reflections of a grandfather (w/pic)

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Dear all,
as many of you may have seen, I have become a grandfather, again. A beautiful little boy born about ten days ago. My daughter is his mother and she is doing well as is the little guy. I wanted to share what is in my heart with you...since, after all, you are my family, too.

I am transfixed by this child. I just keep staring at him, and staring at him, and staring at him, as I hold him. I have found what I feel is one of his favorite spots. It’s a big chair we have in the family room, that I sit in with him, and I have a way of holding him with his head gently nestled in the crook of my left arm and his body is supported by my arm and my belly. He generally falls asleep when I hold him, that way, and I am truly in heaven when he does...

He seems to know my voice...does he see me? I think he does and yes every once in awhile he has this lovely smile...yeah, yeah I know-probably gas   but I like to think he is smiling at me. And sometimes he breathes very fast and I gently rub his chest and tell him that “Grandpa loves you” and he quiets down and his breathing becomes more regular. 

I also watch my wife with him, my daughter and son-in-law with him and I marvel at the love that surrounds this child and that warms my heart as well. My daughter and wife, separately, read him a book yesterday with such expressiveness. Their love for him filled me with incredible joy.

There is just something about him...that transports me to another place. I keep telling my wife, daughter and SIL, over and over “isn’t he beautiful...isn’t he wonderful?” I get these smiles in return and a “yes, honey” or “yes, Daddy” or “yes, Steve” and I realize I am saying it too much and that I am probably turning into one of those obnoxious grandfathers so I will probably not say it so much but in my singing heart I say it to myself over and over..."look at this marvelous child...soooooo lovely...little one, your presence graces our lives...I love you.....be healthy, my sweet child.” Writing “my sweet child” just now made me realize that I don’t think of him, solely, as a grandchild but as an extension of my daughter, somehow. Yes, yes, I know he is my grandson, not my son, but the feelings I have for him can’t be categorized so precisely. The love I have for my daughter, which has been incredibly profound for 31 years, is now also shared with my grandson. It is like he is a part of her and I love him as I love her. I am afraid I am perhaps incoherent so I shall stop going down that path. I think you guys get it. 

And my wife told me, yesterday, to continue to follow my heart regarding my advocacy work. So, I am off to MD Anderson today to be with a patient who got some very tough news yesterday. I realize that my grandson fills my heart but so does my work. Hopefully, with his help, I will find some balance. When I am with him, I am able to put cancer aside for some moments. Yes, it’s always there but when I have him in my arms, I have him in my arms and the world looks more hopeful. He truly, truly, fills my heart with joy. Thank you little one for being you.

I tell folks here, often, to please try to find the beauty in each day. Well, each time I hold my grandson I realize I have found it. 

my love to all,

Steve

p.s. I wrote above..”I realize I am saying it too much..” and I think back maybe 6 months ago and I was out with my adored granddaughter, age 10, for dinner..just the two of us. There is a restaurant called Scott’s in Palo Alto and they have white butcher block paper on the table instead of tablecloths. It was very busy that night and the service was very slow, so I moved the plates to one side and started to write “I love you, always, Grandpa” and my granddaughter watched me so silently, yet intently, as I wrote. I filled up the whole sheet (literally maybe 100 times) with this message and I said to her “Grandpa went a bit over the top, huh?” and she looked at me so seriously and said “Grandpa when you love someone as much as you love me you can never tell them ‘I love you’ too often.” Wisdom from the mouth of babes that went straight to my heart. I began to cry at her words and her sincerity and her love for me and her realization of how much I love her. She came to me and comforted me and said “Grandpa, sorry, I didn’t mean to make you cry.” "No, sweetheart, they are tears of joy. We are so lucky to have it each other. It is just so beautiful.” And, as always, she understood. My little soulmate. She ‘gets’ me. So maybe it’s o.k. that I keep telling the world, for awhile, how beautiful my grandson is. I have a feeling you guys will let me know when it is too much...

Edited by steve - Sep 14 2011 at 11:43pm