Go To Main TNBC Website


  New Posts New Posts RSS Feed - Denise Lynne Lambeth-Manny
  FAQ FAQ  Forum Search   Events   Register Register  Login Login

Denise Lynne Lambeth-Manny

 Post Reply Post Reply
Author
dmwolf View Drop Down
Senior Member
Senior Member
Avatar

Joined: Jan 22 2009
Location: Berkeley, CA
Status: Offline
Points: 3619
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote dmwolf Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: Denise Lynne Lambeth-Manny
    Posted: Sep 16 2010 at 6:57am
Our dear friend Denise Lambeth-Manny has died.  She was very young, very beautiful, and filled with the most gorgeous articulate spirit.  I was lucky enough to meet her in person in SF before she moved back to Hawaii.  Here is her husband Brian's post:

"
DENISE LYNNE LAMBETH-MANNY

Born: April 18 1976

Died: August 25 2010

Survived by a loving husband, a caring mother and father, supporting brothers and extended family and literally thousands of fans world wide!



When I found Denise unconscious last night, I thought it wasn't real.  I thought she was sleeping and I just needed to get her to a more comfortable place.  Even when I picked her off the floor, I thought it was just a matter of time before she snapped out of it.  Even as I was yelling for 911 from the basement and beginning CPR, I was waiting for her to be mad that I was overreacting.  It wasn't until being pulled off her by the medics that it hit me.  "I never got to say good-bye!"

I know that's not exactly true, because we've been working at the good-bye for two years.  This night, however, I didn't.  I forgot to kiss her on the forehead when I went upstairs to eat with her grandmother.  I had been by her side all day, except for 30 min. and I forgot to say it.  As we were traveling to the hospital I just wanted the opportunity to tell her, "I Love You!"  She never wanted to be put on a ventilator, so I couldn't help to worry that she was going to be pissed at me when she woke up, but she wasn't.  They got her conscious enough in the hospital for her to look me in the eye, and sign "I Love You."

She also was telling us that, "It's okay," and motioning to take the tube out.  She lasted consciously until her father made it her from Hilo.  The moment he got there, she fell into the most comfortable sleep.  We removed her from the aids of the machines and she drifted on at 8:50 AM PDT.  I have been quietly preparing myself for that moment for two years, but I cannot tell you how wrong I was.  There is no prep for losing a wife!  The moment she closed her eyes I missed her so terribly!  It's hard to breathe, everything looks fuzzy, I just want one more day, but that would be so selfish.  She chose when to go and where to do it.

She's so damn smart, it makes sick sometimes!  She left me on the edge of Long Lake in Washington.  It's such a beautiful day with boaters carrying on and Mt. Rainier looming over the opposite shore.  She new that I would find peace here.  I can fell her in everything I do.  I can't help but see her standing behind me watching me type.  She always says, "She'll find me!"  The peace I feel inside isn't going to make this easy.  Her battle lasted two years, but mine goes on.

I can't tell you how long that battle will be.  I slept today, which is something I didn't think would happen.  Is that healing?  I laughed about Denise's stubbornness.  Is that healing?  How do you ever heal from this.  Every moment reminds me of something we did together or something she said to make me laugh.  Nobody has made me laugh the way she did. 

I'm not sure how often I'll keep this blog going.  I guess I never knew how often I would write, but it sorta happened.  I want to tell you all that your interest in something that a random couple writes about their experience with cancer, blew us away.  I don't think she would have made it as long as she did without this little site.  To know and understand how you all feel, makes me a little stronger.  This can't be easy for many of you.  I know not being here is killing some of you.  There's nothing that we can do, except live in her name and with her memory. 

The specifics of a memorial are still a little cloudy.  It's going to be in Hilo probably the second weekend in September.  My thought is that we'll do it at our house, big property, great views and plenty parking.  I want you to all know, that Denise wouldn't want to to fret over being there if you cannot make it!  Our arms however, will be wide open to those of you choosing to share the time with us.  I'll put the final info on the blog when we work it out.

I'll leave you today with this............Denise was and is a powerful woman!  She owned her life.  Did things her way and expected great things from her loved ones.  My life is so full of love from her and I owe it to her to do the things that we didn't get to do together.  Her pain is over, and for that, I'm happy.  Together is how we all can get through this.  Love your neighbor as anger gets us nowhere!

Peace, Love and Happiness

Your and Forever

I Love you Baby!

