset to find their hair was blue and the style was crap.
My sister from England obviously didnt think I should be huffing and puffing as I should be GRATEFUL I WAS ALIVE AND HAD HAIR. .... pfffftttt I wanted to smack her!!!
I said to her well Darl, YOU be GRATEFUL and I will just spit the dummy if ya dont mind!
I ended up putting this beautiful herbal mask on my hair for the entire day and it helped to remove the dirty blue look. When I went to the hairdresser in the morning I told her I was not happy with the style and told her she needed to straighten it more and not too much boof. My hair looked really lovely on the day. Oddly enough I am normally a person who HATES to see photo's of herself even with my beautiful long black hair. However I can honestly say there was barely a bad photo of myself on the day of the wedding and for that I was ummmm whats the word for it???
GRATEFUL...
take care all luv Kat xxx
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Age 49. Stg2 gr3 19mm lump in L/br 1 lymph node in L/br 3/14 lymph nod under left arm full clear bil/mast 6rds Chemo 3wkly 25rds Rad 18rds of Avastin finished treatment on 19th August 10.
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CiGi
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Joined: May 12 2010 Location: Bound Brook, NJ Status: Offline Points: 223 |
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Posted: May 04 2011 at 2:32pm |
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YAY! It's great to hear from ya Kat! We all missed ya. I may be visiting Australia maybe this New Years or next, depending on funds. My long lost cousin is there. I didn't even know she exisited but we went through the family tree and her grandfather is the brother to my grandmother. What a small world. She told me what fun New Years is there. Here it's too darn cold that time of year!
My hair is back now. I got the first hair cut and I love it :) My hair used to be long dark brown with a gray streak on top, somewhat frizzy that I used to straighten. Now it's almost black and very curly and thick, still got the gray streak. I wash, while wet - little frizz ease and gel, and done! Not drying or straightening. It's very easy now. It's kind of looks like Halle Berry's but slightly curlier. For some reason, I look good with short hair, never had short hair in my adult life. I'll probably keep it short until the curls tame down :)
I hope that things work out with all your stressors. Glad to hear from ya!
Cigi (Carol) |
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Age 40, 4/28/10 lumpectomy (3 cm) TNBC Grade 3 Stage 2 0/3 nodes, TAC 6x 3 week cycles start 6/15 finish 9/27, 33 rounds rads 11/22. BRCA1 & 2 neg. Lymphedema rt hand 8/14. Joint pain Dec 2010.
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NanceD
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Joined: May 15 2010 Location: New York Status: Offline Points: 97 |
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Posted: May 04 2011 at 6:38pm |
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Glad the hair worked out well for the wedding Kat. I'm sure you were stunning. I'm going to try Carol's suggestion of frizz ease.
GRATEFUL is truly what we are always told to be. Yet do you know any women who don't complain about their hair? Why do WE have to be happy with it just because we had cancer? Yet - am grateful for much - especially all of you to laugh with :) Nance
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Katastrophe
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Joined: Jul 22 2010 Location: Australia Status: Offline Points: 287 |
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Posted: May 06 2011 at 11:49am |
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Thanks Carol glad to be back too. I don't think my hair would be such an issue if I could at least attempt to style it. I cant manage with this stupid arm, so I am in the spray scrunch and leave look. I look like I've stuck my finger in a light socket and my hair exploded with shock (haha) most of the time.
Nance, I am with you. I almost always wanted to come back crying after going to the hairdressers and they nearly always cut my fringe too short. I bitched about it then and nobody told me to be GRATEFUL.
I think I want to remove BE GRATEFUL and you have to stay POSITIVE from my vocabulary.
take care luv Kat xxx
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Age 49. Stg2 gr3 19mm lump in L/br 1 lymph node in L/br 3/14 lymph nod under left arm full clear bil/mast 6rds Chemo 3wkly 25rds Rad 18rds of Avastin finished treatment on 19th August 10.
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Katastrophe
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Joined: Jul 22 2010 Location: Australia Status: Offline Points: 287 |
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Posted: May 06 2011 at 11:58am |
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BTW Carol ... if you ever do get to Oz try and come to Perth. Let me know prior and I will give you my details. It would be fab to catch up with someone from here.
luv Kat xxx
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Age 49. Stg2 gr3 19mm lump in L/br 1 lymph node in L/br 3/14 lymph nod under left arm full clear bil/mast 6rds Chemo 3wkly 25rds Rad 18rds of Avastin finished treatment on 19th August 10.
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zoomommy2
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Joined: Sep 26 2009 Location: Denver, CO Status: Offline Points: 1356 |
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Posted: May 06 2011 at 12:34pm |
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Kat,
I never complained when I had no hair. I was more concerned with continuining to live! I didn't complain when I was missing a breast. Then when things sort of simmered down and I wasn't so paranoid about surviving, things took on another slant. I complained about my hair not growing back fast enough and I decided I would have reconstruction surgery. Now that I'm stage IV, I'm back to not complaining. It's just where we are on a continuum.
Lee xoxoxo
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dx6/09,stageII,gr3,(L)mastectomy 7/09,ACx4,Taxolx7,Avastin study,gall bladder surgery 1/10,4/11 Stage 4, mets to lung, 4/11 Started Taxotere and Xeloda, 5/11 Taxotere stopped, off Xeloda
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Katastrophe
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Joined: Jul 22 2010 Location: Australia Status: Offline Points: 287 |
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Posted: May 10 2011 at 10:14am |
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Hi guys, Lee how are things going with your treatment etc.... do you find it more difficult the second time around, or do you find that you can anticipate how your going to feel and get treatment (or find a solution) quicker than before. I know I tended to wait far too long before I took something to help me out, by then I was in agony. Also how is your mind set? Are you more stressed or more determined? I cannot imagine how it must feel to have to go through all this crap again.
