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Tamara View Drop Down
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    Posted: Mar 13 2019 at 11:36am
Not quite sure where to post this but survivor guilt eats at my soul. Today is the one year anniversary of death of my 13 year old cousin who suffered terribly from brain cancer. Our 21 year old son is a vibrant young man but when he was 3 years old we suffered the loss of his 3 year old playmate who died from cancer, I held him and rocked him only hours before he went to Heaven. Another friend my age died from breast cancer while we were going through it together in 2014. We both had sons that were high school seniors at the time.
Why am I still here? My heart aches for those around me...
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romnessprite2 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote romnessprite2 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 20 2016 at 1:52am
One of our tnbc sisters has asked us all to pray for her.Dayle. she has had a recurrence when she just barely finished treatment. So lets all pray for her she is very depressed. She posted in the discussion that has the word Neoadjuvant therapy in it.
Stage 3A. TNBC Diagnosed 9/15/15 2cm grade3. 4AC & 12taxl .double mastectomy3/8/16. 25 rads finished6/2. xeloda started 7/7/16 stopped xeloda because of side effects7/14/16. BRCA+
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Cindielou View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote Cindielou Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 17 2016 at 9:54pm
Hi to all,
Thank you Lillie for your wisdom and comforting words. Everyone, you are always in my heart and prayers. I am so thankful for a place and a group where i know that truly you all understand. Today I have been reminded that God's will for us is perfect and that he has a plan for everything that we go through. It has really helped me to remember when I wake up each morning to be thankful for another day! I appreciate each day so much more now than ever and even though there seems to be an unending battle in my mind, there are stories I hear of people in much worse situations than mine.
Just wanted you all to know that you are prayed for and are on my mind often.
Blessings
Cindie
Cindie 49 yrs. old; diag.7/15; IDC Stage 2b; 2.6cm tumor, 1 affected node; AC+Taxol, dmx, PCR!!, 28 rads; finished 4/16
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Annie View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote Annie Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 08 2016 at 8:14pm


Hi Lisa, Welcome to the Spiritual Support Forum. This is a truly wonderful place for sure. What your Pastor said is so true!!! It is hard not to worry at times as we are human but calling to mind his words are very good.

           It is great that you have been going to this prayer meeting. I am sure that if you cannot attend due to what you are going through at the moment the prayers of the faithful will really help strengthen you in all areas.

       
           I like what you said about knowing that you were home as soon as you walked into the church. It reminded me of the very first time I went to a prayer meeting. It was a Monday night in January 1996 and I walked in and felt the very very same way! It has been such a blessing to me through the years. Thanks for sharing.

           God Bless.

           Love, Annie

Annie TNBC Stage IIA Gr 3 1cm lesion 2/5 lymph nodes+ lumpectomy,FEC & D 30Rads finished(08/2009) BRCA- Chronic Cellulitis due to Radiation-- L.Mastectomy Jan 2012
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Lbsaeger View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Lbsaeger Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 07 2016 at 10:32am
Hi.
I have been a Christian for over 10 years. I was Jewish and stopped practicing as a child. I went to bible study 10 years ago. I never really found a church until 4 months ago.
It's such a growing church. As soon as I walked in I knew I was home. I also go to this prayer group on Weds.
While the pastor was praying he said this is in spirit. Stop worrying and bring scared. 90% of what you worry about doesn't happen. I knew it was for me.
What's your name?
Lisa
Thanks for writing me:)
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romnessprite2 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote romnessprite2 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 07 2016 at 1:51am
I have heard cancer survivors say they had to discover their new normal. New self. Its still sometimes a shock to look in the mirror. I remember experiencing something like this when i started college. I was surprised to see an adult looking back. I still felt like a kid. Lost in a different world.
Really God is the only stable factor in anyones life. He doesnt change. Loves us just the same no matter what. He knows who we really are and loves us anyway. When we dont know who we are or where we are going Its nice to know our Abba Father does. He always has a hold of us we just dont always know it. Anyway I know that I look at the world differently now. I notice all the beauty in the world more now. Simple things like sunsets. But most of all I cherish my family. I also have new friends and lost some too. Some people who I didnt know very well ended up being more supportive than some I knew for years. Its ok. People come and go but God stays the same.
Have a peaceful aleep everyone.
Stage 3A. TNBC Diagnosed 9/15/15 2cm grade3. 4AC & 12taxl .double mastectomy3/8/16. 25 rads finished6/2. xeloda started 7/7/16 stopped xeloda because of side effects7/14/16. BRCA+
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Jacklin View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Jacklin Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 05 2016 at 10:40pm
Dear Cindielou and Lillie,