Brian Philip Manny
"
DX 2/08@43 stg II IDC; gr2,0 nodes. Neoadj chemo, first ACx2 (fail) then CarboTaxotereX6(better). Lump, Rads done 11/08; Clodronate. False alarm queen: PetCT lung & TM marker. NED. PBM w/recon 9/10.
Back to Top
dmwolf View Drop Down
Senior Member
Senior Member
Avatar

Joined: Jan 22 2009
Location: Berkeley, CA
Status: Offline
Points: 3619
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote dmwolf Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 16 2010 at 7:00am
Here is one of Denise Lambeth's last blog posts.  I wanted to post it here so those who didn't get to know her can get a sense of who she was.

"Thursday, July 8, 2010
The Calcification of Hope
Brian tells me it's not my responsibility to protect anyone from bad or sad news.  This blog was created for updates - good and bad.  I've said it before, I never promised rainbows and blue skies all the time.  I just promised honesty.  I guess I just wish that I did have a miracle to share with you.  I wish I had some good news about all the hope and wishes and prayers that we all have been putting in a bucket...well, my bucket still has a big hole, and it seems that we can't fill it with wishes fast enough.

We've known for the past 6 weeks or so that the chemo is not really working.  My liver tumor is still growing.  I go through peaks and valleys of pain and no-pain.  The chemo does help in pushing the tumor back, but it's like fighting a wild fire with a garden hose.  If you are envisioning a withering Denise stuck in bed, that's not the case.  I am up and about, I'm distracting myself with helping alohAMondays, having a few select visitors, enjoying the sky, reading, cooking, and anything to get my mind off of things.  I have been avoiding the blog because I'm just tired of people feeling sorry for me, tired of people hoping and praying for an outcome that may not be in my future, tired of telling you guys that no matter how bad things get that I am going to pull through.  The truth is, considering my current treatment we are only doing our best to extend my life.  That could be months, it could be years, but our window of hope for a cure has all but closed at this point.

I know this news leaves you in a suspended state of not knowing what to say or what to do.  I know you want to shake someone to do something, you want to find a miracle cure and tell anyone who will listen that my life cannot end this way.  You want to tell me that you are sorry and offer yourself for anything that you can do to help...but you know what I need from you right now?  Is to join me and learn to not be afraid of facing death.  To not look upon me as unfortunate, or isolate me as different, and to not pity me.  Life ends, we all know this.  Some of us have had to face death in losing a husband, or mother, or child before we felt we had enough time together.  But I ask you, how much is enough time together?  I used to bargain with Death, "just 17 years, give me 17 more years with Brian and then you can take me".  I don't know why 17, but I thought that a reasonable number.  Then it changed to 10 years as we continued to get bad news about my cancer, then it went down to 5 years, and currently I'm hoping for 2.  Whatever time I am granted it will never be enough.  I will always want one more day, one more moment.  What I realize now is that I already have everything I need to move on to the next step.  Every extra moment I have, every extra sunrise I see is a precious and generous gift.

This blog has become much more than I ever thought it would be.  At first it was just a way to get the news out to family and friends about the course of my treatment.  I didn't foresee it turning into a mode of communicating to a larger network of people about the strife of being a young woman struggling for life.  I didn't think that I would ever have to report the news that I might be losing this battle.  I didn't think that these private and personal events of my life would be made public to people that may not know me in person...but can connect to me in heart.

When I was first diagnosed I kept telling myself that everything happens for a reason - that this cancer was given to me for a greater purpose...but I couldn't figure out what that purpose was. Maybe my purpose is to be a voice - a voice for the dying to give life for the living.  I mean, I'm still not convinced that my fight is over - far from it.  Even though I accept death is my ultimate outcome, I will still remain a soldier treating this body like a temple and doing everything in my power to be as healthy as possible.  Maybe you can tell me my purpose.  I feel that all of this is worth it if I have convinced any one of you to make a positive change in your life.  Have you gotten health insurance?  Do you watch what you eat more carefully?  Do you read labels on your lotions and shampoos?  Have you educated yourself on what cancerous toxins exist in your environment?  Do you eat less refined sugars and processed food?  Have you cut back on drinking?  Quit smoking?  How about on a overall quality of life perspective?  Have you reached out to an estranged brother or father?  Said "I love you" to someone that deserves to hear that in your life?  Forgiven someone for something that you are holding on to useless anger for?  Decided to let go of people that are toxic to your own health?  Have you chosen to live a more peaceful life?  Do you stop and appreciate everything that you have?  Tell me.  Tell me how your life has changed.  This is the medicine that I need.  My heart has infinite room for your stories of success, no matter how small you think it is...tell me.  You can email niseandbrian@gmail.com.  If we've never met, even better.  Tell me how two strangers can be connected through grace.