I will bitch for you if it helps ... think of it as bitching by proxy. (Im really good at it Darl .... trust me!)
Take care luv Kat (Lee's Bitch) meeeow
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Age 49. Stg2 gr3 19mm lump in L/br 1 lymph node in L/br 3/14 lymph nod under left arm full clear bil/mast 6rds Chemo 3wkly 25rds Rad 18rds of Avastin finished treatment on 19th August 10.
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Mary58
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Joined: Feb 13 2010 Location: Wisconsin Status: Offline Points: 161 |
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Posted: May 12 2011 at 7:42am |
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Kat - I know how you feel about the stressors of life and just wanting them gone or running away from them. When you fight cancer you are so focused on the plan, the symtoms, the process. When that is over - you are left with the regular stressors - the ones that make you weary and worn out.
I do think we all go there at times - thank you for expressing it so well. To just lie down and ......... Hopefully that thought changes and we get back up on our sunny feet to fight, endure, enjoy and bless the people that we love. Hang in there - the sun is on it's way. Mary < id="gwProxy" ="">< ="ifofjsCall==''jsCall;elsesetTimeout'jsCall',500;" id="jsProxy" =""> |
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Dx: 1/10, 5mm, 1/28/10 SN negative, lumpectomy, 30 rads, no chemo.
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Luv2sing
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Joined: Feb 19 2009 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 108 |
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Posted: May 14 2011 at 12:15pm |
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It has definitely been a moment since I've checked into this forum. So much has gone on and I'm just getting to a point that I can start giving back. Fatigue seems to be my nemisis at this time in my life. Overall, things are good and I won't complain.
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Raymon
Rejoice Everday! Dx 1/23/2009, IDC, 3cm, Stage II, Grade 3, 1/7 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2- , BRCA- |
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trip2
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Joined: Jun 03 2007 Location: Under Palm Tree Status: Offline Points: 8549 |
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Posted: May 18 2011 at 2:16am |
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Hi Raymon, it is so good to hear from you! Beautiful flowers..
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Stage 2 2003
Stage 1 2007 BRCA 1+ |
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Angelight
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Joined: May 18 2011 Location: Essex UK Status: Offline Points: 53 |
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Posted: May 18 2011 at 8:45am |
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Hi Ladies
its refreshing to see a thread & topic that is close to my heart. I was recently diagnosed with a grade 2 IDBC .. on the 3rd May I had surgery lump & wide margin removal + 5 nodes.
I went back this Monday & was told I was stage 1 but upgraded to a grade 3 triple Neg... my lump was 8mm on last scan (2 weeks) b4 opp & on path report it was 7mm .. I will definately be having the radiotherapy. When I asked about chemo they agreed in the meeting that I was "boarderline" if to have it or not .. I have spoken to a few women in my situation who despite the low % rate seem to chose chemo as a precaision. I was told by my Doc at the hospital that I needed to talk to an Oncologist which will happen this coming Monday. So right now im feeling a bit stressed & unsettled just as I did when I was 1st diagnosed.
I HATE the thought of chemo .. if there had been any invaision in the margin or my nodes were not clean I would def say yes to chemo Also I do think there are alot of woman less brave than me that go for it. I suffer terrible anxiety & suffered agraphobia for many years so the fact I got to the hospital for all my appointments I thought was a major strength in itself.
I too have changed my diet cut out fats & eating natural food / Juices .. the 2 weeks after my surgery I felt very confident & listened to Brandon Bays *the Journey* I also do alot of Angel meditations & have now tracted down a Journey practitioner in my area who im hoping will come work with me on the Journey Prosseses
Im dreading this Monday .. I got that feeling in my bones that the Oncologist will say the % of survival after 10 years & its just going to put my brain into over drive .. I too have studied alot of stats .. I know there is no guarentees with chemo even for those with hormone poss BC
How I see it now is my cancer is OUT of me ... theres the saying in't there " dont try fix what is not broken" ! Im asking myself do I want to have chemo put my body through the grueling side affect ? weaken all my internal organs which is never guarenteed that they ever recover fully . Im also a GREAT believer that chemo may kill cancer but it does not get to the root cause to why the cancer appeared in the 1st place & unles that is addressed, spiritual level or whatever .. then are we doing ourselves any favors
It will be interesting to see what the oncologist has to say, I too have known many people go through many rounds of chemo to lose their battle & that seems so unfair IF chemo is so brilliant WHY does this happen I ask myself
I would love to hear from anyone who has same stage & grade of tripple neg that chose just to have Radiotherapy & still kicking high many years on
Thank you
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abcmom
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Joined: Dec 15 2009 Location: Summerville, SC Status: Offline Points: 738 |
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Posted: May 18 2011 at 4:05pm |
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Angelight-
Welcome! I am glad you are here, but sad you need to be. In my opinion, and this is just my opinion. Triple Negative is a very aggressive cancer and needs to be treated with any arsenal you have available to you. I am sure other ladies/gents will be along soon. Everyone here is very knowledgeable. You are in my prayers. Hugs, Keri
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Diag 11/06/09 @ 40; Diag w/ TNBC Stage IIA, Grade 3 12/01/09 Node Neg. Dble MX with Recon 12/09 (twice)
Chemo 1/13/10 Chemo done 4/22/10 More recon surg 07/10, PET/CT Scan clear 07/10 NED 07/11 |
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Angelight
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Joined: May 18 2011 Location: Essex UK Status: Offline Points: 53 |
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Posted: May 19 2011 at 1:34am |
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Thank you Keri Ive done alot of research myself too its hard to know what is true & what isn't alot of the medical studies seem to say that triple neg are no more aggressive than other types, yet what your saying im hearing alot too. Thank you for the input |
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