Praise God for what you both posted here today!! I am close to the end of active treatment and am finding that the numbness of my diagnosis is just starting to wear off. I find myself looking in the mirror saying "Wow, I have cancer, like really, I have cancer!". My world was seriously rocked and I have hung onto the precious words of our Saviour, but find that sometimes I am struggling with my faith. Just what does God want from me at this point in my life going forward. What is He wanting me to learn? What now Lord? I honestly don't know the answers to these questions and know that I have to wait for Him to reveal where and what He wants me to do next. 

Lillie, you mentioned the people that we need to side-step - well said! I feel a bit lost with my friends, they don't know what to say or do. I find myself frustrated because I actually need more support now that treatment is ending than I did before. The fatigue is hard to describe other than bone-tiring. While I am starting to grow hair and 'look better', I don't feel better; in fact, I feel worse. It seems the hardest part of this TNBC diagnosis is between the ears! Today I struggled with so much brain fog, the simplest tasks were not possible, I couldn't do them. I was gentle with myself and let things go because there was no other option. I pray that I don't experience too many days like today. 

Ginie: Wow Girl, look at you go!!! Big smile.  I recall reading how you didn't even want to consider treatment when you were first diagnosed and look how much you encourage each of us here. Great articulation, thanks for sharing and reminding me how faithful He truly is.

He is good, all the time.  Thankfully when my earthly friends leave me I know I am NEVER alone. All I have to do is reach out and grasp His hand, it's always there, the question is, will I reach out to Him? I pray that each one of you will reach out and grasp His hand, wherever you are. Thank goodness we can pray for each other. Much strength for each one of you. Sleep well, under His care.
Peace,
Jackie
Dx: Nov. 27/15, TNBC, left breast & lymph, BRCA -; Chemo: Dec 4/15 - Mar 4/16; 4 DD A/C, 3 DD Taxol; BMX/ALND: April 26/16; Stage 3C; Radiation: June 10-July 15/16; 1 cycle Xeloda: Aug 15 - 28/16
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Lillie View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Lillie Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 05 2016 at 10:08pm
Dear Cindielou,
I've been posting on this site since 2009.  Your post could be 'one of my posts' through the years.  My world was rocked.  Through my treatments I felt that I was out of fellowship with my Savior Jesus Christ.  After treatments I learned that the hard part had just begun.  I wanted to be an encourager but found myself in need of so much encouragement. 
What I learned is that chemo can cause such mental confusion that we do begin to doubt our Faith.   After treatment had ended I had to find the 'new me'.  I had to learn to accept some family rejection.  They didn't know what to say or how to handle it.  Also the side-stepping of former friends because they just didn't know how to confront me after cancer.  I had to initiate conversations just to let people know that "as far as I knew, I was OK". 
Over time I have become an encourager, but still seek encouragement for myself.  I have had the privilege, since 2009 of volunteering at the oncology clinic where I received my treatment.  When my husband died in 2014 I was asked to join the employee of the clinic as a "patient support" person.  I am most BLESSED and I Praise God Daily.  Posting on this Spiritual Support site has been one of my Greatest Blessings so far in my life. 
I keep all of you in my prayers for strength and courage to Fight this Fight....
Love and God Bless,
Lillie
Dx 6/06 age 65,IDC-TNBC
Stage IIb,Gr3,2cm,BRCA-
6/06 L/Mast/w/SNB,1of3 Nodes+
6/06 Axl. 9 nodes-
8/8 thru 11/15 Chemo (Clin-Trial) DD A/Cx4 -- DD taxol+gemzar x4
No Rads.
No RECON - 11/2018-12 yrs NED
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Cindielou View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Cindielou Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 05 2016 at 9:35pm
Hi everyone! I'm Cindie and am so glad to have found this forum. I have wandered around the site but you ladies are exactly what i was looking for. I am a follower of Jesus and am thankful for His love and sovereignty but this TNBC has really rocked my world. My treatment is finished but I am learning that the hard part has only just begun. I want to be an encourager to others but find myself needing so much encouragement. I will be praying for all of us as we move along this path.