Hope for me is a shining white flag that sails above us through the storm.  Our soaring hope for a cure of my cancer is stiffening up in the harsh elements it is being battered in.  Our hope has exhausted so many choices and attempts to outrun this cancer.  But our hope doesn't have to only exist for life.  Hope extends to a greater good.  Hope exists for the realization of love, and for the happiness that lives inside each of us.  My hope is to have each and every one of you find your inner happiness and realize that no matter how good or bad your life may seem, that inner happiness will always exist inside of you.

That is all for now.  I will make up for lost time on the blog.  I know you all respect my need to take the time to find the right way to share this news with you.  I just needed some time.

love,
Denise



PS - I owe so many good people a call, an email...a some kind of acknowledgment that I am ok, not ok, or just plain breathing.  I know none of you blame me for my silence, but if I can't rise above my hardships to continue to live a respectable life, then life becomes so much harder for myself.  So Jen S., Vern, Nicol, Jen C., Maria C., Kristin S. and the rest of you that have not given up or given in to my silence please know that I think about you all daily, and was just plain hiding from the fact that I still have cancer."
DX 2/08@43 stg II IDC; gr2,0 nodes. Neoadj chemo, first ACx2 (fail) then CarboTaxotereX6(better). Lump, Rads done 11/08; Clodronate. False alarm queen: PetCT lung & TM marker. NED. PBM w/recon 9/10.
Back to Top
123Donna View Drop Down
Senior Member
Senior Member
Avatar

Joined: Aug 24 2009
Location: St. Louis, MO
Status: Offline
Points: 12806
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote 123Donna Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 16 2010 at 8:04am
Denise,

Thanks for posting this about Denise Lynne Lambeth-Manny.  Although I did not know her, reading her post and Brian's has left me with a profound sadness of a beautiful life lost.  She sounded like an amazing woman who shared her wisdom with others.  The love Brian and Denise shared was beautiful and special.

Donna
DX IDC TNBC 6/09 age 49, Stage 1,Grade 3, 1.5cm,0/5Nodes,KI-67 48%,BRCA-,6/09bi-mx, recon, T/C X4(9/09)
11/10 Recur IM node, Gem,Carb,Iniparib 12/10,MRI NED 2/11,IMRT Radsx40,CT NED11/13,MRI NED3/15

Back to Top
zoomommy2 View Drop Down
Senior Member
Senior Member
Avatar

Joined: Sep 26 2009
Location: Denver, CO
Status: Offline
Points: 1356
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote zoomommy2 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 16 2010 at 9:36am
Denise,
Thank you for such a beautiful post.  Like Donna, I didn't know her, but would have been honored to have known her. 
Lee in Denver
dx6/09,stageII,gr3,(L)mastectomy 7/09,ACx4,Taxolx7,Avastin study,gall bladder surgery 1/10,4/11 Stage 4, mets to lung, 4/11 Started Taxotere and Xeloda, 5/11 Taxotere stopped, off Xeloda
Back to Top
TNBC_in_NS View Drop Down
Senior Member
Senior Member
Avatar

Joined: Jul 26 2009
Location: NS Canada
Status: Offline
Points: 2028
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote TNBC_in_NS Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 16 2010 at 11:23am
Thank you so much for posting Denise and Brian's posts. 
 
They tell the story of a life well lived and a knowledge that so many of us never get.  I am so sorry for Brian that he now has to journey alone but as I have heard from Freeman, Elaine's husband, there are signs and wonders that show them that all is well with the ones they love and that they were the best husband ever!  I too feel restful in my heart, knowing that all that could be done for a loving human being has been done. 
 
Albeit, a CURE may never come, but this cancer shows us how we are supposed to live and love each person in this world that is full of hardships and anger.  So yes, in Denise's memory, talk to the estranged person in your life, tell others that you love them, be there in some small way for others even in your own misery.  That is what life is.... Bless you Brian, Denise and d. for sharing, caring and loving all of us here on this small site, with many members and a world that reads about each one of us every day.  Love h. in NS
Diag@57TNBC04/092.5cm Lquad 05/09 TCx4Radsx30CT03/01/10 FU03/31/10ClearBRCA- 01/2011 RTNBC BMX 06/14/2011~2013 clear
Back to Top
SagePatientAdvocates View Drop Down
Senior Member
Senior Member
Avatar

Joined: Apr 15 2009
Status: Offline
Points: 4454
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote SagePatientAdvocates Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 16 2010 at 11:37am
Dear Denise,

Whew!!!!!

