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Finishing chemo...scared

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islandmama View Drop Down
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    Posted: Nov 14 2014 at 10:16pm
I am almost finished chemo but truthfully I'm scared to be done. It's funny because I was scared to get started with chemo and now that the end of chemo is here it's freaking me out. I guess I'm scared of not being constantly in treatments and having somebody watch over me.
I have been in chemo since June. of course I'm triple negative. I'm 35 years old my tumor was 4.7 cm grade 3, I had negative nodes except for one node was positive on immunostain only. I'm stage II B. All of my prechemo scans were clear including bone scan and chest abdomen CAT scan. I had four cycles of AC every three weeks followed by 12 weekly taxol. I just finished taxol number 10. I still have radiation to go but I'm still scared. Just wondering if anybody else's felt this way? Have I done everything that I could to prevent recurrence? Did I make the right choice on chemo? I was offered dose dense versus conventional and I chose conventional. My oncologist was against dose dense it was actually me that brought it up. I know that most people get dose dense that have triple negative but still even with the size of my tumor I was still considered early breast cancer. I guess that's the biggest fear for me did I make the right choice? I know but nobody can answer that question and nobody will actually know the answer. But of course I still think about it all the time... Thanks for listening I just wanted to get my thoughts out and wonder if anybody else is feeling the same as me..

Edited by islandmama - Nov 14 2014 at 10:17pm
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123Donna View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote 123Donna Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 15 2014 at 12:12pm
Islandmama,

I think most of us have felt the same thing when finishing chemo.  You feel like you are actively fighting this disease, but once chemo's done, we have no adjuvant therapy so we begin to worry.  It's completely normal and while it doesn't help your fears, please know its part of the new normal for a TNBC patient.  The second guessing of your treatment plan is also normal.  

Donna
DX IDC TNBC 6/09 age 49, Stage 1,Grade 3, 1.5cm,0/5Nodes,KI-67 48%,BRCA-,6/09bi-mx, recon, T/C X4(9/09)
11/10 Recur IM node, Gem,Carb,Iniparib 12/10,MRI NED 2/11,IMRT Radsx40,CT NED11/13,MRI NED3/15

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islandmama View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote islandmama Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 15 2014 at 5:33pm
Thank you Donna
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MLindaG View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MLindaG Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 15 2014 at 8:49pm
islandmama, I too did the same chemo treatment as you and then saw all the comments about dose dense etc. From what I've read both are considered equally good as treatment options. It depends on where you live as to what they recommend. As you can see I ended up with a PCR and I'm doing well and I'm almost 2 years from completing my chemo. I think everyone has mixed feelings after all the chemo is complete but as time goes on and you feel better and get back to life and you start to feel a bit better and you don't think about it too much! Congrat's on almost being done!! Good luck with the next part of your journey!
Dx TNBC 6/12; age 59; Stage 3, Grade 3; 3.5 cm, 3/10 nodes + chest wall nodes; A/C x4, T x 12 completed 12/12 with PCR, 2/13/13 lump; IMRT Rads x 33 completed 5/22/13 BRCA 1 negative.
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Lillie View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Lillie Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 15 2014 at 10:06pm
Dear Islandmama,
Having fear when chemo ends is part of the journey. It is a strange thing, but true. Also having the feeling that you should have done more chemo, or done it different is a part of the journey.
I did a clinical trial which had me on dose dense AC followed by dose dense taxol and gemzar. I did not have radiation and that was my greatest worry. I also had 1 lymph node with micromets. But that was 8 years ago.
One Day at a Time and enjoy each day as best you can....