Those who know your name, trust in you O Lord. For you do not abandon those who search for you.
Psalm 9:10
Cindie 49 yrs. old; diag.7/15; IDC Stage 2b; 2.6cm tumor, 1 affected node; AC+Taxol, dmx, PCR!!, 28 rads; finished 4/16
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote snugltz Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 05 2016 at 7:02pm
Hi Lisa
 
Nothing to join, you are already a member if you have cancer. We are here for you as Romnessprite said. I will add you to my prayer list.
 
Romnessprite (I forgot you real name sorry).  As I said before you continue to amaze me.  You are the most caring, articulate, understanding, thoughtful person in your posts at least.  (don't know you in person:)  )  You should be a writer or inspiration speaker.  God is DEFINATELY using you here on this TNBC website.  You yourself have the same problems to deal with regarding the cancer along with apparently others also, yet you show such compassion for others.  Amazing!!!  You truly show the Christian spirit we all should show more of.  So you are an inspiration for me. 
1 cm, 0/2 neg nodes, lumpectomy 6/16/10, cytoxin/taxotere 4x every three weeks, rad start 11/8 33X
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote romnessprite2 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 05 2016 at 6:49pm
Hi Lisa. Its me again. I am a christian and this discussion has been so encouraging. Have you gone back through the pages and read about the miracles and answers to prayer? Our God is amazing and He loves you. When i was first diagnosed i struggled with my faith. Ive been a christian for 50 years and been through trials before. God has always walked me through them. I knew He would this time too but I was so frustrated and angry. I was already going through a hard time with my daughter and this was too much. But He is faithful and has really blessed me in ways I couldnt have seen if i didnt go through this.
Feel free to share prayer requeats and anything you need. As sisters and brothers in Christ we share one anothers burdens and that makes them lighter to carry.
Stage 3A. TNBC Diagnosed 9/15/15 2cm grade3. 4AC & 12taxl .double mastectomy3/8/16. 25 rads finished6/2. xeloda started 7/7/16 stopped xeloda because of side effects7/14/16. BRCA+
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote Lbsaeger Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 05 2016 at 6:13pm
I'm Lisa
I would like to join this spiritual group.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote romnessprite2 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 02 2016 at 2:50am
I havnt been able to access site for a week. Im so sorry to hear about Beth. I went back and read her posts of her fight with tnbc. What an example she still is. Her posts are still here so in a way she is still here to encourage all future tnbc warriors.
    I was especially touched by all of the people who have talked about how living each day was her fucus. Enjoying her family and traveling. She didnt let this disease become the focus of life. None of us know how long we have on this earth thankfully thats in Gods hands. We who are fighting cancer get a chance to see life differenty. To really value each day more. Really it is a blessing from Him how He brings our life into sharp focus. It helps us to see how limited our time is so we have the oppertunity to make the most of it.
   How sad is the person who discovers this too late. I never want to go to bed and sleep at night no matter how tired I am because it is the end of a day. I know each day is a new beginning but each day does come to an end. Im thankful God has given me the oppertunity to see how preciouse our time here is.
Stage 3A. TNBC Diagnosed 9/15/15 2cm grade3. 4AC & 12taxl .double mastectomy3/8/16. 25 rads finished6/2. xeloda started 7/7/16 stopped xeloda because of side effects7/14/16. BRCA+
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Jacklin Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 27 2016 at 11:30am
I honestly don't know what to say, I am so sorry to hear this. I will be praying for her family, friends and loved ones at this very difficult time, for strength for each day, courage to face each day and for comfort that only our Heavenly Father can provide.
Dx: Nov. 27/15, TNBC, left breast & lymph, BRCA -; Chemo: Dec 4/15 - Mar 4/16; 4 DD A/C, 3 DD Taxol; BMX/ALND: April 26/16; Stage 3C; Radiation: June 10-July 15/16; 1 cycle Xeloda: Aug 15 - 28/16
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Fats1976 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 26 2016 at 12:33pm
RIP Beth..... you helped so many. May her family find peace in the fact, that she is no longer suffering, and at rest now.
May God be with you all in this time of sadness.
Mom Dx 9/12
Stage 1c No Nodes involved.
Lump clear margins 10/12. Started 6 months of cmf chemo 11/12. Ended 4/13. RADS 28 tx 7 boosts ended 7/13. 02/14 Scans NED. 10/14 Scans NED. 6/15 Scans NED.