One of the hardest things about being a patient advocate is finding the strength to talk to folks when treatment is not working. It seems your friend Denise was able to deal with this fairly openly in her blog. It broke my heart to see her 17 year dream shattered and then downgraded to 2. 

I look at her age and I moan.

Both your friend and Brian have expressed themselves beautifully and I thank you for sharing with us. I, too, did/do not know them but their words fill my heart today..

Denise, again good luck today...You are a lovely person and my heart is with you..

with my love, your friend,

Steve


Edited by steve - Sep 19 2010 at 11:55am
I am a BRCA1+ grandson, son and father of women affected by breast/oc-my daughter inherited mutation from me, and at 36, was dx 2004 TNBC I am a volunteer patient advocate with SAGE Patient Advocates
Back to Top
chloesmom View Drop Down
Groupie
Groupie


Joined: Jan 11 2010
Location: collierville tn
Status: Offline
Points: 40
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote chloesmom Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 16 2010 at 1:20pm
I read Denise entry about Denise Lynne Lambeth-Manny and just cried.  She was so young and so strong.   This disease is just terrible.  Cry  I just hate it.  Does anyone know Denise Mannys' blog address?  

Dana
Back to Top
trip2 View Drop Down
Senior Member
Senior Member
Avatar

Joined: Jun 03 2007
Location: Under Palm Tree
Status: Offline
Points: 8549
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote trip2 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 19 2010 at 11:28am
So powerful and sad, an insight into the thoughts of a husband who dearly loves his wife, watching her, being with her, knowing things were not going well, knowing he cannot fix this for her, his own personal torment of finding her unconsious, her passing, how he feels without her.
 
Then we read her words written recently, her honest words about what she was thinking about, how she felt about things.
 
Thank you Denise for posting, very powerful, such a shame to loose another sister to this disease.
Stage 2 2003
Stage 1 2007
BRCA 1+
Back to Top
brianmanny View Drop Down
Newbie
Newbie


Joined: Oct 09 2010
Status: Offline
Points: 1
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote brianmanny Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Oct 09 2010 at 1:28pm
I knew that Denise found much support with all of you and this site!  I wanted her to reach out and find her own time to connect with people that understood what she was going through better than I did.  It's funny that I chose today to really see how this site operated, and I'm so happy that she had all of you.  It's you that filled in the gaps that I could not fill.  I really tried to understand what was happening with her body, but could not.  I thank you all for your continued support for the community.  I will do my part to support you as well.  These last two months have been brutal as you can imagine, but the hope that I see sharing this site gives me excitement that we are all headed in the right direction.  
Back to Top
SagePatientAdvocates View Drop Down
Senior Member
Senior Member
Avatar

Joined: Apr 15 2009
Status: Offline
Points: 4454
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote SagePatientAdvocates Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Oct 09 2010 at 2:04pm
Dear Brian,

Thank you for writing. I have no magic words. Just an ache in my heart for you.

I am sending you my contact info and also would like to send you something called Graceful Passages that was recommended to me when I lost my best friend of 45 years to mesothelioma a few years ago.

Please feel free to call me at any time.

thank you for being you,

Steve
I am a BRCA1+ grandson, son and father of women affected by breast/oc-my daughter inherited mutation from me, and at 36, was dx 2004 TNBC I am a volunteer patient advocate with SAGE Patient Advocates
Back to Top
trip2 View Drop Down
Senior Member
Senior Member
Avatar

Joined: Jun 03 2007
Location: Under Palm Tree
Status: Offline
Points: 8549
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote trip2 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Oct 09 2010 at 2:49pm
Thank you Brian and welcome, Hug
Stage 2 2003
Stage 1 2007
BRCA 1+
Back to Top
123Donna View Drop Down
Senior Member
Senior Member
Avatar

Joined: Aug 24 2009
Location: St. Louis, MO
Status: Offline
Points: 12806
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote 123Donna Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Oct 09 2010 at 4:14pm
Brian,

I wanted to say thank you for sharing your most precious thoughts with us.  My hubby does not get on computers at all.  I have to pull something up and have him sit in front of the PC if I want him to read something of interest.  I shared with him your post about your loving wife and Denise's blog about the Calcification of Hope.  The words were so touching and a way for me to share the emotions with my husband.  He understands what I've been through, more so than most of my non-bc friends.