God Bless,
Lillie


Edited by Lillie - Nov 15 2014 at 10:07pm
Dx 6/06 age 65,IDC-TNBC
Stage IIb,Gr3,2cm,BRCA-
6/06 L/Mast/w/SNB,1of3 Nodes+
6/06 Axl. 9 nodes-
8/8 thru 11/15 Chemo (Clin-Trial) DD A/Cx4 -- DD taxol+gemzar x4
No Rads.
No RECON - 11/2018-12 yrs NED
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote 123Donna Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 16 2014 at 10:52am
Islandmama,

The cancer center I go to is an NCCN facility.  I found out a couple of years ago they offer free counseling services to their cancer patients.  I was still having trouble sleeping and anxiety at night.  I decided to try them out.  It was very beneficial and helpful to me.  I stopped going after my hysterectomy last year, then went again for 4 or more sessions this year where we worked on cognitive changes and tried to incorporate mindfulness, meditation, visual imagery & relaxation techniques.  I've found it a valuable resource and know if something comes up again that I need help dealing with, they will be there for me.  

As Steve always tells us: Try To Find the Beauty in Each Day.  I've taken his advice to heart and try to live every day finding something beautiful in it.  

Donna
DX IDC TNBC 6/09 age 49, Stage 1,Grade 3, 1.5cm,0/5Nodes,KI-67 48%,BRCA-,6/09bi-mx, recon, T/C X4(9/09)
11/10 Recur IM node, Gem,Carb,Iniparib 12/10,MRI NED 2/11,IMRT Radsx40,CT NED11/13,MRI NED3/15

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Tamara View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Tamara Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 17 2014 at 9:18am
I am 3 weeks out of chemo and felt the exact same way you are feeling . Had the same chemo you did and I felt safe , but without thechemo the safety net is gone! Just had follow up mammo and dr said chemo did its job. Hearing those words were music to my ears. I had a lumpectomy in April followed by 5 day radiation then the chemo. It has been a journey but I am ready to move forward . What you are feeling is what many of us do . One day at a time.
God bless,
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote nancyannee Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Feb 08 2015 at 9:33am
Islandmama, 2 more rounds of Taxol and I too will be done chemo.

Before I ever actually had cancer, I couldn't even fathom the thought of willingly poisoning myself in such a manner as this... Everything changes when cancer becomes a reality. Scared and terrified, I knew two things right away, I wanted the cancer gone and I am not ready to die anytime soon. I learned to never say never because like it or not my only option is to survive and I couldn't do that without the chemo.

So here we are together finishing this leg of our journey to eradicate cancer and get on with our lives. The long term statistical data I dug up on dose dense versus lower and slower doses shows no difference in survival rates either way. I decided the only difference is lower doses take longer while potentially lessening the impact of the severity of the side effects that are more likely to occur with the larger doses given over a shorter period of time.

Well, I am a rip the band aid off kinda girl so given the choice, I opted for dose dense Taxol, in order to get done faster and get on with the rest of my treatment as soon as possible. I see chemo as only a step in this process that gives my body and immune system the clean slate it needs to reboot and regrow only healthy cells.

My fears stem from the knowledge that the next step begins and ends with me and the choices I now have to make in order for my body to heal itself like I know it IS designed to do in the first place.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and fears, your sharing helps me in turn share and this too is new for me.

We can and will make it through this, especially as long as there are people like you not afraid to put yourself out there in the first place and help those like me who are naturally inclined to hide in a hole somewhere and suffer in silence and alone.

peace and blessings to you as I have learned that sharing our burdens, worries, fears and questions with each other only serves to make us all the more stronger and able. to conquer this task we've been given to beat cancer once and for all!!

peace

nancy
Dx 09/14 IDC-TNBC
ST-3a,T2M2M0,3.8cm,BRCA-
10/14 bil/mast, 6 of 13 Nodes+
AC4/DDT4 comp. 05-2015
surg. to remove my GB 04/2015
Rads scheduled 05/2015
Recon after Rads??
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Chatham Girl View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Chatham Girl Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Feb 08 2015 at 6:55pm
I just finished everything and was feeling exactly the same!  I had 4 rounds of AC, 12 rounds of taxol, 4 carboplatin, and 35 days of radiation-7 of which were dense dose.  It was a long time of being taken care of and actively fighting the cancer.  It is scary that I am now on my own.  I just started back at the gym and am eating healthier- I guess that is what I can do to keep healthy.  Just hoping it was a one time thing!

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