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overwelming sadness

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Bernadette View Drop Down
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    Posted: Mar 14 2010 at 10:56pm
 Cant seem to shake the feeling that I will never be happy again. I have had cancer since December 2007. triple negative stage 4 according to the sheets. I've gone through surgery, chemo, radiation. Im doing most things I did before but this constant interruption in my life of tests and appointments is a constant sadness in my life. I hate that my family had to live through this. I hate that I had members of my family that needed support and I was too sick to do anything. I hate that some people I thought were friends abandoned me. I hate that it robbed me of going to events that will never happen again.  I hate the comments about how it doesn't matter that my family understood. IT MATTERS TO ME. I wanted to be there. I don't want to have the side effects of chemo. I don't want to be tired. I want to be posative. I want to be able to laugh. I want to be able to trust that I am healthy. How can I.
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dmwolf View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote dmwolf Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Mar 14 2010 at 11:48pm
Sweetie, I'm sorry you are feeling so sad.  A lot of us are on anti-depressants to help shake the feeling and enjoy our lives, however intruded upon by cancer.  Have you tried a drug?  Are you seeing a therapist and in a real-life support group?  Those help too.  I do ALL of it - drugs, therapy, support groups, see lots of friends, spend time with family, and get as much exercise as I can.  Spending time outdoors helps too, especially now as the world wakes up for spring.   

Are you on chemo now?  If so, those drugs, and the steroids they give as premeds, are depressants in themselves.  When I was on chemo I got incredibly depressed for a week and a half out of every three week cycle.  I changed anti-depressants (to Cymbalta) which helped a bit, along with the other long list of strategies. 

I hope you sleep well tonight, and that tomorrow morning finds the world looking a little brighter.  

Always feel that you can vent here: the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Love,
Denise
DX 2/08@43 stg II IDC; gr2,0 nodes. Neoadj chemo, first ACx2 (fail) then CarboTaxotereX6(better). Lump, Rads done 11/08; Clodronate. False alarm queen: PetCT lung & TM marker. NED. PBM w/recon 9/10.
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SusanE1104 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote SusanE1104 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Mar 15 2010 at 4:33pm
Dear Bernadette,
Denise always puts my thoughts into words so much better than I can.  So I'll just say ditto to the above post.  She has good results with Cymbalta.  Pristiq has worked wonders for me.
Take care,
Susan
Susan 62 1987 Stage 1   1/09 Stage IV bilat. mast. liver mets BRCA1+ Taxol & Avastin
8/09 NED
12/09 liver mets Taxol/Avastin
4/10 liver mets
11/22 Parp Car/gem
parp failed
2/2011 Ixempra
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