Thank you for being part of our family and sharing your feelings. 
DX IDC TNBC 6/09 age 49, Stage 1,Grade 3, 1.5cm,0/5Nodes,KI-67 48%,BRCA-,6/09bi-mx, recon, T/C X4(9/09)
11/10 Recur IM node, Gem,Carb,Iniparib 12/10,MRI NED 2/11,IMRT Radsx40,CT NED11/13,MRI NED3/15

Back to Top
LRM216 View Drop Down
Senior Member
Senior Member
Avatar

Joined: Mar 18 2009
Location: Marietta, GA
Status: Offline
Points: 1196
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote LRM216 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Oct 09 2010 at 9:08pm
The world has lost a magnificent human being.  My sincere heartfelt condolences to Brian, Denise's family, and all the many friends that loved her and will miss her dearly. 
 
May her spirit soar high and wide.
Linda - diagnosed at age 62
Diag 2/23/09 IDC 1.2 cent. IDC right breast,Stage 1, Grade 3,0/1 nodes - Triple Neg
4 DD AC every two weeks, 1 Dd Taxol, then 3 Taxotere every three weeks - rads x 33
Back to Top
mainsailset View Drop Down
Senior Member
Senior Member
Avatar

Joined: Jul 27 2008
Location: Washington State
Status: Offline
Points: 4944
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote mainsailset Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Oct 10 2010 at 3:55pm
To understand a battle with cancer is to understand true intimacy and all that it requires each of us to share. It leaves no place to hide, no anger untapped, no love ungiven. Yet with all the attempts it makes, and certainly all the moments it succeeds, to break the human spirit, it is the rising up, through hands reaching out in love and understanding that is truly the gift we hold for each other.
 
This is a loss that overreaches my words and yet Brian, your words manage to capture if only for a moment the love that Denise brought into this world. I can only say thank you to you and Denise for sharing a piece or two of your inspiring spirits.
dx 7/08 TN 14x6.5x5.5 cm tumor

3 Lymph nodes involved, Taxol/Sunitab+AC, 5/09 dbl masectomy, path 2mm tumor removed, lymphs all clear, RAD 32 finished 9/11/09. 9/28 CT clear 10/18/10 CT clear
Back to Top
TNBC_in_NS View Drop Down
Senior Member
Senior Member
Avatar

Joined: Jul 26 2009
Location: NS Canada
Status: Offline
Points: 2028
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote TNBC_in_NS Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Oct 10 2010 at 10:23pm
Thank you so much Brian! It is good you are here with us, your other family!
Just know that we are here for you as we were for Denise....
 
I too just lost a very dear friend one month ago today.  Her hubby called me to check in as he spent 10 days with his mom and sisters.  He too finds it so difficult.  When love runs as deep as you and Freeman loved your wives, healing will come from knowing you both did all you could for the love of your lives.  May knowing that be all you will need to journey on this new normal.....
 
As long as you are near, there you will find us too.
 
Bless you and your family during these difficult days and nights.
Another sister on the journey, Helen in NS
Diag@57TNBC04/092.5cm Lquad 05/09 TCx4Radsx30CT03/01/10 FU03/31/10ClearBRCA- 01/2011 RTNBC BMX 06/14/2011~2013 clear
Back to Top
SagePatientAdvocates View Drop Down
Senior Member
Senior Member
Avatar

Joined: Apr 15 2009
Status: Offline
Points: 4454
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote SagePatientAdvocates Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Oct 10 2010 at 10:56pm
Dear Mainy and Helen,

you both write so beautifully...and such lovely sentiment from all...

Our TNBC Foundation family is really quite special...

all the best,

Steve
I am a BRCA1+ grandson, son and father of women affected by breast/oc-my daughter inherited mutation from me, and at 36, was dx 2004 TNBC I am a volunteer patient advocate with SAGE Patient Advocates
Back to Top
zacar View Drop Down
Senior Member
Senior Member
Avatar

Joined: Jul 09 2010
Location: Sherman Oaks,CA
Status: Offline
Points: 299
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote zacar Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Oct 13 2010 at 9:04pm
Brian,

I am so sorry for your loss.  I didn't know Denise, just as I don't "know" anyone here personally.  What I do know is what Steve said about the TNBC Foundation family being special.  I have not found the support that I find here anywhere else.  No one knows until they walk in our shoes what we deal with every day while we try to fight this horrible disease.

Reading your post - so honest and moving brought tears as well as reading that post from Denise - so selfless .... What an awesome human being.  It really hits home to hear of her passing.

A big hug,

Caryn C.


Back to Top
 Post Reply Post Reply
  Share Topic   

Forum Jump Forum Permissions View Drop Down

Forum Software by Web Wiz Forums® version 11.05
Copyright ©2001-2016 Web Wiz Ltd.