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Genie View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Genie Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 25 2016 at 8:29pm
I am so sorry to hear about Beth. She struggled long and hard. Father, I ask You to place your comforting hands on her family and this time, give them the peace that only you can give. These things I ask in the precious name of Your Son, Jesus.
DX 3/10/08 at age 67, IDC. Stage 1, Grade 3, 1.5 cm.
KI-67 99% at MX . Bilateral mastectomy 4/1/08 Node-, BRCA 1/2-,BARD1+, TX:Cytoxan/Taxotere x4,3 in family with TNBC
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Tulips Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 24 2016 at 9:25pm
Beth was clearly a wonderful inspiration for so many of us, and just a lovely person.  This is so sad, but I hope her family can take comfort in their memories of such an incredible woman who helped so many.  Heartbreaking.
Dx April 2015 IDC TN 2.2 cm, Grade 3, Chemo started May 2015: Taxol/Carbo then AC, Lx with SNB Nov 2015, 33 Rad Dec 2015-Feb 2016. 6 months Capecitabine starting March 2016
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Lillie Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 24 2016 at 7:59pm
I am praying for Beth's family to find the courage and strength to go forward at this sad time.   She will be missed here on this site also.
 
God Bless,
Lillie
Dx 6/06 age 65,IDC-TNBC
Stage IIb,Gr3,2cm,BRCA-
6/06 L/Mast/w/SNB,1of3 Nodes+
6/06 Axl. 9 nodes-
8/8 thru 11/15 Chemo (Clin-Trial) DD A/Cx4 -- DD taxol+gemzar x4
No Rads.
No RECON - 11/2018-12 yrs NED
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Annie Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 24 2016 at 12:29pm



     I am so sorry to hear about Beth. She was so valiant!

          
     I pray for the consolation of her family and loved ones. We will remember her with fondness.

     
     May Perpetual Light Shine Upon Her Oh Lord and May her soul and the souls of the Faithful departed Rest in Peace. Amen.
Annie TNBC Stage IIA Gr 3 1cm lesion 2/5 lymph nodes+ lumpectomy,FEC & D 30Rads finished(08/2009) BRCA- Chronic Cellulitis due to Radiation-- L.Mastectomy Jan 2012
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote 123Donna Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 24 2016 at 11:02am
Beth passed this morning.  This is a message from our mother:  Our dear Beth's soul slipped peacefully to heaven this morning at 5 am. She was brave and courageous for so long. We will miss her so much but are happy she is at peace.
DX IDC TNBC 6/09 age 49, Stage 1,Grade 3, 1.5cm,0/5Nodes,KI-67 48%,BRCA-,6/09bi-mx, recon, T/C X4(9/09)
11/10 Recur IM node, Gem,Carb,Iniparib 12/10,MRI NED 2/11,IMRT Radsx40,CT NED11/13,MRI NED3/15

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